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1. Are you pregnant? Umm.. no. Not anymore. In fact, these right here are my babies.

2. Are they twins? Well, yes. Unless they are 9 months apart and one is a midget and the other is a super sized Big Mac baby.

3. Are they identical? I don’t think so because the one head to toe in blue is a boy and the one completely swaddled in pink is a girl. But I’m not a geneticist so maybe I’m wrong.

4. Do twins run in your family? This is a subtle way of saying, “Did you do fertility treatments?” I like to answer, “I’m a triplet. My husband is a triplet. Our dog is a triplet.”Β  We don’t even have a dog.

5. Did you do IVF? This is a less subtle way of saying, “Did you do fertility treatments?”Β  Didn’t I tell you about our dog?

6. Did you have a c-section or vaginal birth? Seems like you have a lot of medical questions. Should I put you in touch with my OBGYN so she can discuss my case in more detail with you?

7. Do the twins sleep through the night? Depends on your definition of “night.” If night means the 5 hours I waste watching “Skating with the Stars” and old “Family Ties” reruns and then they wake up as soon as I crawl into bed, then yes, they are sleeping through the night.

8. You’re nursing?! Wow. You’re crazy. Am I crazy because I’m not spending thousands of dollars on formula? Or because breastfeeding happens to work for me and I like physically bonding with my babies? I’m not disagreeing that I might be crazy but it has nothing to do with nursing.

9. You have twins? My brother’s uncle’s hairdresser’s first boyfriend’s cousin has twins. Yeah, seems like there are a lot of twins around.

10. You look too beautiful, young and fancy to have twins. O.k., it’s possible that no one has ever said this to me.

P.S. I’m absolutely sure that I’ve said at least half this list to a mother of twins before I actually had twins.

49 Responses to stupid shit people say to the parents of twins

  • Jessica says:

    So you’ll either think this is hilarious or you’ll never talk to me again, but my face got really hot while reading this. Just today I asked the mother of twins in my daughter’s preschool if her twins are fraternal. They, too, are a boy and a girl. So I win the moron of the day award! AND i’ve learned a great lesson. THANK YOU.

    And #10 is completely true.

  • maria from nj says:

    But you are “too beautiful, too young and too fancy” to have twins, nevermind 4 young’ins. How can people not say that? LoL I have to admit I too have (innocently) asked a few of the above. Bad is me.

  • scrappysue says:

    yep – sometimes people should engage their brains before opening their mouth!

    merry christmas to you boy girl fraternal gorgeous twins, their sisters and their beautiful parents!

  • Tiffany says:

    I get “You’re too young to have twins” ALL THE TIME! How weird is that? I mean, just think about that for a second, if you’re old enough to have a child, you’re old enough for twins, it’s not like they take longer to cook! I also get the sympathy nod and the “it must be so hard” crap, um, really, it’s not, in fact, the nature of twins demands that you be more organized and scheduled so I think it’s actually easier than a singleton in a lot of ways, not to mention, built in entertainment, my twins are totally happy to play with each other for serious stretches of time, allowing me time to uncrazy. Hang in there, you’re almost to that stage and then it’s a piece of cake!

  • Tiffaney says:

    I too am shocked at the complete lack of boundaries people have! At least they don’t ask, “Are they yours?” because then you’d have to go into the whole Wet-Nurse-As-A-Career-Path, and then it might get too complicated. πŸ˜‰

  • LB says:

    In defense of the folks who seem like idiots for asking if they’re twins, I once assumed a boy/girl duo was twins and it turned out they were cousins. Then again, I made said assumption because I was assuming to myself, not nosing around asking inane questions. Why can’t people just mind their own beeswax?

  • Karin M says:

    When I was a mom of baby twins and was asked the dreaded, “So did you do IVF or do your twins run in the family?” (I couldn’t really believe complete strangers would actually ask me that β€” more like, “did you just have sex or did you go through rounds and rounds of drugs and medical visits and pay a lot of money for those tikes?”) I would say the following: “I have triplet cousins and twin cousins and my husband’s grandma is a twin.” And the stranger would often smile and nod like I had “real twins.” My answer was true. But we went through IVF.
    The good news? People have seemed to stop asking as the twins got older. Like LB said, none of their beeswax.

