“I had a dream last night that you cheated on me,” I said to Rick one morning. “I guess because we’ve been watching Nashville and it’s one of the story lines.”
“Really?! What happened in the dream?” Rick asked.
“Oh I moved out. I left you with the four kids and shacked up with some guy I had a crush on in my twenties. Given the situation, it all worked out pretty well for me. I just saw it has an unexpected opportunity to date other people,” I responded.
“Wait – you left me with the four kids?!”
“Well, you did cheat on me. Which you haven’t even apologized for yet.”
“It’s okay. Sorry I abandoned you with all the kids.”
Meanwhile in real life, my husband has been severely neglecting his duties to help me address holiday cards. He claims he can’t because of an injury…
That’s him soaking his sore thumb. Apparently, it’s very infected to the point where he needs antibiotics. The infection has a weird name. I think it’s called, “I-Don’t-Feel-Like-Addressing-Christmas-Cards-Because-I’m-Jewish-But-My-Wife-Is-Trying-To-Make-Me-Interfaithitus.” Or something like that.
And in things that have to do with other people’s lives but not mine, I happened to see an ad for a pet tracking device on TV. The purpose is to prevent lost pets and their tag line is…
“Keep Your Dog Off the Pole.”
Which is nice because it will hopefully keep dogs from getting lost and also keep them from becoming strippers. Since I’m not a pet owner, I didn’t actually know a lot of dogs became strippers but it’s great to know something is being done to curb this canine problem.
Finally, you all know that I have some elf anger which is not pretty, especially during such a jolly time of year. I realized I had two options… take the chance that I might assault an innocent elf at the mall or get my emotions out by writing about it. So here’s my piece for Lifetime Moms. The elves at the mall must be so relieved.
mama bird notes:
Holly Camp Cards (a small business and MBD advertiser) is giving mama bird readers a 25% discount with the code BIRD25. Happy shopping.