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Ever since we got displaced from our home and Dylan started first grade, she’s been sort of… how can I put this… a complete and total crazy emotional basket case. I’m guessing she is holding it together all day long at school and then just melts down afterward.

She gets upset and outraged over absolutely anything.

Like she was sobbing last week because she doesn’t have a bathroom attached to her bedroom. Yes, seriously.

I guess she saw that set-up at a friend’s house and has been outraged at the injustice in the world ever since because she has to WALK DOWN THE HALL to pee.  I strongly considered throwing her on a plane and shipping her to a third world country so she could experience the joys of living with no bathrooms at all.

So I knew I was in trouble when on her birthday last week, we decided to take a walk downtown and get s’mores. Because on the way, we passed a dead squirrel. And not dead like a squashed furry pancake but instead the entire body was intact, lying there with a complete look of terror in its eyes.

It was very creepy. There was no way I was going to take a photo of it but I made my dad do a reenactment….

Let’s pause for a moment to appreciate the fact that I got my dad to lie down and pretend to be a dead squirrel so I could put it on my blog.

And yes, that is what the squirrel actually looked like.

So, of course, on the way back from town, Dylan REFUSED to pass the squirrel again. She started crying when we were still a half a mile away from that thing.

Since my dad is my “dead animal removal” guy, I told him to go up ahead and get rid of it. Fortunately for him, we had just picked up sushi, so I gave him a plastic bag and a pair of chopsticks to assist with his mission.

Once he completed his task and rejoined us, he said..

“I took care of it. Nothing to worry about now.”

“Really? Are you sure it’s gone?” Dylan asked.

“Yes. I promise,” he said.

“Did you use the chopsticks?” she asked.


Turned out he picked the thing up by the tail (GASP!) and threw it in the woods.

We walked back to the house and thus concluded our fun trip to eat s’mores!

Meanwhile, if you’re looking for ideas on what to get Dylan for her 8th birthday next year, she’d love an ensuite bathroom.

24 Responses to squirrels should be more careful crossing the street

  • Julie McGuire says:

    God bless your father. Quite frankly, I would have walked miles out if my way to avoid a stiff squirel with a look of last minute terror in his eyes. If it’s not breathing, I’m avoiding.


  • Brandice says:

    I am just laughing so hard at your dad! That is awesome he reenacted the dead squirrel pose. Your blog always makes me laugh, but that one was the best! My dad would never be caught dead (or playing dead) doing anything goofy like that. What a fun family you have!

  • Stephanie Sass says:

    I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying! It’s 3:00 in the morning, the house is quiet and I’m trying to nurse the baby! I can’t stop laughing. Thank you for the much needed humor at this moment. Seriously. Best. Post. Ever.

  • KD says:

    Was cracking about your Dad reenacting the squirrel (I know the look and he did rock it) and then you had me stop for a minute and I laughed even harder.

  • JB says:

    Good luck with all the crying! I think that there is some hormonal thing that happens to girls between 5 and 8 that leads to intense emotions and a flood of tears with unexpected events/non-events. I went through it with my daughter who is generally pretty mellow and my only remedy was a lot of physical contact (the hugging, patting and kissign kind) all the time even when she wasn’t devastated that she had to use a different kind of toothpaste.

  • Alex says:

    Oh my god, I am cracking up on the subway right now and people are looking at me like I’m a crazy person. I think I actually saw one woman take a few steps back towards the center of the train. If she saw that picture of your dad she would be cracking up, too. I’m putting in my request for more Reinactments By Tom right now. I’ll even pay a monthly subscription rate to help cover his acting fees, and you could use some of the money for Dylan’s en suite bathroom. Seriously, what kind of mother are you?

  • bilingualmom says:

    Ok that pic of your dad just made my day! Love it and love your idea of shiping kids off to third world countries so they will appreciate what they have, I know I think about doing it all the time, specially since I come from a third world country and my kids have no idea what living a rough life even looks like. Just stumbled across you blog for the first time today and love it.

  • francine Kasen says:

    That sure looks like Larry David on your lawn!! Really….TomTom is a ringer and should get a job as his stunt double! Hang in there funny girl!!

  • Tonya says:

    You have the best dad in the world. Thespian of dead animals and remover of departed rodents. Wow!
    Would a bed pan put in the closet count as “en suite”?

  • Kerri says:

    Seriously, I have seen that look on a squirrel before & your dad portrayed it VERY well! What a hoot! Yes I recall that stage. My now 17 year old remembers it too. She recalls how she seemed to regress & have temper tantrums like a 2 year old. Kids…keep our lives interesting!

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kelcey kintner