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I looked at baby Cash the other day and said to Rick…

Cash 3 weeks old

“He’s so cute. Couldn’t you just have one more?”

He didn’t respond but I noticed he started googling  “how to get a quick vasectomy when your wife is a lunatic” on his iPad.

This week, I decided to take our 5 kids to the library after school. I mean, what could go wrong?

Other than Cash howling because he was apparently starving and the moment I sat down to nurse him, 3-year-old Chase said, “I have to poop.”

I tried to convince 8-year-old Dylan to take him to the bathroom but she claimed wiping poop is not part of her skill set.  6-year-old Summer was suddenly very focused on children’s literature.

I told Chase I would take him to the bathroom in a few minutes which caused him to yell out, “I HAVE TO POOP NOW!!” Okay, simmer down there boy. This is a library.

I stopped nursing Cash and brought Chase to do his business.

But he only peed.

Then I went back to feeding Cash and about 47 seconds later Chase said, “I have to poop.”

OMG. Poor Cash once again lost his chance at a meal, as I walked Chase back to the bathroom. Where he did indeed finally poop.

And I think the kids checked out books, although I don’t even know because I just handed my older girls the library cards and told them to take care of it. So we may have stolen them but whatever, at least they won’t be overdue.

Meanwhile, the twins are going to camp in a few weeks which is good because I asked Chase the other day who his friends are. This was the list.

1. Daddy

2. Tommy Tom (his grandfather)

3. Matej (his cousin)

4. Cash (his baby brother)

See? Chase needs some non-family friends. You know, just a couple toddlers boys that he can hang with and tell them about his ridiculous mother who tried to get him to hold his poop at the library.

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20 Responses to okay, this got a little stressful

  • Elisa says:

    Girl, I have been surrounded by dust and lots of banging (and not the good kind) for two weeks while they replace all the windows in the house and repave the patio and some other stuff I don’t know much about other than it is loud and it allows all kinds of strange men to hang at my house or right outside my windows, where I have really see-through curtains, which means I have had to be completely dressed head-to-toe at all times in the past two weeks.

    What was my point? Oh yeah, despite that with all that going on I still had to do the school pick up and drop off, the guitar lessons and dance try-outs and study for my own exams… I look at you with 5 gorgeous kids and being so gorgeous and not dysfunctional and think… I have no right to feel exhausted, look at her. Damn you for being so awesome, Kelcey 😉

  • MN Mama says:

    I am in awe…. you took five children to the library! Wow! Mother of the year award is coming your way!

  • Joanna S. says:

    I have two kids (a 5 y.o. boy, 17 month daughter) and this is how I feel anytime I take them anywhere together! And yes, “what could go wrong?” is a mother’s famous last words I’ve decided. I’d like to mention by 5 y.o. is very needy (it was just him and I for 3 years so I babied him way too much) and the 17 month old is CRAZY!! Who knew a 17 month old can climb a tree when you turn your back for five seconds to watch your five year old do some super cool trick? Yes, yes they can… they just can’t climb down.

  • hahahahahahaha!

    I took all the kids to the oldest’s softball game. BY MYSELF.

    My stay-at-home dad husband stayed at home…for a nap. Because that’s the deal when I’ve been out-of-town on business travel…he gets a weekend nap.

    I was horrified that I’d be at the game all. by. myself. Didn’t he want to keep the toddlers for an early nap?

    But then my husband reminded me that the oldest is very nearly 13. Baby-sitting age. And my twin stepsons are 10.5…and the toddler twins are 3.5 and certainly more self-sufficient than I think…and that HE SCHLEPS THEM EVERYWHERE BY HIMSELF ALL THE TIME.

    I’m a wuss. I admit it.

    You, my dear, are a rockstar.

    And Cash will be the most agreeable baby ever.

  • Katie says:

    The two-tries poop is so familiar around here, I have a little one who will poop, then scream “I’M ALL DOOOOONE!” only to run back to the bathroom 5 minutes later to pee. Repeat “I’M ALL DOOOONE!”. Hello, can we do BOTH AT ONCE, please?

  • You know, I look back and wonder how I ever had the courage to take 5 children ANYWHERE. I guess the alternative of staying in the house all day with them was even worse.

    And see how quickly you will forget the trauma?

    • Kelcey says:

      I completely agree. Being trapped in the house (where I do all the clean up) is way worse. I never understood how you ended up with 6 kids until I kept having them. Now I get it.

  • Jen says:

    What I love about your writing is it is short, to the point, and hilarious. As a busy mom who has about 2.2 seconds to herself all day, I do not want a thesis. I want something that makes me laugh and I can read in a spare moment. Your blog fits the bill, and never ceases to resonate with me. Thank you!

  • anymommy says:

    As “that” mom, who just yesterday left her baggage AND her three children ages 7, 7, and 5 unattended outside of airport security while she rushed her three year old to the bathroom for a code red poop emergency, I love you for this post.

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kelcey kintner