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Jun
01
2012

Have you ever noticed that we women are very critical of ourselves?

We are always finding something wrong with our bodies… our stomachs, our weight, the skin hanging down from our arms (what is that exactly?), our wrinkles, our hair, everything!

Just yesterday morning, I finished blow drying my hair and before I could pull out my flat iron and smooth those tresses down, I looked in the mirror and gasped.

 

It’s summertime. Hello humidity.

I was about to immediately ring my Keratin/ Brazilian Blowout connection when I remembered that I’m not doing it anymore. Crap.

But the point of this post is not about my fierce hair crisis. My point is – women are very self critical. And when we complain about our perceived faults (including frizzy wackadoodle hair), our children take that in.

When we describe our bodies as gross or fat or awful, our kids are listening.

Our daughters are listening.

And they are learning from us. Learning to be dissatisfied with their beautiful, strong, perfect bodies.

So this week, I ask you to do something for me.  Take a few minutes and vocalize three things about your body that you love. Proclaim your beauty in front of your children. Let them hear you. Talk about your fabulous toned arms. Or your awesome cheekbones. Or your cute polished toes. Yes, you will feel silly. But do it anyway.

Let them take it in.

As for me… I happen to love my green eyes. And my well shaped eyebrows. And my legs look pretty darn good in a pair of shorts.

And my hair? Well, I’m trying to love that too. It’s a work in progress.


23 Responses to proclaim your beauty

  • Steph says:

    thank you for the reminder. although i try to remind my girls how beautiful they are, it never hurts to tell them again.

  • Sarah says:

    Wonderful post, great idea!! And not just our daughters, our sons absorb this stuff, too.

    And have to tried Wen? (First and last info-mercial product I bought, it’s pretty great) then smooth on 2 drops (no more!) of Josie Maran argan oil from Sephora when you’re done blow drying. So much better than a Brazilian Cancer Blow Out…

    Flat irons killed my hair. I’m learning to love the round brush.

  • Missy says:

    My mother spent my childhood telling me how awful she looked and still does it as a 70 year old woman today! Almost like it is part of her daily routine. She would also make side comments to me about my “cute, short, chunky legs”, “big bubble butt,” and “pasty skin” comparing it to her own. sigh. She truly had no idea that these comments were hurtful and yes, I’m still trying to undo them.

  • Susan Kintner says:

    Fabulous. We each have so much about our bodies to treasure and to celebrate our assets is so important. A wonderful post. Thank you. mom

  • Leigh says:

    Good reminder. My daughter (9) told me she wanted to go out to a restaurant tonight. I told her I was dieting and really didn’t want to since we are going away next week anyway. She said “mom, your already skinny” I didn’t say anything because in my eyes I need to lose 10 lbs. I think I am going to go out to eat tonight!

  • Michelle says:

    Thank you, Kelsey. I always tell my daughter how beautiful she is because of how she looks and her beautiful heart, but forget to do the same thing for myself. Your blog is an inspiration to me because of your honesty, which I find quite beautiful.

  • Traci says:

    Wonderful advice! You can’t say those things enough. The word D. I. E. T. was never used in our house. Instead we could try to eat and exercise to be healthy. No food was ever off limit, but rather we enjoyed in moderation. My girls are 17 and 19 and have very good body images. And I love your hair!

  • beachgirl says:

    Love this post and love your hair as it reminds me of my own 🙂 We are outside playing with our kids last night and I was running after our daughter and laughing…out of nowhere my husband looked at me and said “you are so pretty”….we have been together for 15 years so we have gotten a bit complacent with our compliments to each other and I have to be honest this felt SO good…later that night when I was putting my daughter to bed she said to me “dad’s right mom you are so pretty”… and I said “thank you and so are you”…..we both went to bed feeling good about ourselves…

  • I think about this a lot. In fact, I have made a point of never talking about looking or feeling fat since having a daughter. I say that I have to exercise to be healthy and strong. And when I’m dieting (which is often), I say that I’m cutting sugar out of my diet because it’s not healthy. The truth is I’m still just as critical of myself and disappointed in my problem areas (which are just getting worse with age), but I never actually talk about it anymore.

    As for things I like about myself… I don’t know that I’ve ever gone out of my way to express positive thoughts (just to repress the negatives). Excellent advice!

  • April says:

    I’ve wanted to cut all my hair off for some time but have been afraid of what others would say. Two days ago I finally decided that it wasn’t about what other people thought and got up the nerve to do it. Directly afterward, my son told me how proud he was of me, gave me a high-five and said that I looked beautiful. In the middle of it, my husband told me how beautiful I was. We care so much what others will think that we let it influence how we feel about ourselves and we all need to have support to love what we have.

  • Betsy says:

    I agree. Girls need to grow up with a positive body image. Adults are the role models. I also only “diet” in healthy ways such as reducing sweets, exercise and eating healthier. Making positive comments about yourself in front of your children can have another positive too. YOU may just start to believe it. Don’t forget about the boys. They need to have healthy body images of themselves as well as what their potential loves will REALLY look like.

  • erinb says:

    This is my biggest struggle as a mom to not tear myself down especially in front of my girls. sadly its second nature for me to do so but I am trying…my heart would break if they ever said any of these negative things about themselves so its a work in progress. thanks for the reminder and great post xo

  • Mary Clare says:

    Amen! And may we emphasize our strengths and talents in front of our girls and be wildly enthusiastic about theirs!

  • Auntie T says:

    BRAVO……wonderful post! I am trying to love myself through all the stages of this life I am so blessed to have! If only the fashion, advertising and marketing world would love us just they way we are! Thank you for the very wise reminder!

  • anna see says:

    Soooo true!

    When my daughter talks about my cellulite with disdain, I say “I’m so glad I have such a strong, healthy body.” It’s not easy, but I do it anyway. I hope it’s working.

    I think most kids these days would rather have a disease than be fat, or “ugly.” hummph.

  • This is so true! I stopped buying fashion magazines because I didn’t want my daughter to look at that and think that’s what she needs to look like. I really try to watch what I say about my weight and body. I want her to grow up thinking it’s not what you look like, it’s about health and feeling strong and healthy.

    This had really helped me take stock of my insecurities and try to put them on the shelf so they do not become hers.

    Great post!

  • Marta says:

    Oh Kelcey, Yes I so terribly agree. I normally would not do this, but I am inclined to essentially comment an entire post that I had previously written. But maybe I’ll just send you there instead and you will see how much I understand and how hard I am trying to not let me daughter know what I really think inside. http://wp.me/poVIX-CV

  • Do we criticize ourselves as a protective shield – say what we think is visibly worst about ourselves so as to beat others to the punch? It’s a bad habit and hard, hard, hard to break – even when we think we’re being funny about our poochy tummies or sagging boobs – okay, wait, I’ll say “my” and not “our.” But yes, our kids are listening – daughters and, as one of these comments said, our sons. And if we run ourselves down in front of our sons, we stand a good chance of raising boys who think it’s okay to look at women and say “hmm…chunky ass, poochy tummy, flabby arms…” And then we’d have to kill them, and wouldn’t THAT be a waste of all these years of parenting?


kelcey kintner


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