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There are certain things in life that happen that we just never see coming.

We never think we’re going to be one of those people.

One of those people…

who gets divorced.

or loses a child.

or gets laid off.

or feels the weight of depression.

or gets sick.

or has a miscarriage.

or loses a parent.

or has an alcohol problem.

or hears the diagnosis of cancer.

or feels completely alone.

And then it happens. That thing. That thing that doesn’t fit in with your life plan. And you are left to somehow put all the cracked pieces back together. Somehow move forward.Β  Somehow create a new plan.

My mother always says, God doesn’t close a door without opening a window.

But damn, that window can be hard to find.

And sometimes it seems wedged shut. Really tight.

But I do believe it’s always there.

I never expected to have three miscarriages. It wasn’t in my plan. So my life will be different now. Not exactly the way I thought it would be.

So I try to move forward. I try to breathe. I try to find that window.

I beg you – please please please don’t say, “I’m sorry.”

Just tell me something that makes you smile. Because maybe it will make me smile too.

dylan and summer in the ball pit

92 Responses to one of those people

  • I have been out of blogging for a while, and since I wasn’t headed to Blogher this year… I have sort of lost touch. But I read you all the time and think of your move to the burbs and sending you sushi… or pound cake. I won’t say “those meaningless words”…. because they are lame. I hate people who say them. Is that too strong? It just would always make me mad – especially they way they couldn’t look me in the eye, or would change the subject quickly. Sometimes I wanted to roll around in my grief and talk about it, but no one would. So I had to muddle my way through it alone. No window. No help. Here are things that make me smile – and they are weird: the smell of library books with plastic covers that crinkle when you open them. paying my bills and knowing that I don’t have anymore for another week, surprise gifts for no reason, a complete stranger telling me my kids are cute/polite/kind (even though I know they are spawn of the devil at times), the kids falling to sleep early so I have an extra 30 minutes to eat ice cream out of the carton, drinking a lot of wine but not having a hangover, laughing until my face falls off because my best friend called out of the blue, the first blooms of my garden & the smell of gardenias, my son’s lisp, good neighbors who want to have family BBQ’s (only in the burbs), and most of all other women who tell it like it is and don’t try to sugarcoat.

  • hokgardner says:

    I had what Barb Cooper calls a Joy Rush this weekend. I was snuggled on the couch under a pile of my kids watching cartoons, and I wanted to weep from the sheer joy of that moment. It’s those unexpected, joyful moments that get me through the tough times.

    And the picture of your girls is wonderful.

  • Abby Siegel says:

    What makes me smile? That picture of your girls. Our 22 year friendship. My unconditional and unexpected love for and of Murray. The feeling I get ever time I get off a ski lift and can fly down the slope. The fact that I am not afraid of flying. Oh crap this is turning into a grateful list! I hope that’s ok. I love you and happy birthday!!!

  • jessica Bern says:

    In a million years I never thought I would be a divorcee but I am and because of it I have grown to be a better person without a doubt

    And no matter what happened b/w my ex and I we got ourselves one hell of a little girl and for that I will always thank him

  • Jennifer H says:

    That picture of your girls makes me smile.

    The idea of you on a pink Vespa, in Italy at Lake Como, and George Clooney chasing after you, begging you to live with him at his place there. (That could totally happen, I’m not saying it just to make you smile…)

    xoxoxo, you

  • kerry says:

    Happy Birthday Kelce!

    Seeing my boys wrestle around like puppies and watching The Hangover have been recent smile inducers.

    Love and xoxo.

  • PAPA says:

    Nothing makes me smile more than kids joy. They see the world as it should be seen. They remind us in the end it will all be okay.
    You are better for having made me smile many, many times.
    Plus, I met you in real life and you’re mad cool πŸ˜‰

  • TRACI says:

    I just read Rock Of Love MILF bus, and um, was wondering…if I make the tshirts can I get in with the In Crowd?

    I won’t say I’m sorry. But how about that just sucks?

  • Kelsey kleiman says:

    I have 5 of those 10 covered. A 6th and 7th almost happened. An 8th is looming.
    (can’t tell of this is funny…maybe just a puzzle for those who know me)

  • Peta says:

    Didn’t expect to be parenting a profoundly handicapped daughter…but I am. What made me smile this week? Her sister made a teeny tiny paper model of a special bicycle she designed so her sister could ride with us. Not what I palnned on, but I’m still standing.

