As many of you know, once upon a time I lived in Montana so that I could someday become a big, fancy TV star. It was my first job in local TV news and you should have seen my groundbreaking coverage of the opening of the new cineplex. Stadium seating, people. Like you could see OVER other people.

But despite the obvious glamor of my profession, I was very very lonely.

My first week in town, I actually went to see Titanic. By myself. I was 3,000 miles from home, I had no friends and I lost Leonardo DiCaprio at sea. Life totally sucked.

But my heart did go on and I did quickly make some friends. One of them was this super quirky, funny guy named Craig.

I could tell Craig had a big crush on me but he wasn’t my type and I was way too busy dating a really hot, totally emotionally unavailable construction worker named Mike.

Craig and I did fun things, like go caving. That’s when you lower yourself into the dark, cold depths of the Montana mountains and hope to God you can find your way out before you starve to death. Or as Wikipedia defines it, “Caving is the recreational sport of exploring caves” which makes it sound a lot more fun than it really is.

Anyway, at the end of my year in Montana, I sold Craig my washer and dryer and said goodbye. I’m sure we promised to stay in touch and then we promptly forgot to ever stay in touch.

Until 10 years later.

When he friends me on Facebook. How fun! He found me on Facebook. He must still have a thing for me. So I friend him back and ask for an update on his life.

He came out of the closet.

Many years ago.

So I’m pretty certain that means he’s gay.

What the f*ck?! Does this mean he was never secretly in love with me?! Can’t a girl count on anything anymore?

And that’s not all.

He resold MY washer and dryer.  For a profit. And you know I didn’t see any of that money.  Now I’ll never be able to finance my next caving expedition.

mama bird notes:

This week on The Mouthy Housewives, you can win a gorgeous diaper bag from Baby Star. It’s so super cool that you totally don’t need a baby to use this rockin’ tote. Click here to get details on how to enter.

And I had the wonderful opportunity to be a guest blogger on Cookie Magazine this month. Click here to check it out. Thank you Cookie!

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