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I was looking at my daughters’ baby books last night. And I honestly couldn’t remember those babies.

Sure, I remember many tiny moments, like the fact that Dylan used to pinch and massage my neck when she nursed (which is why she’ll be chipping in for my future neck job). And how Summer would never take a bottle. Or a pacifier. Or succumb to sleep training. Or drink regular milk. She was and still is a very picky broad.

But I don’t really remember them as beings. What was it like to spend a whole day with Dylan or Summer –Β  when they were 6 months? A year? Two years? I don’t really know anymore.

Which brings me to my 9 month-old twins. I am mad about them.

Chase has the softest, meatiest hands. And he has this gaze. He looks at me with his piercing blue eyes and it feels like pure love. His nearly bald head feels so soft, that rubbing it makes me feel calm and centered. He lives without fear, flinging himself off furniture and hunting down wires to chew.Β  I need to harness some of that daring spirit (sans wires).

And Harlowe. She is still such a peanut at 14 pounds and has the cutest, softest little tush. It is effortless to hold her. She is always bursting with a smile and her fluffy hair continues to stick straight up. She feels no rush to crawl and takes pride at removing and eating her socks, her brother’s socks, her brother’s pacifier and whatever else she can find from her seated regal position. She has started crying when I leave the house, no matter how often I assure her that I will always come back.

I tell you all this because I don’t want to forget.Β  I want to remember what it’s like to spend an entire day with Chase and Harlowe at 9 months. But I won’t. Because they will grow, change and I will then know new, beautiful perfect beings. The babies will fade. The memories will disappear. It’s unstoppable.

And yes, I love sharing with you the humor of life. The fact that my husband, after 10 years together, truly believed I might like a red velour hoodie-footie. That he does indeed wear safety dance pants when he trains for his competition. And that I mistakenly thought my twins had some kind of magical connection.

So I will, of course, continue to share my humor every week. Trying to find the funny in life is always my passion. And my joy.

But today, I just wanted you to know how much Harlowe likes to eat her socks.

And her fluffy hair.

And about Chase’s soft hands.

And the way he rests his head on my shoulder when he’s tired. In the sweetest, most amazing way.

So maybe I won’t forget.

mama bird notes:

If you missed my Babble NY column this week and are looking for some great winter break activities, you can check out The Touch Tunnel at the Liberty Science Center, “Pinkalicious the Musical” and the new book in the series, “Silverlicious”, Houdini magic at the Jewish Museum and a new family musical, “Sky Boys” about the building of the Empire State Building. As for me, I am headed to Memphis to meet my new nephew.

44 Responses to the baby in the photo

  • I love your blog because it is clever, but most of all because I get flashbacks of baby/child moments that I have long since forgotten. Thank you for being so genuine and sharing your family.

  • tracy says:

    Oh I love this post. I was just crying today watching my 18 month old – my last baby – acting way too much like a toddler. I told her to just stay still, just for a moment so I could savor this time one more moment..but then she ran away to play. sob.

  • Kerri says:

    It is so true…the time goes so fast! Now I am trying to savour the moments with my grand-son! It also helps to try to still hang out with people having babies so I get to snuggle them still!

  • annie says:

    This is a great post! Just tonight was looking at my youngest daughters’s hands and remembering how tiny they used to be. Those little people turn into big kids so quickly. We’ll remind you!

  • Slow Panic says:

    i can’t remember either. i stopped by a friends house the other day and she was crazy with her four year old all of a sudden i remembered i used to spend 24 hours with my kids — before they went to school.

    it seems impossible and i kind of miss it.

  • Tara says:

    Oh you just reminded me of when my kids would fall asleep on my shoulder with their soft sweet breath blowing on my neck! Yummy!! Now I’m lucky if I get a hug from them that lasts more than 3 seconds (they’re 10 and 13).

  • Marinka says:

    I love reading about those moments. And not just because I plan to stealing them to pass off as my own because I can’t remember anything from my kids’ babyhood.

  • Heather says:

    I know! You just want to freeze frame time! Take lots and lots and lots of photos (I’m sure you do), especially of random everyday things, and that will help you remember.

  • Sandrine says:

    I can’t remember either and then I get sad and want more babies and my husband gives me the look! Have a great time meeting your nephew this is a very very special feeling.

  • Jennifer says:

    Wow… that made me try to remember the Bunny at the same ages – it’s a stretch. I do remember the halted breath feeling I had everytime she slept on my shoulder – it still takes my breath away thinking about it. But it fades so fast, and she’s not even 3 yet.

