It’s bathing suit season! That time of year when you get to think a lot about the state of your body, ingrown hairs and your bikini line.
You get to plop down on the beach next to your friends only to look down and realize you should have scheduled some sort of bikini maintenance before the weekend. And not – sadly – on Monday.
You get to answer questions from your kids like, “What is cellulite?” and “Why do your boobs hang so low?”
If you are ambitious enough to go bathing suit shopping, you endure florescent lighting, changing rooms with flimsy curtains barely protecting your privacy and mirrors that seem to enlarge rather than reduce.
And if you’re like me, you’ve probably marveled at the men’s speedo and thought to yourself, why can’t we women have a bathing suit option that is so sleek and simple?
Well, wonder no more my dear friends because the c-string bikini is apparently here.
This thing is insane.
It looks like some sort of colorful maxi pad and it seems to defy gravity.
That’s the whole bottom. And somehow it stays on. People are wearing this! In Europe mostly. But it’s just a matter of time before it hits our shoreline.
The upside of the c-string bikini? No tan lines! No panty lines! You can use it as a head band! Or an eye patch!
The downside? You have to wear this crazy thing and people will actually see you.
Because I am a serious journalist, I decided to try it out.
Okay, I didn’t. Come on. I have five kids. When am I sporting a c-string bikini?!
If you really want to check out how it looks (although no one can explain how it actually stays in place), click here.
But I don’t care if some day it does sweep our nation, they won’t take my one-piece away from me.