On Saturday morning, Rick and I were watching our four very lovely children play together and we thought to ourselves, “Where could we bring these darling exquisite children so that they stop trashing the whole god damn house?”
And then like a beautiful beacon of light in a cold dreary storm, we came up with it.
Now this might sound like a normal outing for those of you who live on this actual planet but neither Rick nor I had ever walked into a Costco. In fact, I had a strange suspicion this was the reason our marriage was working.
But desperation will cause any couple to throw away the foundation of their partnership for just a few hours of child entertainment.
So off we went. Now I had heard BIG tales of this place. I heard about free food samples that could fill your belly for days. Organic chicken that was so affordable that somehow you made money by buying it. And kid clothing that actually came with a free child.
Let me just say, Costco had me at the shopping cart.
I was actually able to sit my twins side by side in the front of the cart, both strapped in.
(Normally, in a grocery store, I have to put one twin in the front and the other in the main part of the cart. Of course, I try to quickly throw food on the twin in the main part to weigh him or her down but somehow that twin always ends up wriggling free, standing up and demanding to run madly through the aisles. The solution is obvious. Buy heavier food or go to Costco.)
And the samples at this place! I learned that human beings will try anything if it’s handed to them in a small paper cup. Tomorrow, go fill some Dixie cups with a passion fruit seafood gumbo guava smoothie and I promise you’ll get some takers.
At one point at the store, there was a moment of tension as customers waited for a new batch of biscuits but I really don’t think the woman in the tennis skirt meant to elbow that small child out of the way. And if she did – well, they were biscuits after all.
In the end, it was clear we were novices.
After an hour and a half of shopping, we left with only two items in our cart.
Drink yogurts and grilled chicken tenders.
Because sometimes you just don’t need a 40 lb container of honey pretzel twists. But it’s nice to know they are there.