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There’s something about social networks that bother me. First of all, I’m irritated that I didn’t steal the idea from a couple of twins in college, screw over my best friend and make a billion dollars.  But let’s face it, in college I was more concerned with doing kamikaze shots, mugging with cute boys and showing off my state of the art word processor. So perhaps I wasn’t exactly on the cusp of inventing Facebook.

Here is my other beef.  Social networks are too interconnected.

I just don’t want to log onto Twitter so I can post on my Facebook account that I BBM’d my LinkedIn connections that I just walked into a Starbucks. You know what I mean? I like a little bit of privacy in this online world. I want to control the information.

Which is why it sort of disturbed me when I got an email from my friend Liza that said…

“How come you have me in your Blackberry as “Liza (Charlie and Claire’s mom)?”

You see, I always put little notes in my Blackberry so I can remember who people are.  And Liza IS Charlie and Claire’s mom. But I had no idea she could SEE THIS description every time I email her.

I feel violated.

And panicked.

I frantically run through my Blackberry. And you should too. Be on the lookout for things like….

Michelle (Chatty mom from gymnastics class)

Barbara (Mom with fabulous Botox – get her doctor’s number)

Eddie (Not so smart but super cheap plumber)

Gretchen (Mom who insists on taking my spot every morning at preschool)

Once I’ve do some editing of my not-so-private contact list, Rick and I head out to dinner. It’s a hot new restaurant and by hot I mean, you get to sit down an hour past your reservation.

At one point, as hunger pains begin to ravage our entire bodies, Rick leans over the hostess’ shoulder to glance at the computer and check our progress.  And he sees that the hostess has described him as “handsome man.”

That’s right.

While other patrons are described as “man with beard” or “woman in green dress” so the hostess can find them when their table is ready, my husband gets “handsome man.”

It must just be grueling to be Rick sometimes. How does he get through a day?

And yes, I’ve already edited my Blackberry contacts to read…

Rick (husband, handsome man)

24 Responses to my social network

  • Jennifer says:

    You know, you could change your OUTgoing contact info (that shows up on caller ID) to read: Kelcey (gorgeous girl with great hair). Not that I’ve thought this through or anything,

    I have to find my phone now.

  • Shannon Maida says:

    You had me at word processor. I just tried to explain to my 8th grade students, the other day, what differences there were in technology just a few years back. As I brought up a picture of my word processor, not one of them could I identify what it was. Once I told them, the entire period was spent just trying to get them focused again. Oi!

  • magpie says:

    LOL. I used to have someone in my Rolodex (yes, once upon a time I had a Rolodex) who was noted as “hostile incompetent”. Because he was. He was also a self-hating gay priest, like, for real, but more importantly he was a hostile incompetent.

  • francine Kasen says:

    For the over 50 crowd….My address book (by that I mean an actual BOOK that is frequently lost, and very important) has “notes” such as ‘A-hole, do NOT let her in to my funeral’. Thta’s because she once went to a shiva of a friend’s and came with an agenda to get the local Rabbi to endorse her for a Bd of Ed election! It also includes a veritable family tree so I can remember which kid married/divorced who etc. etc. Your post has me smiling already today, and I’m hung over from my Oscar Party!

  • annie says:

    Ugh, I’ve been going through this too. I hate when my worlds collide!!!
    I’m thinking about going back to letter writing and phone calls. Except the neighbors have baby monitor and may be listening to my every word. Not that I used to do that or anything.

  • Beth says:

    Hahaha! Love this! Handsome man, indeed! I’m sure that did nothing to boost his ego, did it? Now I’m wondering what they put about me…thirtysomething dumpy looking Mom who doesn’t know how to dress??? LOL

    And I have been coming to the realization that some of the posts I comment on Facebook actually go to some of my “friends.” I’m horrified, actually, to think that they see everything I comment on. I thought they’d have to go to my profile page to do that. So now I am hesitating to comment due to wondering who the hell is going to be reading it! I feel violated, too, and am realizing exactly why I hesitated to become a facebooker in the first place! Maybe I’ll just be a facebook stalker from now on. Most of my “friends” are anyway…always wondered why they never commented on stuff. They must’ve “forgot” to fill me in!!!

  • awwww.lol, how does he put up with the daily torture of being “handsome man.” =)

    i once labeled a contact as “Don’t Pick Up.” We were hanging out when he lost his phone and asked to use mine to call his so he could locate it. When he scrolled down to find his name, he couldn’t find it and asked what I had listed him under. “Ummm, you know what, let me call your phone instead. You go ahead and look around.” Oops, I have edited my contacts since.

  • Snarky Mommy says:

    I always get annoyed with people (especially writerly-types) who update both their Facebook and Twitter with the same feed. Dude, you’re a WRITER. If you can’t come up with two different things to say a day, I have serious misgivings about you.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    You are probably listed in someone’s phone as ‘mother of a baby bird’…and her twin brother who is a human baby.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Are you ready to change Harlowe’s name to Robin? Or are you waiting for her to start flying?

  • Denise says:

    I do the same thing and had no idea people can see them or can people see them from an iPhone?

    That’s pretty funny about Rick. I was woman in tall boots on a list just last week. Gorgeous mom with well behaved kids would’ve been better.

  • WHAAA, are you serious? I had no idea that happens. I think I will revert to my dad’s cell phone style which is to never store any number under a name, instead just try to remember everyone’s phone number not at all…

  • Tonya says:

    I think I know Eddie and Gretchen. In my phone her description has a few expletives.
    I’m with Erin here I didn’t know technology was ratting me out. I’m very disturbed and going back to using a rotary phone or maybe carrier pigeons.
    Lucky you being married to ‘handsome man’! Although I’m sure somewhere there is a concierge who has you down as “super hot chick”!

  • Mwa says:

    I get worried by who sees what as well. There’s no such thing as privacy any more, especially not if you’re at all enmeshed in the Google thing, and who isn’t any more? Wouldn’t mind being described as “pretty girl” though.

  • Shouldn’t it read Rick (occasional limo driver to cash-carrying drunks)?
    But aside from that, thanks for creating huge paranoia, similar to that when you think OH SHIT DID I JUST HIT REPLY ALL??? And you wish you could crawl through that little cable and grab the ankle of the disappearing email before it gets out into the world…

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kelcey kintner