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Man, I am so tired.

So ridiculously tired.

Even with the intense fatigue, there are moments when I feel like I have it together. Like last week, I actually remembered Summer’s gymnastics class and managed to get her there.


1. We were 15 minutes late.

2. She was wearing a sundress (instead of a leotard or leggings or something that would actually enable her to perfect her Mary Lou Retton moves).

3. And as we arrived, I realized that I had breast milk all over my skirt.

But still. Summer was there. So if she doesn’t become a Olympic gymnast, it won’t be on my back.

On Saturday, I found myself ALONE with all four kids. For the entire day. Rick had to work and I tried to get a babysitter but I quickly found out that sitters don’t like working weekends in the summer or they want to be paid 1.5 million dollars an hour to work on a Saturday. And since 1.5 million dollars an hour is a little too steep for me, I found myself going solo in the care taking department.

When Rick walked out the door, I started crying. I was scared. Petrified of a 5 year-old, 3 year-old and newborn twins.

I decided to take all four of them to our pool club (because I’m insane or because I knew I could beg strangers to help me if things got really hairy). We got there at 4:50 pm which is a whole 10 minutes earlier than I got there last week so I’m obviously getting the hang of this.

And it all went pretty well and I felt sort of empowered. Empowered and very tired. But I can do this. Even if I have to do it with breast milk on my skirt.

And at least I didn’t have to come up with a Father’s Day gift this year.

Chase and Harlowe are way better than any cologne or tie or coffee mug.

33 Responses to the blurry haze of motherhood

  • Kathy says:

    Omg…I feel your pain! I know I only have one child but I can remember that feeling oh so well. The tiredness beyond sleep. I think you are doing good…at least you are getting places. The pool is good at least the life guards can watch the two older ones! Have a great week.

  • Portia says:

    You are a trooper Kelcey…hang in there! Get Rick to gift you a spa day for your birthday this week! Just be sure to book a babysitter for him in your absence!!

  • johanna says:

    my 10 month old was up at 1a, 4a, 5a, and 515a was up for the day…thought I was tired but then read you took 4 children including newborn twins to the pool and I realized I can’t be tired compared to you!!! You are a total champ of a mom. congrats on making it out with 4 in tow. you scored on the best fathers day gift too πŸ™‚ those babies are so cute.

  • hokgardner says:

    Oh there is just nothing else like the tired that comes with having newborns. And I’m totally impressed that you took all four to the pool solo. I haven’t tried that yet with my four, and none of them is a newborn.

  • Diane says:

    Happy Father’s Day to Rick and Happy June Bday to you! My husband took all 4 of my kids for the entire weekend for my birthday. The best gift that money can’t buy! Maybe Rick could do that for your birthday? I had forgotten what disposable time looked like.

  • Robyn says:

    At my pool club this weekend, I handed off my baby to a woman I met only 15 minutes earlier. It was easier than bringing both kids to the bathroom at once – thank goodness for strangers!

  • You are so brave!! Taking 4 kids, 2 of them newborn twins to the swim club?? You are either the most courageous woman in the world or a little crazy. Good crazy. And your Father’s Day gift should be good for a lifetime!

  • Meg says:

    From every (adorable) picture you post it looks like all those two do is sleep. What’s so hard about that?


  • Jacquie says:

    Hey Kelcey! I’m amazed you can still write & type!! Hang in there! It sounds like you are doing a great job!!

  • Liesl says:

    You Rock!
    What happened to the nanny idea?
    When I was a nanny, it was 6 days a week live in wake up till bed time).
    Hey, maybe that’s why I don’t have kids.

  • kt says:

    You Rock! I didn’t leave my house with my twins by myself until they were 3 months–granted it was winter and I couldn’t really physically leave due to the snow/ice, but I know I wouldn’t have even if I lived in San Diego. You really are amazing–or really insane. But either way it looks really good. πŸ˜‰

  • KF says:

    I applaud you for your pool taking skills! But, there are some sitters out there who wont take you for all your worth for a summer weekend, myself included! You just gotta find one πŸ™‚

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    I saw Rick on t.v. Sunday (Father’s Day) and I thought Fox would show all the children of their staff. Now you certainly can find some ‘grandmother’ type who would volunteer to come to your house for a few hours of help for you, and ‘tushy squeezing’ for her…Look around…lots of women love doing that (as long as they leave the children with you when they leave your house).

  • christy says:

    I still cry sometimes when matt walks out the door to work, and I only have one two year old and one newborn! I think you’re doing an amazing job!

  • Pseudo says:

    Congratulations on the twins! wow. I haven’t been around in the blog world for awhile and look what I missed. Amazing.

    Hope you get some rest when you can.

  • Megan says:

    Happy Father’s Day to Rick…too bad he had to work. You are amazing to be getting out alone already with 4 kids. Please remember to ask for help when you need it. I don’t live that far away, you could always call me. xoxo

  • Courtney says:

    Wow, you are my hero. First I read that you’re breastfeeding both of them. Then, the home alone with them (I cried when left alone for the first time with my twins. Then I called my mother, my mother in law, and anyone else to come help b/c I was so nervous to be by myself with them. And, I didn’t have 2 other kids!). And THEN you actually took the whole crew to the pool! There really should be a statue, or a road, or something named in your honor. Keep on keepin’ on – you’re doing great!

  • Erin says:

    You are doing a fantastic job! I’ve been too scared to take my 1 yo and 3 yo solo to the pool but if a mom of 4 can do it, well I totally suck if I don’t try it. Thanks for giving some of us the courage to get out there!

  • Slow Panic says:

    i’m tired just looking at those sweet babies. i was terrified to give my first kid a bath the first week of his life — other people had to do it. i was afraid i’d hurt him. seems silly now. i think you are amazing.

  • ~Laura says:

    Don’t worry, I cried the first time my husband left me alone with the twins also. I think that’s normal. I cried again when he left me for the first time after I had baby #3 and the twins were 4.

  • Becca says:

    I must admit I chucked a bit as I read this, totally reliving my life nearly 3 years ago. I however had only 1 older child to worry about!

  • Do you have breastmilk on your shirt when you write blog posts? Or are you getting really gussied up for your online sessions? Definitely take people up on the pity. I let strange women push my kids on the swings since I’m usually running after the other.

  • I always find that the adrenalin kinda runs out a few weeks or so after birth – which is one thing, but when you also have FOUR KIDS UNDER 5…well…if you’re not tired, you’re just not human!

    You’re doing a great job, and WOW – doesn’t Dad look pleased! Great pic.

    All the best.

  • Can’t you find a nanny that drives? You shouldn’t have to do anything but sit home and nurse the twins (and put out the occasional fire). Too bad you don’t live down here – I know plenty of college girls who would take your kids to the pool and gymnastics without you.

  • Loukia says:

    Your twins are SO cute! Also, I cry when I’m left alone with my almost 5 year old and my 2.5 year old! Honestly, sometimes? It’s IMPOSSIBLE! And I only have TWO! So I totally feel for you, and you crying? Totally normal.
    Also, you took them to the POOL CLUB? Wow. You are SUPERMOM!

  • Karen Bland says:

    Four kids to the pool? By yourself? Are you nuts? That would put me over the edge for sure. The bagel store was my first “feat” when I had 3 kids under 3…I remember sending out an announcement card to memorialize the occasion. Just tell people that you are 10 minutes late (per kid) for everything you do – that way, you will impress them if you are only 35 minutes late! Get onto those babysitter websites and book some help!

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kelcey kintner