  • Angie says:

    Reading your blog makes me smile on a regular basis. And your honesty makes me smile. This post speaks so much truth… it helps me remember that we don’t walk in each others shoes, and when in doubt, it’s always best to open my arms and offer love, support and acceptance… rather than judgment.

  • Jen says:

    Watching my 4 1/2 y/o son ride his scooter makes me smile. I know more smiles will come when he can have a conversation with me, ask me tons of questions, and when he makes his first real friend:)

  • Bitsy says:

    You are also one of those people who makes other people laugh and think and pause. I hope it makes you smile to know that people are thinking of you and praying for you. I never would have thought that I could care about someone that I have never really met. But just like Angie said your blog makes me smile and I thank you for writing it.

  • christy says:

    I see from the other comments that today is your birthday. Chocolate cake with candles makes me smile. As does baskin robbins ice cream. And nice neighbors. Hopefully you’ll befriend one or more of your new neighbors and they will make you smile. Just don’t trot out the emmy upon first meeting them, because they’ll definitely be intimidated by it.

  • Karen says:

    Hoping to make you crack a smile: the other day I was walking with my 2 sons (5 & 2.5) across a parking lot. The 5 year old said to the 2.5 year old, “if you get smushed by a car, don’t tell mommy she didn’t warn you.”

  • susan kintner says:

    funny movies, water parks, community fairs, your gorgeous girls and husband, their many antics, your daughters’ view of moving-Rye ice cream and the hot tips for delivering food from NYC to Rye and all your marvelous blogs and pictures and “how many 12 step members does it take to change a light bulb?” Atleast 3….one to do it and the others to watch.
    Happy Birthday!
    xoxoxo momala

  • Michelle says:

    Come back to Boca and catch an Early Bird. Nothing funnier than sitting back and listening! Don’t forget your coupon!

  • Auntie T says:

    What makes me smile:
    Your girls, you and Quinny (my girls), our family and all our flaws and the fact that we do blended so well… getting together and laughing….any adventure with you, Rick and the girls! Love you and birthday hugs!

  • francine Kasen says:

    PUPPIES make me smile. And at my age, getting up out of a deep chair without making a grunting sound also makes me smile. Even the massive amounts of rain we have been getting makes me smile that my flowers and vegs are so happy.

  • Lucy says:

    Seeing the amazing amber light near the end of the day that is called the magic 15minutes, the smell of freshly cut grass, eating NZ fish ‘n’ chips and when charley says β€˜I lub you mummy’!
    Ps. The movie Hangover… Is hysterically funny!!! I don’t say this often but I would see it again. Love you kelcey!

  • I have know idea who that woman is that mentioned George and you together on a bike riding round Lake Como. She obviously doesn’t know me. It might be the last time you get a comment from her. Something to do with your spam filters – whatever!!!

  • laura says:

    cade just said, “hey mom, cooper rhymes with pooper. did you know that when you named my brother?” love you kelcey!!!

  • Chris says:

    Let’s see… I got pulled over for speeding yesterday and the officer only gave me a warning. [has never happened — I’ve had 24 moving violations — honest] I chose not to tell my husband. It’s a little funny… like when I switched us to decaf coffee without telling him and he had a headache for two weeks and didn’t know why. Take care.

  • Jordana says:

    Singing you our birthday song (even just in my head) makes me smile. Thinking of how you danced to crazy top-40 music to get us psyched for our nights out in Normandy. Your face when you realized that lobster was still alive when it came to the table. You doing cartwheels. Unsuccessfully looking for a pool in Manhattan in the early morning hours so you could swim. “Pink Lace.” Having a (root)beer buddy for 20+ years.

  • Brittany says:

    You’ll be at BlogHer, right? Do I need to bring with me, a super special suburban wife/mom survival kit? It’s packed with essentials. Like…cropped yoga pants in three shades of gray, a ruler to measure your lawn grass with, a coupon binder, a book about paint drying, and a margaritta set. Us suburban ladies love our margis:)

  • Pseudo says:

    I never imagined I’d be so changed by going through cancer and its treatments. But I learned to endure and now all the angst and drama of having two moody teens and a stressed out husband (work hours cut because of recession) is all relative. I can see right past it and find the goood.

  • E says:

    Miscarriages are terrible. The slide show Ron made of you, Rick, your dad, and the girls makes me smile! Such a gorgeous family. Going to the Bronx Zoo and seeing the baby gorillas makes me smile big time. Judd Apatow movies.

  • kim says:

    i was having a really bad week. my soon to be husband took me to the butterfly room at the science museum. i laughed as he ducked and dodged butterflies. he is afraid of a butterfly landing on him. this is funny. i completely forgot everything that made me cry, cause there were so many more things that made me laugh.

