Spice Up Your Inbox. Subscribe Today.

enter your email address:


I like to envision myself as really mysterious and unpredictable and under the radar but apparently I’m pretty easy to figure out because a ton of you guessed that we bought the Toyota Highlander Hybrid.

Kirsten got it first so she gets to name our car. I am hoping she comes up with something fun, sporty and cool like, “The Answer to our Marital Problems because of its Individual Passenger Temperature Controls.” It’s a bit long and formal but I like it. And we can always nickname it “car.”

Rick and I have major temperature issues. He’s always really hot. And I’m normal. Or as Rick describes normal… “She’s always freakishly cold.”

Now Rick is a problem solver which means he’s figured out a way for me to solve the problem. He maintains that I can always put on additional layers but he can only take off so many clothes. But I’ve never seen him lying around buck naked in a tub of ice watching a Phillies’ game so I don’t think he’s making the full effort.

But here’s the brilliance of our Toyota Hybrid – we each get to choose our own temperature! Now I’m sure a million other kinds of cars do this as well, but I’ve been living a very sheltered life in my 1999 Jeep Cherokee. In my Cherokee, if you want to be warmer, you just gas up 14 times and drive to Boca Raton.

Now if only we had this genius Toyota technology in our house. And yes, we are absolutely considering sleeping in our car as a way to achieve marital harmony.

I’ll tell you one couple that can’t be fairing so well these days. Bernie and Ruth Madoff.

Bernie Madoff is that delightful chap who defrauded thousands of investors of billions of dollars with his Ponzi scheme and is now serving 150 years in prison.

You know Ruth gave Bernie the ole, “Honey, you know I love you. And I’m sure the 150 years will FLY by but until then, I’m signing up for eHarmony. And I’ll be shtupping our former gardener, if he hasn’t already been repossessed.”

But heck at least Bernie has a place to call home. Sad Ruth has nowhere to live because no building in Manhattan wants her. And on top of that, she’s apparently practically broke. I keep reading about how she was, “left with just 2.5 million after a cutting a deal with the feds to surrender all her other assets.”

JUST 2.5 million. How will she ever get by?!!

Clearly, the press needs to stop obsessing over Michael Jackson and start focusing on the plight of this poor woman.

I think maybe we should take up a collection or something. At least to get her started with an online dating service. I’d advise her to avoid those finance types.

mama bird notes:

The lovely and funny Ann of Ann’s Rants invited me to participate in Free Association Friday. Click here to check it out. Thanks for the opportunity Ann!

33 Responses to saving the earth one SUV at a time

  • Honestly, I’m laughing too hard to form a coherent comment. I’m going to have to come back to this because now I have a really horrid image of Ruth Madoff “shtupping” the former gardener.

  • stoneskin says:

    “He maintains that I can always put on additional layers but he can only take off so many clothes.”

    I use that same argument with my wife and I stick by it…

  • Kirsten says:

    Oh my gosh. I am brilliant. I am taking this very seriously, so let me give it some thought. I will come up with a very cool name for your new car. πŸ™‚

  • Kathy says:

    Congrats on your new car. I had a Highlander not the Hybrid, before moving to Germany and I love it. It was great in the snow. Thank god it was not a Mini Van you had me worried. Thought maybe you needed an intervention. Have a great weekend.

  • Jeanne says:

    Ooh, a new car! Congratulations! (They’re way more fun if you’re not the type of person who buys one very often. A couple of years ago I passed on my 1994 Saturn to my nephew and bought a Subaru wagon — total grandma car — I love it!)

  • TRACI says:

    Yay new car smell!! Now just be careful with your next latte, because I hear that spilling in a new car can really squash and marital harmony.

  • Madge says:

    we have the same temp issues. there should be a way to test for this before marriage. there should be prenup agreements just for temperature issues….

  • We noticed that in the Honda Odyssey, too, when we were test-driving vans. And we said, “What sort of spoiled affluent whiners would require the temp to be 72 degrees on one side of the car and 74 degrees on the other?”

    We didn’t know we were talking about you, or we would have been kinder.

  • SoMi's Nilsa says:

    I officially dub you “brilliant.” You have managed to start talking about an SUV and logically end talking about Ruth Madoff’s sex life. Baby you can ride my car….

  • HaB says:

    My husband is constantly telling me that he is going to die of heat exhaustion or his blood is going to boil. To which I reply – “Honey, it’s 15 degrees out side, January, it’s snowing and For the love of all that is Holy, take the fan out of the window and close it!

