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i’m installing a bathroom in my car
We are on vacation in Cape Cod and this morning I woke up to the sound of baby dinosaurs hatching from their eggs. Right outside my window. Now obviously, I could be wrong. But I’m fairly certain about what I heard. I mean, I saw “Jurassic Park” after all.
So despite baby Tyrannosauruses clearly running about, we head off to the beach. My bravery astounds me.
As soon as we get there, I have to go to the bathroom at which point my father informs me that there is no bathroom. Which means either I can hold it for 4 hours or think of a plan B.
So after everyone heads down to the beach, I lock myself in the car and proceed to pee in our kids’ portable potty.
Oh yes I do.
We have tinted windows so the idea just seems genius.
Until I realize some of my pee is inadvertently going on the floor mat.
Of our NEW Toyota Highlander Hybrid.
F-ck.
Well, at least I have baby wipes to clean this up.
Except, oh that’s right. I left them in New York.
Think Kelcey think.
A few napkins stuffed in the center console save me and I join my family on the beach. Of course, I act all nonchalant like it’s no big thing to pee in your car.
And then a few hours later, I have to pee again.
But this time, I smarten up and take a lengthy walk through the dunes of the Cape until I find a nice private spot, free of people, floor mats and baby Tyrannosauruses. Mission accomplished.
Then in the late afternoon, we gather our stuff to leave and my nearly 5 year-old daughter Dylan announces that she has to pee.
At which point, my husband says, “Oh look, there’s a bathroom right over there.” Yes, while I was squatting in Toyotas and beach dunes, there was a perfectly good, adult size portable potty sitting right there, available to the entire public. A bathroom my father had somehow never noticed before in his 35 years of living on Cape Cod.
Thanks dad. xo
Addition: Because so many of you are asking… I didn’t go in the water because we were on the bay side at very low tide so I would have had to walk way way out. Plus, the water was FREEZING and I hate being cold more than I hate having to go to the bathroom.
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OMG, I laughed so hard reading this post that I’m pretty sure I peed myself! Your blog cracks me up
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Men SUCK at observation. My dad would never notice a bathroom either.
Glad you had the Kid potty to use. Although I’ve used a soda cup before…and had better luck than you with the BIG potty. HA!
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Sometimes though, your father tells you too much. I learned today that my parents are still “ahem” you know….THANKS DAD. PS-what about just peeing in the ocean? It’s salt water, right? Oh, and I showed my student the Britney blog. He loved it!
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At least it was a kid’s potty and not a Big Gulp cup. And you weren’t drunk. And it wasn’t Mardi Gras. Yeah, OK. Never mind.
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i think now would be a good time to purchase some even NEWER floor mats
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You are lucky you didn’t get a ticket for public urination. Why not go in the ocean thats what everyone else did!
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Holy crap that is funny. Well funny in a way ‘i can’t believe she did that AND told the internet’ kinda of a way. Do you know my life motto?
“Pee every chance you get”….
It has served me well. And I have never had to pee in a car yet, so it must be working.
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That’s just great! I’m sure I would have a mental block against peeing in a potty in a car. Did you have to think of waterfalls?
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that’s so funny!!!
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Very clever of those Baby Bjorn people to put a teddy bear and the word “Baby” on that portable potty, like it’s not really for grown ups. Puhlease…who do they think they’re fooling?
You’re hilarious!
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hillarious. F—ing hilarious!
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I still think au naturel is better than an adult size porta-potty.
i’ve jerry-rigged bathrooms from the car from squatting in btwn the front and back doors, hoping that my legs weren’t a give-away, to the best one last winter…crouching down in the back seat of my small-ish station wagon, using my venti starbuck’s cup, yes you heard that right, in broad daylight in short hills, nj. while i waited for a tow. good times.
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I agree with Kristen on her first sentence.
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Okay, I have to ask…. what was wrong with the ocean????
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I confess.
I always wanted to try one of those potty-thingeys.
Lucky, lucky, you!
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Next time I’m at my parents’ house on the Cape, I will *fondly* think of your travails … and probably giggle a little to myself.
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Yes, what ABOUT the ocean? But I get it…my husband used to be and OTR truck driver and I’ve gone with him a few times…the things I had to pee in…you’d never believe! Great post! Had to stop drinking the coffee before I made a mess tho!
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I can never ever pee in the ocean. Especially here in Maine. Where the water temp is just above a well chilled beer! Because somehow, that suddenly warm water will float over to someone and they will KNOW what I just did!
