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You know why “Modern Family” is better than any other comedy on TV?

1. It’s actually funny.

2. I feel like I could be on it. Not as an actress. Although you should have seen me in the play “The Dining Room” in high school. Hey, maybe I should have auditioned for the part of the gregarious, burly gay guy Cameron. I would have killed that part.

But what I mean is – it’s easy to identify with the characters.Β  For example, on a recent episode, Claire (played by Julie Bowen) is talking about her children. She says something like (and this is not exact because I rarely watch sitcoms with a pencil and paper in front of me. Although strangely enough I always have an abacus and a protractor)…

“They were JUST babies. And now they’re driving. And soon we’ll be dead,” Claire says to her husband.

And I know it’s a TV show and a comedy for gosh sakes but I totally feel like that. Like it’s all going too fast. This life thing.

And now my Summer just turned four. She distracted me with all her whining and being a pain the ass and then suddenly, she’s four.Β  And dammit, the twins are going to do the same thing.

Because turning back time is not one of my strengths, I decided to just order a cake for Summer’s birthday.

A Dora cake.

And I told the bakery, please have it say, “Happy Birthday Summer. Summer like the season.”

“Please spell it,” the woman said.

“S like Sam, U, M like Mary, another M like Mary, E, R.”

So she reviews the order and I once again, repeat the spelling of Summer’s name to make sure they have it right.

And just before we get off the phone, I say, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a pain. But can you spell back Summer’s name for me? I just want to make sure it’s correct.” And I’m about to kick myself for being so anal and ridiculous when she says…

“I got it ma’am. F like Frankie, U-M-M-E-R.”

Right. Because the name Fummer is sweeping the nation.

We got the right cake.

And a birthday girl that didn’t whine all day.

Ok. Not until around 4 pm which is still pretty awesome.

And with this birthday, her toddler years sort of quietly disappeared. And left this little lady instead…

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kelcey kintner