  • Mel says:

    Girl, people are stupid when they see twins! My BFF has twins and I could barely stand to go out with her when they were babies! I wanted to punch someone in the face every 5 minutes or so because the poor woman couldn’t just shop for some clothes or eat a freaking meal without encountering these oh-so-intrusive questions. I suggested to her, and pass on to you, getting some sort of t-shirts made with a threatening message about not approaching or with a lenghty explanation of the facts people need to know so that when they ask, you just point to number 8 or whatever!

    And CLEARLY you are not pregnant because you are in fantabulous shape based on pics! You are awesome!

  • mackbeth says:

    Thank goodness no one asked you to “smell them, because I just love the smell of babies”. i politely declined to let a strange woman smell my newborn and restrained from actually running to mall security. A close friend has 13 year old triplets, she would have felt more comfortable traveling in a burqua, bombarded with many of the same intrusive questions & comments about “how CRAZY she was”! So many people just need to smile and keep to themselves! Merry Christmas & enjoy it all!

  • trifitmom says:

    you are too funny !!! i don’t have twins but the one thing i hated was when i had my little girl (bald as she was) in a dress and someone would say oh HE is so cute. yea HE is all dressed as a girl today just for the hell of it

  • Heather says:

    Just wait until you start hearing the things people say TO your twins…(my sister and I used to get this all the time…) Oh, YOU’RE the one that’s good in math, YOU’RE the taller one (we’re identical), YOU’RE the creative one (we both are!) and on and on…

  • Leigh Ann says:

    Nail. Head.

    I love “Better you than me!” Because you are totally right! And my friend who said (upon finding out I was preggers w/ #3) “I just thought that since you had two you were done!” I guess i missed the notice that I had reached my limit.

  • Lisa says:

    When I get asked the personal questions (like did I breastfeed or c-section vs.vag) I really want to get up the courage to ask how their last pap smear went. But I usually do the “no eye contact” method or grin and bear it. I can’t wait to use the “My dog is a triplet” comment!

  • Wendy says:

    I get all of those questions too. I am always surprised at how many people come and ask me “1 boy and 1 girl”? When they are both dressed in very feminine clothes (and very obviously identical).

    I have to say..I have asked families if they have twins, because sometimes people dress their kids in the same clothes, even though they are not the same age..but the same size, roughly.

    When people ask me if twins run in my family, I always go off into a huge description of how fraternal twins are hereditary, and identicals are not..and go into great detail about ovulating multiple times etc, and they shut up quickly! Overkill with the scientific facts usually works well, haha.

    I would rather have someone tell me ALL my kids are cute, than making such a big deal over my twins and ignoring their older brother. Poor little guy…he’s no less cute than them, but doesn’t have a clone, so people ignore him.

  • Katie Moloko says:

    I am a mother to 6 year old indentical twins boys and have been asked many of the same questions. However, my favorite questions of all time was “Do they share the same brain?” and “Do they go to the bathroom at the same time? It never ceases to amaze me the things people will ask-typically a stranger to boot!

  • Bekah says:

    Never, never, NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant!! Even if she’s being wheeled on a gurney into a labor and delivery room. Compliment her haircut and walk away.

    I can’t get over the questions people ask pregnant women and new mothers. As if birthing a child suddenly makes you immune to rudeness…

  • Betsy says:

    I do not even have twins and just had a conversation about fraternal twins and how they run in families with someone who had all of the facts SOOOOO messed up it was not even funny. I love the comment about the techmical details. That is the method I used when people started asking about IVF. Just start talking about all of the shots and the conversation ends quickly.

  • Mom on the Verge says:

    I heard, “Are they identical?” all the time, even after telling them boy-girl. Uh, no. One has a uterus and the other one doesn’t. People always feel soooo silly when they realize what they’ve said.

  • Erin says:

    I get, “Are they natural?” all the time. Yet another way to ask if I’ve had fertility treatments, which, yes, I did. But seriously, natural? No, they are chock full of preservatives.

  • I loved this answer: β€œI’m a triplet. My husband is a triplet. Our dog is a triplet.”

    But another friend with twins (there ARE a lot of you ;)), told me she gets asked which one is the “bad twin”. WTH!

