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For some unknown reason – every since Chase and his sister were born, second baseman Chase Utley and the rest of my husband’s beloved Phillies’ players have been slumping. I hope Rick doesn’t thinks we’re re-naming our son just so the Phillies can have a better season.

Seriously Rick, we’re not.

And while the Phillies struggle, so do I.Β  I’ve had all kinds of unfun postpartum physical ailments. For example, I can tell that I’m very close to getting mastitis, which is a painful breast infection.

One thing that helps stop mastitis –Β  massaging the engorged breasts. So I’ve been pretty much doing this everywhere, including in the car on the way home from the hospital after I visit the twins in the NICU.

Until I realized that all the tour buses leaving the city had a fabulous bird’s eye view of my massage regimen. So I just want to say to the CT tour bus who enjoyed the show “Wicked” and then my free after show, “You’re very welcome.”

I also have to pump my breasts constantly because Chase and Harlowe still can’t really breastfeed very much. At the NICU, they have a room for pumping and it’s just the strangest thing to be in there with another mother.Β  I mean, we are both wearing these crazy contraptions that suck milk out of our breasts as we chat amicably about our new babies and the weather.

It definitely gives me flashbacks to high school when I ran into my friend’s mom in the gym locker room and had to chat with her while she stood there completely in the buff.

I’m also feeling a lot of guilt. I feel guilty when I’m away from the NICU. And I feel guilty when I’m away from my older girls. There’s already not enough of me to go around and I am still dealing with a lot of the physical pain from the c-section which prevents me from doing many things.

Luckily, so many people have offered to help.

I’ve had friends deliver food.

Pick up and take care of my older girls.

Offer to be my wet nurse (Oh, you know who you are.)

I might take a pass on that last one. Although it’s quite generous.

And thankfully, Dylan and Summer are warming up to the new babies.

Here’s Rick with his three beautiful girls….


Looks like we can keep the name Chase after all. Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay just pitched a perfect game (no hits, no walks, no errors, no name change).

47 Responses to postpartum is not sexy

  • Ann says:

    The fact that you are so open and honest about this will probably help you work through it more quickly, or at least lessen the intensity.

    As will your unflappable sense of humor. Which matches your newly unflappable engorged boobs.

    So sorry.

    Has anyone delivered you a very funny book that has nothing to do with babies or pregnancy? If not, I would love to. Just send me your address.


  • I am sending you loads of love and prayers for deflated boobs, a reduction in mommy guilt, and for the babes to come home soon.

    Oh, and for the Phillies. Gotta throw the husband a bone, right?

  • Marinka says:

    I’m so sorry. I really hope that the Phillies get better soon.

    And that you feel better and that you have all your beautiful children under one room soon.

  • mom101 says:

    Aw Kelcey, huge huge belated congrats to you, Rick and the girls, even if things don’t feel so beautiful right now remember – this too shall pass.

    You’ve got a beautiful family and regardless of what you’re feeling about yourself right now (stupid postpartum blues) I’d imagine you’ll be making us all look bad in no time.

    Hang in there mama. You are loved.

  • Krista says:

    I hear you sister! I just had baby #2 three weeks ago and the guilt just about did me in. Thankfully, it’s gotten a lot better- as I know it will for you too. Keep talking about it and letting it out. I know my husband thought I was a little crazy for awhile there… I’m so thankful to have a partner like him who will listen. Hang in there. Your children are adorable!

  • Loukia says:

    That is a lovely photo! I hope your entire family is home together soon, under one big happy roof! I know the feeling of guilt you speak of, on some level. When my oldest son was 3 he was in the hospital for two weeks with severe pneumonia and needed surgery and a chest tube – I never left his side except for an hour or two during the day to spend time with my then 10 month old son. It was brutal all around, and the feeling of guilt was horrible.
    I think it’s great that you are pretty upbeat and have a sense of humour about everything, as tired as you must be! Take care!

  • How are the babies, anyway? Are they fine, just too small to go home?

    And of course you are having a hard time – instead of being able to rest in one place, you’re having to run back and forth. I usually don’t go anywhere the first 2 weeks postpartum, and it’s still hard to get enough rest! Things will be easier once you get those cuties home (and they are nursing – their nursing might help the mastitis).

    Also, get one of those heating packs that you can warm up in the microwave – feels great on a sore breast and can help with any plugs.

  • Erin says:

    That guilt feeling must be standard in delivery rooms! I went from 1 child to 2 and thought my first would hate me. I mean, he probably does but I’ve gotten over it πŸ™‚ Your family will settle into it’s groove soon. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children!