  • Rebecca S. says:

    Dave Sedaris books, a little Bravo TV, reading my daughter Beverly Cleary Ramona books. Good girlfriends. And kindred spirits. Lifting others up when they are down. You have no idea how much better you made me feel after I read your Motherlode post and found your blog.

  • MommyTime says:

    The smell of the grass after a summer rain; listening to my older child “read” a book he has memorized to his little sister; a giant bowl of fresh popcorn and hot chocolate on a cold afternoon; stupid pet tricks; hugs from a friend. These all make me smile.

    I send all positive thoughts for moments of joy for you.

  • mandy says:

    what make me laugh.. when my boys keep nagging me for the same thing over and over again like”I want chocolate milk” and at the moment i can’t get it for them, so after 10 minutes of them asking me i say to them “well I want to be 10 pounds thinner but we all don’t get what we want” and the the response i always get is “i don’t want ten pounds of dinner i want milk” lol!!!

  • Angie says:

    Well, that just sucks. I will tell you my favorite joke: Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

    In his sleevies!

    I know, it’s dumb, but hopefully it made you smile. Thank you for helping me (and so many others) to smile each day.

  • Dixie Chick says:

    Hmmmm, my youngest daughter makes me smile, when she tells me sincerely innocently “you look beautiful” in my old raggedy bathing suit I kept around and thankfully so, as it use to be baggy but fits now with the pounds I have gained.
    Yoga makes me smile too.
    My eldest daughter still grabbing my hand as we walk – it’s an inside smile of the heart.

  • Vicki says:

    I feel ya. In times of need I go straight for ice cream. If you want to eat a whole pint of mint chip, I’ll be right there with you. Mint chip can right all wrongs I think.

    I had 2 miscarriages and then I finally got pregnant and gave birth to the perfectest daughter one could have. She is bright, funny, adorable, sweet and polite. I think the universe had a plan for me to wait for just the right kid.

    What makes me smile? My daughter knows all the words to pretty much every hip hop or pop song. Her 2 faves right now are “Boom Pow” (Black Eyed Peas) and “Poker Face” (Lady GaGa). I look back at her in her car seat and she has this killer smile on her face, she’s nodding her head to the beat and shouting out the words at the top of her lungs. I crack up every time.

    Take a deep breath. Or two. Or five. You have a perfect family. Your girls are just adorable. And you have a kick ass blog that we all love!! We are lucky readers, that’s for sure.

  • erinb says:

    Remember that new years eve when I was single for the first time in 5 yrs from Mr. Uncommittable and you dragged me and abby on the NYE boat cruise and how fricken depressed I was-especially with all the LOVE around me and then someone behind me on the boat got engaged and I was ready to jump overboard??
    wow this story is actually a little depressing…umm let me try again…what is making me smile right now is that I am on vacation right now for the first time in 2 years and its a remake of ‘the perfect storm’ outside…without the hot fishermen…but my daughter and her cousin are having the times of their lives cuz they are with the people they love the most. They have not stopped laughing since they got in the car-how great is that??
    Love ya girl-hope you had a sweet bday-your first in the burbs!! PS did I set a record for the longest post?? xoxo

  • Jodi says:

    my girls came home from camp w/ this one….
    “How do you wake up Lady Gaga?”

    “Poke Her Face”!!!

    I giggled from it and hope you do too!!!

  • Patrick says:

    A guy walks into a bar. He sees a dog sitting at a table, playing poker. He asks the bartender, “Is the dog any good?” The bartender replies, “Nah, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.”

  • tracey says:


    Can I say that?

    This makes me laugh at my own parenting skills: My daughter fell asleep on the floor beside the computer begging to be held but it is 88 in the house! So I let her talk herself to sleep…

  • Amy says:

    We were just reminiscing tonight about the time my daughter threw up, she was about 2.5 and had recently eaten chocolate cake. “Mommy! I pooped from my mouf!” (mouth). Priceless.

    Keep the faith. My mom had a miscarriage and two still borns before going on to have us kids, all SIX of us. (She was finally diagnosed with an ‘incompetent’ cervix, geeze wonder if a man came up with THAT name.)

  • Lanie says:

    Friends and family. Big hair pictures from college (and high school . . .). Helping other people. Watching the twins dance and play. You singing the hallmark birthday song. The pictures of your girls.