  • mary carousso says:

    I usually like your post, but this is very un-clever and frankly obnoxious. People are probably genuinely joyful about seeing twins, because it’s fun to see twins, so they ask innocuous questions…Why rag on people who are showing interest in your adorable babies….a bit of an inflated sense of your own self importance going on here…reality check!

  • Portia says:

    I am a twin to a boy and I also hate when I’m asked if we are fraternal or identical…Seriously? Do you people not know the meaning if identical? Sheesh!

  • Portia says:

    @ Mary Carousso…this a humorous blog…perhaps you did not read up to the end of this post where she stated that half of the list were things she asked prior to being the parent of twins. Mary please, check yourself!

  • Bitchin' Amy says:

    Shea took my comment. πŸ˜‰

    But, good lord, are people nosy! When I talk to someone with twins I always just say, “Congratulations to you! I admire anyone who can handle twins.” and leave it at that.

  • E says:

    Never have I minded someone asking about my deliveries–I kinda thought it was part of the comraderie of motherhood. But I will damn sure not ask someone that myself. In fact, after reading this and all the comments I think I will limit myself to “It appears that there is a live infant in the room.”

  • mary carousso says:

    Portia, I am well within my bounds to comment on a post that I found obnoxious, clearly I know this is a humorous blog, hence the reason why I read it regularly, but I appreciate your passion and concern….

  • MrsLaLa says:

    We get the same thing, actually we get asked if we have triplets all the time now becaus Nolan (a year younger than my twins) is SO big he looks the same age. It only irritates me because the girls WERE triplets and we lost one, so people’s innocent questions really tear me up. Other than that I don’t mind too terribly much unless they are personal questions (like, are you sorry you had so many so close together? Are you done now? Did you do IVF? Etc). I just tell people that triplets run in my family (we did IVF, but triplets DO run in my family).

  • Leigh Ann says:

    Well now that you said people were hating, I had to go back and read all the other comments!

    I can tell you (and everyone else) that before I HAD twins, I was probably pretty ignorant too. Every set of twins I knew growing up, even the fraternal ones, even the boy/girl fraternal ones, looked amazingly alike. I knew the b/g ones weren’t ID, I knew there was frat and ID, but twins were twins, they all looked alike, and I didn’t know any better. Now that I know so many twins, I have seen tons that don’t even look alike at all, and fellow moms have had other people tell them that there’s no way their kids can be twins. Cause they would know.

    So in defense of non twin people, I think that they are genuinely fascinated by twins. I know I am, even though I have them. I try to relish in the fact that people think my kids are interesting, and as long as they don’t do creepy stuff like try to take their picture with their phone (yes, happened to a friend of mine), then we’re good.

    But in defense of twin moms, it’s hard getting asked the same questions (some very intrusive) over and over again. When my twins were in the NICU, I really didn’t appreciate one of my former male clients asking me if I was able to breastfeed them. Thanks for taking that conversation to the awkward level!

  • Rebecca says:

    I used to love – which is the good one/bad one. Or if one was crying and the other wasn’t some stranger would say, oh – a little angel and a little devil.
    now that my girls are eight people say the stupid things directly to them! That’s the worst of all. Like, can you read each other’s thoughts? Or feel when the other one is in pain?
    It’s hard not to teach my girls nasty comebacks – but I’m sure they will be coming up with their own in no time.

  • Lauren O'Donnell says:

    I have read this blog for quite sometime but never posted a comment….until I read this! I have six month old identical twin girls and this list is DEAD ON! I even have people who ask if they are boys….when they are steeped in PINK! Anyway, glad to know I am not alone πŸ™‚

  • I often cringe when I think about half the things I said to mothers of any child combination before I had kids. But the “are they identical?” twin question always made me nuts. Let’s see…aside from the fact that one has a full head of crazy black hair and the other is as bald as Ed Asner…not to mention the fact that one is a BOY and the other is a GIRL…no I don’t think they quite fit the standard definition of “identical.” One of myother favorites was the time that I was pushing the double stroller while my three year old son held onto the side. As usual, Eleanor was dressed as, you know – a girl – possibly in a pink leopard print or something equally UNmasculine…and some guy walking by looked at the kids then looked at me and said: “Three boys – nice work!” I just said “thanks.” Sometimes it’s just better to let it go.

kelcey kintner