  • Sarah Maizes says:

    Phillies fans! Who knew? Woo Hoo! Been there…done that and I can tell you the twins will never remember any of this. It’s harder on you than them. Have you had the fun of tandem breastfeeding yet? It’s like your own private huddle, but two of the players are sucking on your breasts. fun stuff. Sending best wishes. Sarah @ “Mommy Lite” http://www.MommyLiteOnline.com.

  • Kirsten says:

    Oh yes. The guilt and the breast feeding. I was paralyzed with guilt after my twins were born. I wondered how there would ever be enough of me to go around.

    But I think we all came though it all right.

  • kt says:

    i can totally relate to the postpartum and guilt piece! my identical twin boys were in the NICU for a little over 2 weeks while my c-sec incision was packed everyday due to leakage–ugh! A doc gave me good advice—“use this time while they’re in the NICU to heal and sleep–you won’t get it when they’re home.” I visited them twice a day and pumped there and home. It does all work out, and luckily they’re in such loving hands in the NICU. Trust that you will bond, you will have enough love to go around for everyone (except your husband for the first year–;)), and your breasts will become as famous as the Phillies.

  • Even having my twins at home – I felt incredible guilt over my 18 month old. It’s not easy and there will definitely be days when you feel like you can’t make anyone happy… But you already know that from your older two and you know how in the end you will always be there when they really need you. Your sense of humor will get you through it. And maybe some jewelry. I’ll e-mail Rick.

  • vodkamom says:

    you are incredible, and the family is AWESOME!!

    I am so very haopy for you. (And if I could pump ANY milk out of the saggy old things- I would send it to you FEDEX)

  • kristen says:

    i’m sorry the recovery of your surgery is slow – it was for me too, so i feel your pain.

    you’re family however, looks beautiful and happy and i know you’re doing a great job.

    sending love, kelcey. xo

  • Diane says:

    Forget that extra serving of guilt that comes with every child. You can only be in so many places and serve so many at one time. Seems to me – you are doing a fantastic job!

  • MommyTime says:

    Oh, Kelcy, I wish I lived closer so that I could do something to help. Not that I have a magic wand that can heal a c-section instantly, but I could bring over dinner. The guilt is hard, I know, but you have to remind yourself that you are doing everything the very best that you can. Adjustment is inevitable. But your children know you adore them. That counts for a lot. Sending hugs.

  • Wendi says:

    What a fabulous picture! There is nothing that can stop you and your witty outlook on life, which is why everyone loves and adores you! I wish I could be there with all of you! Xoxoxox

  • Jordana says:

    Three things (in absolutely no particular order):
    1) Ava has the same dress Dylan is wearing.
    2) I think you are haunted by my mom’s naked body – this is the second time you’ve mentioned in on MBD – it really must have been more traumatic for you than I knew ( :
    3) Rick now has FOUR beautiful girls!

    Love you hon! Feel better soon…BTW, I’ve been making some cheese for the kiddies – let me know when you want it ( :

  • Cherie says:

    Hey Kelcey – hard painful boons are a drag – i had the same thing and I remember (although barely – the pain was insane) my lactation specialist doing somethig with frozen cabbage…not sure if i was eating it or wearing it! But it worked. perhaps the nicu nurses have some tricks up their sleeves and cabbage in the freezer. Hope the babes come home soon so you can be in one place. The girls look like they are ready to take on their roles as big sisters!

  • Peta says:

    Ahg. Memories of cabbage. I think a heavy dose of guilt must be in the placenta. Two thoughts: On the plane, they always say “Put you own mask on first” -take care of yourself or you’ll be useless to all the kids. And, you’ve given Dylan and Summer two of the most precious gifts imaginable. Even thought it will take them a while to get it.
    Sending love & hugs.

  • MN Mama says:

    Thinking of you and praying for you. Hang in there! You truly are an incredible woman. I so admire you as a mom and a friend.

  • ErinB says:

    You are a superstar and we are all amazed by you…how you are handling everything AND blogging!! I hope you physical pain eases soon and life falls into place.big hugs to you all xoxo

  • Rene says:

    You’re doing great! from one NICU mom to another, you can do it. Pretty soon it’ll just be a great story you can tell the twins when they get older. Good Luck! Oh BTW my son is named Chase too. But everyone thought we named him after the Mizzou quarterback which we didn’t.


  • Amber says:

    A tip for pumping at the hospital, if you’re comfortable with it…wheel pump to your babies’ isoletes, have one of the nurses put up a privacy screen (like they would, I’m assuming, if you’re bf’ing) and pump there. I HATED pumping in a room (ours were singles, so I was in there alll alone) away from Alexa.

