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Dec
05
2011

I recently got this email…

“I came across your Mama Bird Diaries website and I thought it could be the perfect place to find fabulous new moms. ย We are looking to cast pregnant, first time moms that live an elite lifestyle in NYC for the second season of ‘Pregnant in Heels’…. Do you know any readers that fit this criteria?”

And I immediately thought, “Wait – they aren’t asking me to be on the show?!”

I own heels! I could buy more!

I mean, sure there are a few other little kinks to work out. Like I guess I would have to get pregnant. And although I haven’t officially run it by him, I’m sure Rick would totally be on board.ย  At least once he knows how important this show is to me. Plus, I think if you buy four college educations, the fifth one is free.

And maybe it’s not our FIRST pregnancy. But I could hide those four little rugrats during the filming. As it is, I usually forget they are even in the house due to them being so silent and unneedy all the time.

The show also wants me to be living an elite New York City lifestyle.ย  I don’t really live in NYC anymore but I think I make up for it by being super elite. Like I always drink champagne.ย  Usually Andre.

And sometimes when I’m folding laundry, I wear a long white dress and pretend I’m Pippa Middleton and that I’m screening calls from Prince Harry because I find his need for attention just exhausting. I also try to look down on people who don’t watch “Gossip Girl” because I’m just elite like that.

So as you can see, I’m pretty much guaranteed a spot in the cast. And if that doesn’t work out, there’s always the new show, “The Virgin Diaries.”

Have you seen this promo? Oh my god. I really hope your first kiss wasn’t like this…

I’m sorry you had to see that. Really, I am.


33 Responses to not quite pregnant in heels

  • Lanie says:

    Wow – what a kiss – at least there was no face licking (who am I kidding there is nothing positive to write about that kiss). I will definitely watch “Pregnant in Heels” if you are on it. ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxo

  • that kiss is like the best ad EVER for teenage sex. Practice, my friends, practice, lest your newly wedded partner tries to eat your face during that first kiss.

    (you should totally be on pregnant in heels. if anyone can pull it off, you can).

  • Nicole says:

    Shudder.

    So this is not a call for readers to be on the show…it’s my new life goal, a reality show. I was sadly not eligible for the hip Silicon Valley youngsters who work 18 hour days then party in the wee hours show. But other than the fact that I live in CA, have 2 kids and am not pregnant, I’m there…I’m wearing heels at least.

  • Chelle says:

    Oh my dear God, I feel so sorry for that woman. And I agree with whoever said that they need to bleach their eyes. That was the best ad for practicing before marriage I have ever seen, but I now need to get the image out of my head.

    Some things you can just never “unsee.” Wow.

  • franny says:

    PLEASE!!!! That is NOTHING compared to the disgusting sham of a kiss that Liza Minelli shared with her latest gay husband….David Gest. It must be out there in cyber space….but beware, it is NOT for the faint of heart!!

  • Nancy in Montana says:

    OMG, this is the video that won’t go away and I predict it’s going to be at least in the top 10 viral videos of 2011 at the end of the year. With this chewing, chomping, grinding kiss, I shudder to think what their wedding night was like. The possibilities are metaphysically disturbing, in the least. Switching gears though, I saw an actual casting call posted today asking for a photogenic mother and daughter who both happen to be pregnant right now, for a new reality show. And just when you thought they were out of ideas for reality shows. . .

  • Candice says:

    Oh. My. Goodness! That had me laughing so hard that I almost stopped breathing (I was trying to laugh quietly because I just got my kids to sleep)! I am sharing this video with all my teenage acquaintances…or at least I will seriously consider it.

  • DawnGes says:

    So at first I read your post, laughed my socks off and had no desire to watch the video. Then I decided that by not watching the video I was breaking some sort of loyalty to Kelcey code by not finishing your whole post and clicking play so I clicked play. Now I’ve decided never ever to eat anything right before watching a video that you put on your blog.

    I feel sick.

    Please make us laugh again…:)

  • Roxanne says:

    It’s like they’re trying to eat each other’s tongues!

    Those kisses are so unbelievable. I remember my first awkward kiss and it was NOTHING like that.

  • Aimee says:

    ewwwww Kelcey –ewwww–I am not sure if I want to laugh my ass off or gag after that little doozy of a promo ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL

    Imagine what pregnant in heels could look like! Cuz I am wicked sure you were wearing heels all the time when preggers with the twins right? ๐Ÿ™‚ Seriously where do they come up with these shows!


kelcey kintner


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