    OH…and congrats on the new car!

  • johanna says:

    I love anything with separate climate controls. Our warmer blanket on our bed and our car both have separate side controls and its saved our marriage πŸ™‚ or at least has allowed me to stay warm despite his “god, its hot in here” constant mentality.

  • Inna says:

    The fiance and I have the same heat issues. We’ve worked it out though, he sleeps half naked and I sleep dressed in fleece.
    Maybe sleeping in the car will help your marriage, but I wouldn’t shtupp in the new car, I hear it can be mighty uncomfortable… πŸ˜‰

  • Jordana says:

    I will never ever forget the time when we were roommates and I had the air conditioning on in my room and you had the heat on in yours. Since you are now having the same issues with Rick, I was going to surmise that it may be a Jewish thing – but with your appropos use of the word “shtupping” I may have to revise my hypothesis!

  • Michelle says:

    Poor, poor Ruth…and to think she had no idea the whole time and all she got was a measly $2.5 million…I wonder who is going to invest it for her?

  • Halala Mama says:

    Ahh Ismael and I have the same temperature issues. He’s accustomed to AFRICA and I’m not. I’m an a/c girl. Plus I have a fan in the bedroom. He hates it, but before he finishes the statement, “Turn off the fan, I’m cold,” he’s snoring. So I feel free to disregard anything he utters 30 seconds before sleep. I just kind of respond, “uh huh, okaaaaay.” to buy time.

    He was so happy though after I had the baby because I was FREEZING all the time. I realized one day I had run the furnace up to 78!!!! and was still cold. He was in heaven.

    I’m totally stealing your car. Not for the temp control. Just cause I want it! πŸ™‚

  • Betsy says:

    I love my Highlander Hybrid. Ours however being last year’s model, does not have dual air controls. But otherwise, I love it. I would recommend the all-weather floor mats. A little pricey, but after the first rainy or snowy day or the first cup of juice (or in my case the first carcass of an infant mouse) in your car, you will learn to love the industrial rubber mats. (Yes there was a dead baby mouse stuck to the all-weather floor mat in the passenger seat yesterday. You leave on vacation and the mice move into your garage and car. And due to the odor, I think some of its siblings expired in the airconditioning system. Quick, three guesses as to what we will be doing this weekend. ) I really do recommend the mats even though I’m sure your kids never spill anything.

  • Ann says:

    I’ve already got Ruthie’s paypal button up, so c’mon over folks and give what you can.

    Also? Kelcey’s EFFING hilarious, so don’t miss her Free associatin’

  • Dixie Chick says:

    I’m in the oh so practical, but devastating to the ego minivan right now and waiting for the year to get my Highlander Hybrid as well. I love the fact that the back gate now closes like my mini-van…

  • Cyn says:

    Solution for bedtime temp wars: heated mattress cover with dual controls. No need to for the blanket on top, which makes hubby cranky with heat exhaustion. YOU are delightfully warm from the bottom up πŸ™‚

  • Jacquie B says:

    Like shtupping! Great word! I also like effin’ just for the record! Regarding your post the other day about Dylan at art camp – I have all sorts of strategies & ideas from Behavior Therapists that I’ve used with Nolan regarding anxiety/new places, etc. I can almost guarantee a tear free drop off. Email me if you want details! πŸ™‚

  • Ella says:

    Did you read that article in the Stlye section a few days back that said poor Ruth was finding it hard to find anyone in the city to highlight her hair?
    Poor thing!
    Hope you are settling down in suburbia. Now that you have an SUV you’re sure to attract all the popular mommies πŸ™‚

  • Whoever invented individual temperature control should be shtupped by the gardener and whoever else is willing. I am constantly wearing sweatshirts and fuzzy slippers in the house because my dude needs it to be 45 degrees or else he’s sweating — freak! When I was looking at Toyota Highlander hybrids, they were bragging about 500 or 600 miles to the tank, which is reason enough for me to buy it, but I ended up buying another SUV hybrid who lied about their MPG instead. So, I hope you are faring better with your new Toy.

  • Stephanie (Tyler's Mom) says:

    We have a Rav, which was great until we had a baby and a dog…now it is too freakin tiny for the three of us and our GIANT yellow lab! The Highlander is next on our list. Well, as soon as the Accord heads to Honda heaven then we will upgrade to the Highlander. I can’t wait to hear what Kristen names it. Can she come up with a name for our Rav? Two years later and we have come up with nothing. πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

kelcey kintner