    The other people, some of the nurses even, thought I was a weirdo for doing it. But fuck it. I had supply issues from the prematurity, and I didn’t want to sit alone and read RSV pamphlets anymore πŸ˜›

  • my midwife suggested fenugreek tablets (from the health food store) to help w/milk production and engorgement. It works but w/ a VERY strange side effect: you smell like syrup. Seriously. There I was, all squashy and post-partum, bonding with my Medela and smelling like freakin Aunt Jemima. But it worked–milk came in so that I could make all those little popsicles in the freezer for my nicu-bambino. Continued side effect: Syrup still makes Husband a little frisky…

  • Becky says:

    You are a great mom and no need to feel any guilt. (if my husband knew I was writing this he would be laughing so hard he would be gasping for air! I am the queen of guilt!) I feel guilty for every single thing I do in the day! So you are not alone but seriously you are doing a great job and I am so impressed!!!!! πŸ™‚

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    What freaked you out about my sister being naked in the gym locker room? Was it her Swastika tattoo or her third breast? We’re so used to it by now…we forget.

  • Awww…Kelcey! I have been following your birth stories along but have not had a chance to comment yet. I really wanted to say though CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so so so happy for you, Rick and the girls. The babies are beautiful and I am glad you and the twins are all doing well πŸ™‚ They are simply beautiful – way to go!! When you make them that cute – maybe you should have more! *wink*

  • Kelcey, you are amazing. Keep the humor and lose the guilt. I know – easier said than done. I too was a NICU mama for almost a month and I too felt like my body was s science experiment for at least the first few months. You will get through this.

  • It’s impossible to say “Don’t feel guilty” but if it helps at all, me and ALL your readers think you are amazing and doing a great job. Hang in there and you massage those boobs until the cows come home. Or the twins. Ya know.

  • johanna says:

    Guilt will get you no where so just throw it away! You are doing a HELL of a GREAT job managing all you need to do right now and you clearly are doing an amazing juggling act. Looks like everyone is thriving and surviving so just keep at it! Steaming hot compresses on the sore boobs pre-massage works good-if you can manage to get a hot compress to go in the car with you. It will eventually all normalize so take it all in stride the best you can. Just keep squeezing all 4 of those precious babes of yours πŸ™‚

  • christy says:

    Kelcey, first of all, congratulations! And second, I know how hard it is having one baby in the nicu, so I can imagine how hard it is having two. I feel for you, and I hope they’re getting closer and closer to coming home all the time. This falls into TMI – but it might help you so here goes. When I suffered from breast engorgement my friend who is a doctor advised me to submerge my boobs (since I had a csection too, I couldn’t bathe – so I literally stood in the kitchen with two bowls of water on the countertop) and hand massage them from the outside down to the nipples. It helped release the milk in a way that it wouldn’t without being submergered in water. Yes, it looked crazy, but it worked! Do it a few times a day and I hope it helps you!

  • Julie says:

    Hi Kelcey,
    I had two terrible cases of mastitis in a row after my daughter was born. I found the most amazing doctor. She makes house calls, at least in the city. I got her name when I called La Leche League for help. Her name is Dr. Mona Gabay, 914-632-7999 or 917-716-9953. She helped me so much. Good luck, and congratulations!

  • Robyn says:

    I wish you could fast-forward through this hard part and get into the fun part. When everyone’s home under one roof and your boobs don’t hurt!

    You’re amazing – I hope you’re feeling better soon.

  • Robin says:

    When I had Hazel I struggled with some serious post partum blues. The BEST thing I found was a homeopathic oral spray by Liddell laboratories called “Blu.” It works marvelously and tastes like citrus. My midwife and lactation nurse both checked the ingredients and okayed it to use while breastfeeding. I hope you feel better soon!

    Blessings on your family!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    That photo of the older sisters and daddy welcoming Harlowe into the family should be in the Baby Book you have for her (You do have a Baby Book for each of them????).

  • Sorry you’re having to go through all this right now. That sucks butt, man. I wish I could make time go faster. For you, though. Not for me. Time is flying by way too fast for me. So I guess what I wish I could do is make a customized time-warp space continuum thingie for you, while leaving my time-warp space continuum thingie alone.

    I hope things get better for you very soon!

  • Arlene Yolles says:

    I agree with Jordana — that long-ago encounter at the Y must have really damaged you. I have to admit that I still have the most meaningful, fulfilling and informative conversations in the buff with other likewise women at the Y. Feel good and congratulations on your new 2 beautiful children. Arlene

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kelcey kintner