Rick and I have decided that in all likelihood we will become Olympic pair skaters. He wants us to skate together so that some other man wearing a flashy, sparkly jumpsuit doesn’t have his hand supporting my lady parts during the lifts.
I, on the other hand, think we should have different partners because can you imagine skating with your spouse? And then he falls? When you’re in medal contention? How do you work that out in couple’s therapy?
I guess you’d meet your girlfriends for a coffee and complain, “Not only does my husband consistently forget to empty the dishwasher but did you see how he fell during his double toe loop and killed our chances of even a bronze?! 10th place in Vancouver? Who needs that crap? I really could kill him sometimes.”
If for some unexplainable reason we don’t become Olympic pair skaters, then we are going to, at the very least, try to work more snowboarding lingo into our daily conversation.
For example, when we go out, I would normally say, “Are you going to order a martini?”
Now I’ll say, “Your usual double Mctwist 1260?”
Or when we’re driving, instead of saying, “Look. There’s a parking spot. But it’s small. Do you think you can parallel park it?”
Now I’ll just say, “Honey, that parking spot is tight. Do you think you can frontside double-cork 1080 it?”
I can only imagine how much cooler everyone is going to think we are with our new fancy Shaun White inspired vocab. By the way, I showed Dylan and Summer Shaun White’s snowboarding performance at the games and Dylan said, “SHE’S really talented.” Since he won gold, I doubt he cares.
Meanwhile, I’m currently on a radio strike because I turned on NPR for two minutes the other day and they announced who had won the gold in the women’s downhill skiing (before I had a chance to watch it that night).
I’m very nice to you. I give you money. I listen to your long arse stories about water rights issues in Washington state. I put up with your callers that are so long winded that it take three days to finally formulate their question or comment. The very least you can do for me in return is to give a spoiler alert before you announce Olympic results because I (like many fans) are watching the competitions at night. Just give me a couple seconds to lunge towards the radio and change it to my favorite soft rock.
Because I no longer trust you during the Olympics, I won’t be listening for the next few weeks. Tell Leonard Lopate that it’s nothing personal. Still a fan, Kelcey in New York.
mama bird notes:
Seems like weight loss is a big issue these days with everyone running from the thin mints. Contributing mama Erin Butler is determined to do something about it and she found a super cheap personal trainer. Click on contributing mamas to read more.