Rick and I were invited to a party this past weekend. I love a party. Who doesn’t love a party?! And then I saw the recommended attire… “Sexy Outdoor Attire.”
Whoa.
Nothing makes a woman who has given birth and breastfed four children consider skipping a party and watching reruns on the CW network like “sexy outdoor attire.”
But wait, I have some cute dresses.
In fact a backless wrap around dress that I wore all the time pre-children. I would just need to wear my Spanx knock offs and some kind of chest support. But I realized way too late in the day that I didn’t have any of those backless strapless bras or adhesive bras so I thought… packing tape. Naturally.
Then I went ahead and used clear packing tape to tape up my boobs.
And it was brilliant!
In concept. But it didn’t work at all because my breasts made crunchy noises and had sharp weird angles. Rick said it looked fine. And I think by “fine” he meant, “I really wish we could just leave and go to this party.”
So then I tried duct tape. Again, naturally.
Pretty much the same result.
At this point, I could hear Rick silently sighing, so I put on a different dress. One where I could wear a proper bra and my boobs didn’t have sharp weird angles.
The party was very fun. They had a fireworks display (really). And a topless woman covered in body art…
Perfect sexy outdoor attire.
14 Responses to sexy outdoor attire
kelcey kintner
You get invited to all the best parties!
Shame! Did no one think to get her a jersey?
You have the best friends!
Also – my boobs never looked like that – painted or not. Damn people with perky breasts.
“That’s a great elephant” – things said about my naked body art
What kind of parties do you guys go to?!
The ice sculpture in the background looks interesting…
she could have used some packing tape for those painted nipples. Wowza.
You looked GREAT…now you know the next time you are invited to one of those parties all you need is some body paint and away you go
OMG, can you imagine how awkward it would have been if you showed up with the same body art?! Whew!
Luckily, sexy attire is rarely required at parties in the Midwest. In fact, it’s usually prohibited.
I have no words….except you look fantastic. I think you chose beautifully.
First, you look AMAZING…it’s offensive
I cannot imagine getting an invitation like that, i would be scared. And as for topless girl, i may have started to fervently pray for her to get pregnant with triplets because her teeny waist and perky boobs are depressing me.
My god, where do you live and who are you friends with that you get invited to sexy outdoor attire parties!?!
I am sure you had more fun than watching the CW reruns