Very ingenious Kelcey. I think we’re going to have to get one of those Baby Bjorn porta pottys.
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Part of your genius is I never know where your posts are going to lead. Cape Cod to T-Rexs to peeing in a Toyota. Love it.
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My mom used to tell me to travel with diapers–in my size, since I went pretty much wherever I pleased for a while.
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oh thank you, i needed a laugh
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Just think, if you tracked any jellyfish into your car, your pee would immediately neutralize their stinging effects. A win-win!
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Too funny! I had portable purple potty in my car for years. One kid used it once; the rest of the time it was for me. Traveling alone w/ a baby and a toddler, it was so much easier than dragging them into a filthy gas station at night. They would die of embarrasment if i did this today. oh well. my aim was always spot on.
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So, your tiny bladder aside, what was up with the dinosaur eggs hatching??
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we are at the Cape this week as well.. where are you guys staying? its gorgeous weather this week. lucky!
-Laura (Lucy’s friend and your Obama mama -phone bank friend)
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Apparently, you did not take my advice from an earlier post and purchase the custom, all- weather Highlander floor mats. You would not have had to worry. You can just hose those suckers off. They have saved me several times. Although, I have only had to hose off things like tipped over milk, mud and preschooler crumbs. But I can see that they would be very handy for adult “accidents”
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By the way, the potty is designed for the power and volume for a toddler. Since an adult is much larger and more “powerful”, try putting napkins or paper towels in the potty to lessen the “power”
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no one knows how to bring the fun on vacation like you :-}
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When traveling and being more than 5 minutes from a toilet; I wear a skirt with no underwear. Just open the car door; squat behind it (remove your shoes; otherwise you’ll pee in them)..and just let it flow into the street/dirt/grass…no one will ever notice (you hope). Best pee story I heard is friend who got stuck in traffic and had to pee. She looked over at the pile of clothing she was taking to the Cleaners; put them under her ass and just peed on them. The Cleaner got the pile later and cleaned them all. If you want some photos of me peeing all over the world in the street; I have them…obliging friends would snap away on our trips.
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This is exactly why I love your blog. I need to see the baby dinos!
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OK…just because you admitted to peeing in your car…I’ll tell you…
Once I used a diaper as a pad. I was in the car, I had no pads what else was I gonna do? I was all MacGyver with a diaper:P
A Mom’s gotta do what a Mom’s gotta do…but don’t tell anyone I told you;)
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That is HILARIOUS!! I would have probably tried some bushes or tall grass or trees.
I have always had a small bladder, but after the baby, it’s even WORSE!
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you need to visit charmins sit or squat site. I swear I pee every 5 minutes and it is always good to be in the know!
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This made me choke on my Diet Coke. You need a Go Girl!!!
Hilarious.
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I tried to use the girls little potty two weekends ago when we were driving home from VT, but Caitlin refused to let me. She said I was too big and worried I would break it. So I had to pee behind a tree with two little sets of eyes watching. Hey, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.
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i thought my cousin was the only one to have a potty in her car. she has 2 girls also. great minds think alike! great blog!!!
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That was hilarious….<3
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Reason 3,452 that I love you!
While stuck in super bad traffic on a Minneapolis freeway, I made my then 7 year old pee in a Coke bottle. Yeah, it didn’t go quite so smooth. It was sort of like a pee shower… three car washes later I could get in my car again.
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I love your post and honesty! On Election Day 2008, I took my kids to vote with me, stopped at Starbucks, and then got stuck in traffic on the Merritt Pkwy in CT. I had to pee so badly that I pulled off in Greenwich (where of course there were no bathrooms) and found a quiet street filled with big homes and pulled out the kid’s potty. I peed in it and then swore my 5 year old to secrecy. She has never spoken of it again. I love that I can share this knowing that I am not alone. (Oh and all weather mats are perfect for such a situation.) Thanks!
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I’ve been thinking of peeing outside these days when my baby sleeps. Our SQUEAKY stairs wake her, and there’s only one bathroom…upstairs :-/
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OMG! That was hysterical! Living on the beach myself, I know EXACTLY what you went through. I always run for the dunes. LOL.
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too bad your husband couldn’t have pointed that out sooner! LOL! you do what you got to do.
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Sounds like somebody should have been a little less picky about their blogher swag. That Go Girl would have come in very handy!
xo, SG
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We have one of those pottys and I can not imagine having to go on it, especially in a car. Kudos to you.
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The bank behind Rendon was probably worse than peeing in the car. Or, maybe was it better because there was alcohol involved!?
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I like this article!
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