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Jul
13
2015

Before you see Magic Mike XXL, keep in mind that you won’t be able to unsee this movie. Also – I can’t really spoil it for you because not much actually happens.

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Magic Mike (played by Tanning Chatum or Tatum Channing or Channing Tatum) plays a former stripper who decides to go on one last trip to a stripping convention with his buddies. They all seem to have trouble with the English language and there are long pauses in the dialog that are a wonderful opportunity to think about what you might have missed at the grocery store earlier in the day.

At the beginning of the movie, Magic Mike does a Flashdance inspired scene but instead of drooling over his dance moves and abs, you end up laughing and cringing.

Magic Mike Flashdance

Mostly because you can’t believe you paid $12 to see this movie (and that doesn’t count the Junior mints and the babysitter). And you will wish you were home in your pajamas, watching Jennifer Beals instead. Tatum is a great dancer but he’s just so cheesy in this, that you can’t even appreciate his abilities or eye candy appeal.

But you will enjoy lines (that you can later work into your every day conversations) like…

“Enough bro-time. It’s showtime!”

“If I go down, I’m going down in a tsunami of dollar bills.”

“When shit’s not going your way, getting a little crazy with some random friends can help you sort out your shit.”

True dat.

There’s one scene where one of Magic Mike’s buddies does an “erotic” dance inside a convenience store to try to make the clerk smile. You will die a little bit inside and probably won’t be able to eat Cheetos for quite awhile.

There are a lot of celebrities who make an appearance like Jada Pinkett Smith, Michael Strahan and Elizabeth Banks. I can only assume they will have trouble finding work after this. The actors almost look embarrassed to be in the movie. Matthew McConaughey (who played Dallas in the original) is the smart one who took a pass on XXL.

I actually expected a lot more stripping and dancing than this movie delivers. And when the guys do dance, it’s so incredibly not sexy. They just keep thrusting their pelvises in women’s faces and there is nothing swoon worthy about it.

The ending is sort of abrupt. Tatum and his bro’s are staring up at fireworks and I guess we are supposed to see the plot resolution in the lights reflecting off Tatum’s eyes.

He did meet a girl in the movie who really likes cake but no idea if they can make it work because he prefers cookies. I just think they could have given us one sweet scene where Tatum and his gal kiss and maybe plan how they are going to spend his newly acquired tsunami of cash.

The best acting you will find is the very charming Channing Tatum on the nightly talk show circuit pretending this is actually a movie worth watching.

We smuggled champagne into the theater but if you do decide to check out this flick, I would roll in an actual keg to make it bearable.

That said, Magic Mike XXL is so awful, I think I kind of liked it.


4 Responses to magic mike xxl: the only review you need to read

  • MN Mama says:

    I am so grateful for your blog. I have been stuck on a plane 50ft from the gate because it is lightening. Did I mention it is 12:33am and we have been on the ground an hour already? My children are awake and we are all having a great time. Oh wait….. We are exhausted and just want to go home. Thanks again for posting! How is Zaydie? Praying for him and you all!

  • Rachael says:

    If there was a fast forward button this movie would have been amazing. I loved the scene that made me think of Bring it on when “Torrance” is motivating her squad. I kept waiting for the moment in the film when all the actors look at the camera and say “Really?”

  • Shelley says:

    I am completely with you! They should have danced more and talked less. Trying to give them all a backstory was ridiculous! Channing Tatum dancing while woodworking cracked me up. A Flashdance flashback. I whispered to my girlfriends that always happens when I do the dishes!! Load the dishwasher and slide across the counter! LOL
    Waste of money right up there with 50 Shades of Grey


kelcey kintner


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