Remember how we thought we had sold our apartment when our buyer suddenly headed off to Central America on a vacation and apparently is still lost in the jungle and surviving solely on bananas and berries because we never heard from him again?
Well, we found another buyer. One without immediate international travel plans. Nothing is signed yet so please please please don’t even consider offering us even one smidge of congratulations. Not a mazel tov. Not even a thumbs up. Seriously, put your thumb down. Why are you trying to curse me?!
And now I’m sort of FREAKING.
Because what the hell do I know about living in the suburbs? Sure, I grew up in the suburbs but you know, I was like 11. That was 4 billion years ago.
I mean, what if no one likes me. For instance, I drop off Summer at this class twice a week here in the West Village and it’s basically nanny central except for two other moms who can barely say hello to me because apparently they have so much riveting material to discuss with each other. They practically skip off to coffee hand and hand and I sort of look down at my Blackberry like I have something VERY important going on but really, I’m just wondering why they are so unfriendly.
So what if ALL the moms in Westchester are like that?
Also, my one Westchester friend told me that in her town everyone wears exercise pants 24/7… like they are headed to the gym or just went to the gym or might someday go to the gym. And she, an ex-NYC girl, finally broke down and started wearing exercise pants too.
So, of course, I’m now imagining the rest of my life in exercise pants and frankly, I don’t think I own enough.
And not only do I need to order some Lululemon like immediately but I also have to start reading books because I think book clubs are the key to making new smart, funny, fabulous friends.
But reading could seriously take my focus off “Gossip Girl”, “90210” and other teen dramas that need my undivided attention (not to mention all the Zac Efron TV appearances lately) so maybe I should find a TV club where I could make so-so smart, funny, fabulous friends.
And I think I’m going to need a suburb transition support group.
Because obviously, I’m prone to nervous breakdowns over exercise pants.
mama bird notes:
Have you seen Contributing Mama Daphne Biener’s piece on high fructose corn syrup? YOU MUST. It’s scary but incredible information. Click here to read more.
If you’re interested, please sign up. Seriously, help us gals out. Click here and tell BlogHer that you want to hear our fabulous insights on humor writing. Oh, and then shoot me an email with your fabulous insights on humor writing so I have something to talk about.
Finally, a thank you to Lainie of My Baby Blog for saying such sweet things about me. I am very humbled.