    I am sending you lots of hugs! Happy happy birthday (if I could sing you the hallmark song I would but I can’t and it would definitely not make you smile if I tried). Great post! XOXO

  • Jordana says:

    I cannot believe you have cheated on me with the Lanie and the birthday song. That makes me smile. Happy birthday (again) 13 more minutes left ( : Goodnight sweet, Kelcey.

  • Portia says:

    Happy Birthday Kelcey. The picture of the girls made me smile…You have the real thing right there to make you smile every time you look at them. Thank God for the girls… and parking at The local Wholefoods.

  • BrooklynBaby says:

    How come???

    How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue.
    And then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where did the glue go?

    You know darned well where it went! That’s what makes the
    cake stick to your butt!

  • Diana says:

    Yesterday Eva (age 3) informed me she was going outside to catch butterflies. I replied, “ya, sure kid. Good luck” I’ll be damned if she didn’t catch one! My ever so slightly cynical self needed that. If you need a little more there’s always… what do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? nacho cheese. Oh, that’s terrible, but it makes me smile! You make me smile too K!

  • Becky says:

    curling up on the couch, with candles lit, a glass of cold white wine, kids asleep upstairs and watching a really bad yet WONDERFUL chick movie.

    Love you girl!!

  • Jessica says:

    My daughter’s swim suit bottom was wet and saggy yesterday and she looked just like the coppertone kid. So sweet.

    Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series is a sure bet for giggles. The new one came out today too. Try that and some Chipotle.

  • Laura says:

    My garden makes me smile – it’s completely peaceful, and it’s so rewarding to see hard work pay off with green, growing things and vegetables for the table. The best part about gardens is that you’re making something real out of an idea. It’s simple and joyful – something to focus on when other things get overwhelming. It’s also a fun thing to pass down to kids – teaching them about where food comes from, and watching them play productively in the dirt, is really rewarding. Now that you’re in the ‘burbs, maybe you could put in some cherry tomatoes or a small strawberry patch to play in with the girls? πŸ™‚

  • Quinn Carlson says:

    Your girls make me smile. Especially when we play chutes and ladders and Dylan cheats. Rick makes me smile when he dances to the music while sitting at the desk. The fact that you lost my husband in NY makes me laugh. But most of all, you make me smile. Hopefully, someday, I can return the favor.

  • Kim says:

    Not much makes me smile these days, since my daughter is in the height of the terrible two’s, and she is not even two yet (WTF)!!!!! Well, that’s untrue, looking forward to THAT glass of wine somewhere around 4 ish counts, right?! LOL….oops, I mean haha?! πŸ™‚

    Happy Birthday Day Kelcey, I hope that one of your neighbors surprises you with THAT pound cake already!

  • turnitupmom says:

    Things that make me smile: the sun after way too much rain, fun toenail polish, my daughter’s belly laugh, anticipating a vacation…just wish I didn’t have to pack!

  • Mary says:

    Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your site and wanted to say
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  • anymommy says:

    Your girls made me smile, what else, though I’m a bit late?

    This morning I was sniping at my husband and my 3 yr old son asked me why. I said, I don’t know what Daddy wants from me. He stood up and yelled into the kitchen. “Hey, Daddy, what do you want from Mommy?” I laughed.

    Also, what does a fish say when it slams its head into a big, cement wall? DAM!

  • Stephanie (Tyler's Mom) says:

    My daughter drinking toilet water, then drinking a Bath and Body Works Wallflower and then picking up our dog’s poop, WITH HER BARE HANDS! All in the same day! Did that make you smile?!?! I should get a mom of the year award! How many moms can say they called Poison Control 3X in one day?!?! πŸ™‚

  • Suzie says:

    I know I am late to post, but had to find this site for you–it’s called “Texts from Last Night”. if you ever need a good laugh (not kid-appropriate), check out this site. Sample text from last night:

    (206): got weed?
    (425): I’m really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I’m taking away your phone.
    (206): sorry mom…

    How can you not laugh at that?? I hope karma doesn’t come back to bite me on this one, because if my son does this, he’s going to be in BIG trouble! πŸ™‚

  • Becky says:

    I discovered my new puppy has black skin on her belly. This morning, when she heard Michael Jackson on Good Morning America, she sat up straight and cocked her head. What do you think that means? I think she is one cool sistah.

  • Strangel says:

    Hi.. I know this is an old post, but having held my wife’s hand through two miscarriages, I felt honor-bound to leave you a little something to watch. This always cheers me up, no matter what I’m going through – even if it doesn’t leave me laughing, the dimness is just a little bit brighter.


    It really gets going about a minute in. Definitely a “weepy-day” movie to own.

kelcey kintner