1. Are you pregnant? Umm.. no. Not anymore. In fact, these right here are my babies.
2. Are they twins? Well, yes. Unless they are 9 months apart and one is a midget and the other is a super sized Big Mac baby.
3. Are they identical? I don’t think so because the one head to toe in blue is a boy and the one completely swaddled in pink is a girl. But I’m not a geneticist so maybe I’m wrong.
4. Do twins run in your family? This is a subtle way of saying, “Did you do fertility treatments?” I like to answer, “I’m a triplet. My husband is a triplet. Our dog is a triplet.” We don’t even have a dog.
5. Did you do IVF? This is a less subtle way of saying, “Did you do fertility treatments?” Didn’t I tell you about our dog?
6. Did you have a c-section or vaginal birth? Seems like you have a lot of medical questions. Should I put you in touch with my OBGYN so she can discuss my case in more detail with you?
7. Do the twins sleep through the night? Depends on your definition of “night.” If night means the 5 hours I waste watching “Skating with the Stars” and old “Family Ties” reruns and then they wake up as soon as I crawl into bed, then yes, they are sleeping through the night.
8. You’re nursing?! Wow. You’re crazy. Am I crazy because I’m not spending thousands of dollars on formula? Or because breastfeeding happens to work for me and I like physically bonding with my babies? I’m not disagreeing that I might be crazy but it has nothing to do with nursing.
9. You have twins? My brother’s uncle’s hairdresser’s first boyfriend’s cousin has twins. Yeah, seems like there are a lot of twins around.
10. You look too beautiful, young and fancy to have twins. O.k., it’s possible that no one has ever said this to me.
P.S. I’m absolutely sure that I’ve said at least half this list to a mother of twins before I actually had twins.