So with only one day left until the world ends, I figured you would want to know my take on everything important. Obviously, our time is limited, so let’s get started…
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger had a love child with his housekeeper. Of course, I immediately thought, “Why do women keep sleeping with Arnold when he is so freaky looking?” And then I thought, “Wait, maybe Rick has a love child with our housekeeper?!!” But then I thankfully realized that we don’t have a housekeeper. Finally an upside to being understaffed. And if Rick had a 5th child, he would be on a beach in Trinidad, drinking vodka martinis and starting a new life as a Caribbean dance instructor.
2. Speaking of the Caribbean.. there is a new “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel. The 4th one. Really?! I never saw that coming. Hasn’t Jack Sparrow run out of eyeliner yet?
3. A movie you should see… “Bridesmaids.” This movie is awesome. If you think a bride pooping in the middle of the street in her wedding dress is funny. Which I kind of do. I only regret that I didn’t wear a bridesmaid dress to the theater. It might not be too late for you.
4. “American Idol” spoiler coming up… I’m serious. Stop reading. Here it comes. I can’t believe Haley Reinhart got kicked off. She is SO TALENTED. Okay, fine. I don’t watch the show. I have no idea who she is but Rick was watching and he said things like… “Oh no!! That’s crazy!” So I’m outraged too.
5. After watching bits and pieces of “Justin Beiber: Never Say Never,” which seems to be on a never ending video loop in our house, my husband is now genuinely upset that he did not get the chance to become a teen pop star. I promised him that Justin Bieber is just as upset that he’s not a Fox News Channel TV anchor.
6. And that brings us to Katie Couric who signed off for the last time this week as the anchor of the CBS evening news. I love Katie and I think she should take her buckets of money, go back to “The Today Show” and save us all from Ann Curry.
7. I don’t care that “Oprah” is ending. Please don’t tell anyone.
8. Ashton Kutcher has officially replaced Charlie Sheen on “Two and a Half Men.” He’s definitely hotter but I can’t imagine it will make this show any better. You can’t convince me otherwise. I actually saw “No Strings Attached.” Please don’t tell anyone that either.
9. I am loving this season of “Friday Night Lights” although now I’m upset that my daughter Dylan is going to leave me, go to college and have an affair with a married man. I know she’s six.
10. My new favorite show is “Happy Endings” which is a sharp, frenetic, well written comedy. I also like “Mad Love” with Jason Biggs but it just got canceled. Takes me right back to the tearful moment I heard “Gary Unmarried” was finished. Even now, I still feel the sting whenever anyone mentions Jay Mohr.
P.S. I really am kidding about “Gary Unmarried.” I stopped watching that dumb show way before it got canceled.
P.P.S. Okay, maybe just a couple episodes before it got canceled.
P.P.P.S. I’d start a letter writing campaign to save “Mad Love” but only two of the characters are actually funny, plus I’m still exhausted from helping save “Party of Five.”