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2-year-old Harlowe peed in the potty.

I’m very disappointed in that girl.

I’m not interested in potty training my 2-year-olds. I like them just the way they are, with their tushes all wrapped in absorbent chemical somethings — what the hell are those diapers made of anyway?

No matter. Why does everyone say with such gusto and a fist pump, “We are done with diapers!”

They should just say… “A one hour drive will now take us 6 hours with bathroom breaks!”

There’s a reason that crazy NASA astronaut drove 950 miles in diapers so she could confront a romantic rival. A course in “Peeing in Bathrooms is a Serious Time Waster” must be part of the rigorous NASA training.

And the transition out of diapers can be tortuous. I’m not one of those parents who enjoys a potty party where you sit inside all day, aggressively hydrating your child and putting them on the potty every 10 minutes. My idea of a party includes a babysitter, margaritas and if at all possible, a rooftop bar.

Of course, if Harlowe is all insistent on this potty thing, I’ll break out my portable potty.

Look at sweet 3 1/2 year-old Dylan on the streets of New York City…

That’s convenience right there my friend.

And, of course, I’ve been to known to use the portable potty myself in desperate situations.

But for now, I will continue to waste my money on mountains of unearth friendly diapers.

Quite happily.

P.S. I do a lot of recycling and I’m desperately hoping this is offsetting my carbon footprint.

P.P.S. I’m serious about that don’t yell at me thing.

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12 Responses to in defense of disposable diapers (please don’t yell at me)

  • Oh no. I am soo out of nappies thanks (diapers). And if I had to do it all again (and it would be a surprise to all of us) I’d do the organic, natural, cost effective cloth things. I spent about R415 a month on nappies for one child ($45 approx). For three years.
    Nah! I’m about as over that as you can get. More money for those margarita’s you were talking about earlier.

  • I know – the convenience of diapers is awesome. In fact last night I was watching the closing Olympic Ceremony and I kept asking “how do the athletes pee during the ceremony?” “don’t they have to pee the whole time they are standing out there?” “my bladder hurts thinking about this!” And then I had a brilliant idea that next time Depends should sponsor the event. Seriously, they should because this what we think about.

  • Lanie says:

    No rush with the potty training (as my mother in law used to say they won’t be wearing diapers in college – but that might diapers may have been more sanitary than peeing behind the bank). xo

  • Amy K says:

    Kids will potty train when they’re ready and then it’s not such a headache. I never forced it with my boys.

    (and I used disposable diapers too)

  • mexmom says:

    Being potty trained is not even remotely as convenient as disposable diapers, since I am sure you know your kids will have to go every 5 minutes and you will have enter every public (and not so public) restroom in your area.

  • Leigh Ann says:

    Oh I waited as long as humanly possible with the twins but that was easy to stay home day after day since I still hate taking all 3 of them anywhere. But with the youngest I’ll likely be dealing with running them all over town so I will be that mom who always has a potty in her car.

  • Cat says:

    They have a foldable potty seat that’s easy to carry, which is great when they have to pee at every store, restaurant and other peoples house.

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