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You know what gives me stress? When I’m stuck at a doctor’s appointment on the Upper East Side and I realize that there is no way I can possibly be back downtown by 11 am even though my babysitter absolutely, positively must leave by then.

Oh and it’s freakin’ St. Patrick’s Day. And all 8 million New York City residents are suddenly Irish and celebrating which means traffic is maddening.

Look, I love the concept. Wear a green sweatsuit, drink green beer, unleash green puke on your friends and raise holy hell in the streets of Manhattan. But it just makes it a bitch to get downtown when there’s a parade in my way.

So I’m in the waiting room hyperventilating about who is going to watch Summer (Dylan is at school) in my absence. I make a few calls to friends in the neighborhood but no one seems to be around.

I call Rick at work who of course can’t help me but I like to burden him with my troubles. Once he’s sufficiently stressed out about the situation, I tell him I have to go.

I actually consider whether our super friendly and slightly irritating doorman could temporarily take care of a 2 year-old because opening doors for us and helping with our luggage and caulking our bathroom is sort of the precursor to taking caring of a small child, right?

Then I talk to my friend Jen whose husband Eric happens to be at home. He’s a great dad. So I call him.

“Hi Eric. It’s Kelcey. Dylan and Summer’s mom. Jen said you might be willing to take Summer for like a half hour? Is that ok? I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“Yeah, sure. No problem.”

“Thank you so much. Oh by the way, she’s DEFINITELY going to cry. Just let her watch Sesame Street and give her sugar and carbs. That’s your best hope.”

We hang up. I call back immediately.

“Hi Eric. It’s Kelcey again. Umm… do you have any cash on you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I hate to do this but when my sitter drops Summer off, could you give her $48 bucks and I’ll pay you back?”

When pawning your kid off on some poor, unsuspecting guy…. always ask him for money too.

“No problem.”

This guy is seriously a dream.

Turns out, Summer does cry. I know because I call from the car and can hear her sobbing in the background. Her St. Patrick’s Day is totally sucking.

But things quickly turn around for her. Because Eric the Savior gives her chocolate cake to calm her down.

And obviously, any day with cake just can’t suck that much.

mama bird notes:

news-castcdFor NYC area mamas… I’m giving away 4 tickets to the Broadway show SHREK THE MUSICAL, the story of a swamp-dwelling ogre who goes on a life changing adventure. It’s part romance and part twisted fairy tale.

To enter, just leave a comment on the mama bird diaries and mention anyone you dated in the past who resembled a swamp-dwelling ogre. Ok, fine. Just mention SHREK THE MUSICAL.

51 Responses to take my kid, please

  • Jessica says:

    OMG Kelcey, I have so been there. It never fails. Sorry but that is hiliarous.

    Also, I would love to take P. to Shrek.  So I’m officially entering.

  • Jordana says:

    How could I possibly limit it to just one ogre I dated. I guess top choice would be Tom Deegan (yes, I’m using his full name) who puked on my carpet AND never called me back. Although the term dating may be a stretch. Hey, it’s all good – I married my prince in the end.

  • christy says:

    That guy is a gem. Was that $48 for just the morning!?! Babysitters are expensive in NYC! We haven’t used one (yet). Would love to see Shrek the musical. Have dated a bunch of ogres too..the worst was an Air Force officer/doctor who had an ego the size of a hot air balloon, but his intellect was really that of said balloon, deflated and laying in a puddle.

  • E says:

    Eric rocks!  I love that guy.  When I win the Shrek tix I am going to take him.  If he’s not too busy bailing out someone else.

  • Robyn says:

    Eric must be a mythical creature — he sounds too good to be true!

    I love stressing Hubby out at work and then letting him stew about it. Hey, it’s supposed to be a partnership, right?

    And SHREK is Bear’s favorite character – please PICK ME!!!!

  • francine Kasen says:

    My electrician watched the kids for me once when I had to run out, and he was there anyway fixing something. My son ended up writing a “report” about Rick the Electrician for a 2nd grade assignment that year. My rule of thumb was, ‘ If their last name was not “The Ripper” they could sit for us. The kids survived. 

  • Caren Solomon Bharwani says:

    Forget the super dad/babysitter, I want to know why you were at the Dr.’s apartment and not an office!

  • feener says:

    I call Rick at work who of course can’t help me but I like to burden him with my troubles. Once he’s sufficiently stressed out about the situation, I tell him I have to go.

    oh yes i do the SAME thing. i will call him and act as if he can help while he is in nyc, 2 hours away from me….

  • Chris says:

    I call my husband at work when I know it’s likely he can’t help.  I love to share my stress and “burden him with my troubles” too.   You’re cute.

    Glad things worked out.  Tell Jen to give Eric a little more lovin’ soon.  😉

  • Sandrine says:

    I’m always calling my husband to vent and blame him for everything and then of course apologize when he gets home but still do it each time…yes Shrek the musical. And maybe Eric could travel to Brooklyn???

  • Becky says:

    Hey I actually DID date a guy that resembled Shrek…. Ok he wasn’t green… and not totally ugly but other then that he looked just like him:-)

  • I hear you.  Scheduling is one of the hardest aspects of parenting for me, because nothing ever goes according to plan!

