Because I have a shy child, I am in total awe when a mother just drops off her kid at a new camp or school and the child just effortlessly bounds into the class with barely a wave.
In f–king awe.
Sorry. Usually I don’t swear but someone has been making fun of me for using “effin.” Look I can’t help it if I’m a goddamn lady.
I brought 4 1/2 year-old Dylan to a new art camp this week. And while other kids were bouncing gleefully into the building, my daughter was crying in the car, then sobbing in the elevator, then hiding under a table while I pleaded for her to come out. Now and then a very sweet teacher would appear with a stuffed animal as a way to lure her into the classroom and Dylan would burrow further under the table.
I happen to think stuffed animals are seriously overrated. But sweet teachers are greatly appreciated.
While holding back my own tears, I finally coaxed her into the classroom where the teacher was discussing surrealism with a bunch of 4, 5 and 6 year-old’s. Is this how they roll out here? In the city, we were all playdough and crayons and waiting in line for swings.
Dylan DID NOT WANT ME TO LEAVE. An existential talk about surrealism even makes me want to hide under a table, so I was sensitive to her feelings.
After 50 minutes, I had a pretty good understanding of Miró and the inspiration behind his paintings (the upside of being trapped at your daughter’s art camp). And I had finally convinced Dylan to let me leave if I brought her back an M&M cookie from Starbucks.
If you don’t have a shy kid, don’t judge me. Bribery is the secret weapon of desperate parents of reserved children everywhere.
By the time I returned, Dylan was happily creating her own work, inspired by surrealist artists. I swear. I mean, it was just a drawing of an eyeball or something but it had meaning man.
P.S. Next week, it’s on to Pop Art. I hope they rent “Factory Girl.” That would really teach those young kids a thing or two. Mostly about the downward spiral of drug addiction but you know, it’s all a valuable learning experience.