  • Diane says:

    I thank God for digital technology – whenever I need a pick-me-up, I shuffle through my iPhone photobank. Those thankless, surly, lazy children that I bore are captured (mostly) forever at their finest – sweet, innocent, smiling and best of all silent. Thank you for sharing your humor and wisdom with us – you are really an inspiration!

  • Beth says:

    Yes…keep sharing! You always make me smile or laugh or snort…and who couldn’t use some of THAT in their day? I will miss the pic of you in the red hoodie…could you think of making it your “profile” pic? LOL ;D

  • Alex says:

    If it makes you feel any better, I have had the same exact moment and have felt the same way about Noa as a baby. It breaks my heart that I can’t remember those days in detail. I see her baby pictures and desperately try to recall her weight in my arms, her baby chatter, her baby smiles. It doesn’t seem fair that I was so tired and out of it during those days because I’m sure I would remember better otherwise. But at least I have the pictures. And I have today.

  • So well written. You inspire me to write some of my babies cute and wonderful current antics because you are right, time moves on and memories fade. Enjoy visiting with your new nephew! Being an auntie is awesome! πŸ™‚

  • erinb says:

    oh I feel the same way about my 3 year old…and even though I kept a baby journal with her there are still things I forgot- like when did she smile and the moment she said mama…how could I not write that down? yet I have details of the big poop explosion in gymboree. now with my 6 wk old I have moments written on scrap paper to eventually put in her baby journal cuz I am too busy to write in it now…but your post inspired me to find some time to do it so I dont look back and have only details of her big poops and not of when she first smiled (this week!)

  • Kara says:

    So sweet! I tried this week to remember what is was like when my now 2-year-old wasn’t talking, and I couldn’t remember. We have the most amazing conversations and I love getting inside his head to see what’s spinning. With every new trick, I get to meet a new part of who he his and the other fades away. Kinda sad, but very exciting to see who he becomes!

  • Lotte B says:

    Beautiful. It seems so hard to remember…but it feels great to have these moments.

    And by the way. You should know that having twins are hot. The royal family here in Denmark had twins in January (a boy and a girl) and now having twins are really big (give you access to every talkshow on tv…)

  • Juley says:

    This gave me chills. I was holding my almost 4 year old the other night and trying to remember him as a baby and I could not. Why do I think I will remember that when I cannot even remember half of what I did yesterday.
    At least you have this blog to remember the good times.

  • Kristi says:

    I totally understand what you mean. My daughter is almost 3 and I took care of my 4 month old niece last week…after her mom left, I held baby up to my face and told her “I don’t know what to do with you!” They change SO fast, it’s impossible to remember all those details.

  • Issa says:

    Sometimes I wish I could go back and re-experience some of that time. It goes by so fast. Then I read something like this and I remember. I remember my girls at that age. I remember my son as a newborn.

  • megan says:

    oh so true. I’m glad I took extra time with my big girls today, instead of doing the dishes and laundry…it all goes by so fast.

  • Lauren O'Donnell says:

    Best post! Makes me want to wake up my twins and take them in too πŸ™‚ Even if I did change my shirt FOUR times tonight bc I kept getting puked on!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    With all your connections to the latest gadgets, how come so few of you mothers bother to make videos of your children growing up? They have sound, you can catch those first words, songs, giggles…Take the camera out for 15 minutes once a month and Video Tape them doing something….interview them when they learn to talk….My Baby Movies (of me) go back to me at 1 year old….No Sound in those days….but all my dead relatives in the ‘movie’, WWII heroes in uniform (my Uncles) and everything from graduation to new babies being born in our family; including Robert Kennedy giving Commencement Speech at Queens College. Priceless; and I have my father to thank for taking those Super 8 mm movies; which I turned into a video with music.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    And by the way, the videos taken at Holiday dinners will have all the relatives; who might be dead when your children are grown and don’t even remember them…in fact I named my video – CLUB DEAD…since 90% of the people in it are now dead and buried. Great memories…don’t wait….get out that video camera now…

  • I have 6 kids and the youngest is 5, and the baby time seems like a faraway dream. I just can’t remember what it felt like to hold them all the time! And I spent at least 15 years doing just that. Makes me sad…

  • deb says:

    I was looking at photos of Derek as a baby the other day and I couldn’t really remember holding that “fat faced little guy” and it made me so sad.

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kelcey kintner