    (On a side note, fortunately, I haven’t dated any Shreks, but it should be fun to see him on stage.)

  • traci says:

    Kelc-I will totally hop NJtransit and cart my ass up there next time you need child, and nobody cries on my watch.  Oh, and PS, I totally want to see Shrek!!!  Pick me!  Pick me!

  • Jessica says:

    I love Shrek. Would love to see the Musical. My husband looks like Shrek. But don’t tell him I told you so. Shhhh!

    I’m envious, super envious of you and your wonderful neighbor. I need someone to watch the kids tomorrow. (We’re on Spring break for two long –er, dreamy! — weeks… and I HAVE to get my hair done tomorrow. So the kids are coming with me. I’m sure I’ll be blogging all about it! I am a glutton for pushishment!

  • MommyTime says:

    Well, I’ve dated a lot of personality ogres who were handsome as Prince Charming, but not much in the reverse (now that I realize this, I think I must be a horribly shallow person). While I don’t live in NY, I will be there for two weeks in May and would LOVE beyond belief to be able to take my children to this show!

  • kristen says:

    i would like to enter the contest – my ex-boyfriend was an OGRE who disguised himself as a really cool artist.

     i was in the city today and was going to call you, but of course i didn’t. next time, really.

  • Shani says:

    You mean I’m not the only one who makes “momsel in distress” calls? LOL.  My husband LOVES that!  Eric rocks, BTW. Can he move in next door to me?

  • Shirliana says:

    OMG, Eric does sound like a dream! All that and cake too? Wow! BTW, We had similar here too only in St. Paul, MN where I live, everyone actually IS Irish!!! The celebrating was going strong and I was stuck in the middle of it too. Course I didn’t have a little girl to race home to. Thanks for sharing your story!

  • Nap Warden says:

    Way to save the day Eric! Takes the 2 year old, pays the sitter, and cake. AWESOME!

    I have never been a St Pat’s person. It’s HUGE in Chicago. I usually just hide:P

  • Abby Siegel says:

    I can’t stop thinking about you-first off, if you need a sitter for free (once in a while) pls call me. I’m not totally clueless. As for the Natasha Richardson situation, as a serious skier I am at a loss to express my total disbelief and sympathy to her family. I had a serious accident a year ago this March where I was not wearing a helmet (a man came from above and literally ran me over, I was told by medical patrol that a helmet would NOT have helped but my family and I went and bought them anyway and have worn them since). Helmets should be REQUIRED by every ski mountain. However, in this case, they were not, and unfortunately a beautiful and talented woman suffered the consequences of a terribly random accident. My thoughts and prayers are with her family. If anyone wants help buying a helmet and/or planning lessons for a ski trip please contact me. It’s so important to be safe and sorry than going out on the slopes with no instruction. I have nothing to gain (I’m not teaching the lesson) but safety on the slopes!

  • LB says:

    Isn’t it the truth that what goes around comes around? I know I’d totally be the recipient of said hysterically crying girl when I was planning a much “quieter” day with my own kids. (This said while my own 4 yr old is orchestrating mini-Disney-princess soap operas at the top of her lungs and my 10-mo old is playing some game involving repeatedly throwing a metal bowl and giant legos against the wood floor…) But I know I have some generous souls who’d come to the rescue in my own frantic, babysitter-less moment of desparation.  BTW–I would love those Shrek tix!

  • Jen says:

    Cracking up over these Eric comments –especially the “tell Jen to give Eric some more lovin” — I DO, really, well…probably not as much as he’d like:> I’ve never seen SHREK the move or MUSICAL. If we win, we’re taking Summer w/us (and the Citarella Chocolate Cake!)

  • Shana says:

    Thank God for the Erics in our lives. I’ve been saved by a friend’s unsuspecting husband in the past too, and can only hope that my husband would be half as awesome in a similar situation. I’m pretty sure he would be, but he hasn’t been put to the test quite yet. 

  • Susan @ 2KoP says:

    I don’t live in NY, but I do love musicals. I just ran across your blog for the first time and really like this post. 

    I totally relate to stressing out your husband over the phone. My daughter once cut her hand very deeply when she was 2. I called DH, told him I’d seen anatomical parts that are better left to the imagination, then said “Oh, you can’t help me” and hung up on him. Then I called a neighbor, a guy I barely knew, who came over and let me throw my daughter’s twin brother at him as I disappeared to the emergency room for SIX hours. You can put him in line for sainthood along with your neighbor. His name is Ed. Maybe it’s just guys whose names start with “E”.

    If you’re ever in the neighborhood, stop by Two Kinds of People and say hi.

  • Elisa says:

    I’m so glad you found someone! And someone who had chocolate cake in the house, to boot 🙂

    We love Shrek. If it wasn’t for the fact that he eats really gross stuff I would totally marry him. Oh, and the fact that I’m already married, I guess.

  • Kristin Kutscher says:

    Eric saves the day! And Julia loves the Ogre – she can’t say Shrek! And loves that Donkey is named Donkey, just like her cat is named “Cat”.

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