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19-month-old Chase learned how to climb on top of the dining room table.

Now about 37 times a day, I take him off and he immediately climbs back on.Β  He often stands up and I’m worried he’s going to fall because he’s got the balance of a very heavy drinker.

I started brainstorming on ways to keep him off the table and this is what I have come up with so far. These are just rough ideas so please don’t be judgmental.

1. Install an electric fence around the table.

2. Weigh Chase down with heavy sandbags so he can’t scale anything.

3. Build a moat around the table.

4. Buy alligators for the moat.

5. Buy other children alligator proof wetsuits so they can still get to the table for dinner.

6. Remove toilet and cabinet locks so that Chase will be so busy playing in toilets and eating cookies that he’ll forget all about the table.

7. Search for a new dining room table with a height of approximately 3 to 4 inches so there will be no danger if he topples off. Realize there are no such tables. Start figuring out ways to take advantage of this untapped market.

8. Sit down with Chase and have a reasonable conversation with him about the potential dangers of his reckless behavior.

I’m obviously going to try all these ideas. But just in the off chance none of them pan out, anything you might suggest?

P.S. Hope you all had a very happy Christmas. Ours was good. Very good.


21 Responses to no bare feet on the table. signed, the management

  • Nina says:

    These are short tables likes the ones you speak of…you know those short tables that are at some Asian restaurants. Just take the legs off the table you have and get a bunch of big pillows for everyone to sit on. Not sure how that will work with the twins’ highchairs, but it’s a start. πŸ™‚

  • Penny says:

    I fenced off my kitchen/dining room with a bunch of gates when I realized that my grandson was a climber (none of my own kids were), but I realize that’s not an option for everyone. A friend of mine had to bungee cord her chairs to her table legs, unless they were eating. Of course if you would like to use your table for other then eating for the next few years, that’s not much of an option either.

    I hope someone has a better solution then either one that I’ve mentioned…

  • Kerri says:

    For my singletons we took the chairs away from the table so they couldn’t climb it. That didn’t work for our twins though as they simply helped each other. One would get down on all fours & pretended to be a foot stool & the other would climb on top, on to the table. Then the climber would reach down & hoist up the other one! My foster twin girls didn’t figure that out, but my foster twin boys sure did!

    They also figured out safety locks, gates, etc….TOGETHER….even before they could talk they could “communicate” with each other.

    Warning…they don’t outgrow it. At 11 years old they can still communicate without a word. We are used to it, but is sure freaks out other people when they do things. Eg: one will hand the other a hairbrush, even though it was not verbally asked for or even a hand gesture. They finish each other’s sentences. Some people find it hard to listen. If you close your eyes and only listen, you would think there was only one person talking!

    It isn’t just a phenomena with identical twins either. Fraternal ones do it as well!

    You just explained why I not only wipe my table off after we eat, but also before!

  • I squirt my cats with a water bottle but that is currently not working for me…so I’ve got nothing for you. Maybe he can just hold the flowers as he stands in the center of the table?

    Merry Christmas! Ours was also fabulous and now we can sleep for like five days straight, right?

  • Becca says:

    Ahh…how I remember those days. When one twin would eventually lead the other to the march of the table. I solved it by putting the chairs up on the table when we weren’t eating. Eventually interest was lost and they moved onto other things to use wrong/destroy.

    • Jordana says:

      That’s Kelcey’s sister, not Kelcey. But since her sister is 9 years younger, kelcey is going to be very flattered : )

  • He won’t fall. And like suburbancorrespondent says, if he does, it will be only once (and nothing will break. he’s still very gumby-like). But welcome to boy world. Climb it, scale it, shoot it, chew it, bang it, thwack it, run into it. While you’re at it, teach him to dust. That way when he’s on top of all these surfaces, he can at least be helpful while giving you a heart attack.

  • Emily says:

    I’m wondering if Chase is simply creating a diversion (by climbing onto the table) while Harlowe is doing something fare worse…

  • Valerie says:

    Just wait! My twins recently went through that too. And while I still find them on the table occasionally it isn’t nonstop like it was just a couple of weeks ago. πŸ™‚ The stage really passes. All four of my kids are climbers, so even my older kids still climb all over the place, but really there is no solution besides time. I’ve tried it all (bungee cords are BAAAAAAAAAAD when four kids are involved…read…black eyes and welts). And boys, they’re determined to make our hair gray, our eyes droopy, and our face covered in wrinkles. Terrifying feats I tell you! He’ll survive. One of my boys stood up and got his head with the spikey part of our chandelier. Judging by the noise coming from his room right now (he just got up from his nap) he’s no worse for the wear. Hang in there!

  • Kate says:

    If you could fashion some sort of spikes to go all over the table, then it wouldn’t be a very pleasant experience once he got on top. Of course, it wouldn’t be great for eating, either, but every decision has trade offs.

  • MommyTime says:

    You could buy those rubbery strips made for chairs to roll on over carpet. They have very pointy nubs on the bottoms, designed to poke into the carpet. Put them point-side-up on the table, and it will feel too prickly for him to want to climb up there. Of course, it’s usually a trick for keeping cats off tables. And it doesn’t make your table look very pretty. But it might work. πŸ™‚ Good luck!

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kelcey kintner