When I became pregnant with our 5th child, I was told many many times, “Oh this one will have no choice but to go with the flow!”
And they were right. My 2 1/2 year old son Cash has an incredibly pleasant disposition. The kid barely ever cries and will exuberantly say hello to you a hundred times – especially if you are doing something super important like working on your computer to make a deadline and would prefer if a toddler didn’t help you with your powerpoint presentation.
But here’s what my son can’t seem to remember. I am old and I am tired.
But he is not.
Today I’m sharing a small list of things my son has done over the past couple weeks. Keep in mind, because of Cash’s determined effort to run free and hitchhike across America, our house is a fortress and we keep very close tabs on him. Like if we owed a parrot, the only thing it would know how to say is, “Where’s Cash? Oh there he is. Where’s Cash? Oh there he is.”
But despite our efforts, he still seems to squeeze in some very destructive activities or as he calls them, hobbies. Often when we are cleaning up one mess, he takes the opportunity to create a new one in another location. The kid really know how to maximize his time.
Things my 2 1/2 year old had done over the past couple weeks:
Cleaned our toilet with our kitchen cleaning brushes. Yeah, the ones we use to clean the dishes we put food on.
Threw his shoes (and socks) out the car window which I did not realize until we arrived home. I said to him, “Where are your shoes?” And he said, “window.” So I give him credit for fessing up. I retraced our route and found them because Paw Patrol sneakers aren’t going missing on my watch.
He threw a bunch of throw pillows into a bathtub filled with water.
Somehow opened a bag of grout he found and scattered it throughout the first floor of our house.
Dragged a heavy box over to the alarm system so he could reach the buttons. Pressed as many buttons as he could until the security person came over the intercom and asked if everything was okay at the home. Cash is thrilled at this new discovery that a voice came out of that box. He is planning future conversations!
Poured a half a gallon of milk onto the table. I mean, he initially started pouring it into a glass but then just kept going. It’s not his fault glasses are too small to hold a whole carton of milk.
Washed his hair at the bubble station at the Discovery and Science museum.
Squeezed out an entire bottle of shampoo and then when he heard me on the stairs, pulled out his sister’s Shopkins and played happily like nothing was up at all.
At the grocery store, he dug his fingers into raw pork chop before I could stop him. Raw pork. The kid is apparently not afraid of parasites.
Pumped out body lotion onto our bedspread and rug. Lavender scent if you’re wondering.
He requires us to wrap tape around the clip of his seat at dinner because he can open every clip out there. I tried just fastening the clip backwards and he looked at me like, “Woman, do you really think I’m that dumb?” I can say with confidence he’s not.
And finally, he just threw our landline phone into the tub. Which as you would expect, does not help a phone work better. But the upside, he didn’t electrocute the twins who were in the bath at the time.
So what can you do for me?
- Send me a bottle of wine (obviously I need it)
- Or share your own crazy kid story so I know I’m not the only one out there.
- Or reassure me that this is all a sign that Cash is going to be a future President some day.
- Maybe all of the above.