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The going:

I did it. I wrote up a parenting guide manifesto for Rick and my parents.  Then I packed my bags, kissed my kid posse goodbye and got on a plane. I was nervous as hell to leave everyone. But I promised myself that this year I would have more faith and be more brave.  So here I come N’awlins!!

Or rather the tarmac.

Because that’s where I, along with Marinka, A-List Mom Elina and a whole bunch of other passengers, sat for an awfully long time as a maintenance crew tried to fix a clogged toilet on our plane.

Which is a lot better than a broken wing.

While Joe the Plumber worked on the latrine issue, the guy sitting next to me would cover his ears every time the flight attendants said anything over the loud speaker.

“I don’t actually know where I’m going,” he explained. “My girlfriend is taking me on a surprise trip. I keep plugging my ears so I don’t find out where we are headed.

After two and a half hours of watching this guy madly stick his fingers in his ears (which is as sexy as it sounds) they told us to get off the plane.

Welcome to New York City!

Then we got on another plane that actually took off.

By the time we arrived in New Orleans, I was jet lagged and pretty sure I should be in London.

And boy, did I need some private time with my breast pump.

As soon as I got to the hotel, I whipped it out and then I realized, I was missing a part.

Which is when I started to have a mini nervous breakdown. Because I was going to need to find that part.  Or a very hungry baby. As soon as possible.

I finally ended up hightailing it to Babies R Us in a cab ($65!) with the very kind Shallowgal and buying the part ($50!) that I needed.

Once I got rid of that burdensome $115 dollars, and pumped, I finally felt like I had arrived.  Hello New Orleans.

The middle:

I really liked the Mom 2.0 Summit. I loved the location (because crawfish and jambalaya always help me network and blog better). I liked that it was a smaller, more intimate conference.  And I really enjoyed the chance to meet and connect with so many amazing, inspiring women (like Stacy, Karen, Rita, Aliza, Stephanie, Anna, OHmommy, Kathy, Liz, Kristen, Laid-Off Dad (who’s not a woman) my fabulous fellow Mouthy Housewives and SO MANY others).

And with the exception of when Wendi tried to keep me and Jonah Hill from starting a beautiful friendship, and the fact that I was mocked for never having read A Confederacy of Dunces, it was just an incredible couple days.

The coming home:

By Saturday night, I was really ready to come home and left on a 6 pm flight out of New Orleans. First I was alarmed that there was a flight attendant on the plane that was 107 years-old. Okay, at least 78.  Passengers were quickly buzzing about the ancient stewardess. I mean, how would she help people shove their suitcases in the overhead compartments? Or lead us to safety in an emergency landing? Or have the strength to pour my white wine?

And then I became even more alarmed when she said, “We’re lucky they’re even letting us fly into Laguardia because Newark and Kennedy airports are closed due to the severe weather.”

I’m sorry – WHAT?! I had to quickly follow up with Miss Born In The 19th Century.

“Why is Laguardia airport open if the other New York City area airports are closed? That sounds kind of dangerous.”

And she reflected on her years of experience flying since the Truman Administration and then said to me, “I don’t know.”


So I knew it was coming. And it did.

For the last hour and a half of the flight, we experienced heavy turbulence. It was crazy scary. I learned later that Alina was petrified too, poor Amy threw up twice and the young cute New Balance rep from the conference wasn’t so happy either.

I was so nervous during the flight that I made a guy in my row talk to me for the last 45 minutes just to try to take my mind off the bumpy, bouncy hell ride. I now know he’s an architect, his wife is a painter, they have one daughter, they live in Riverdale, he went to Harvard and he once was an extra in “Love Story.”  I don’t even know his name but he helped me calm my sh*t down. At least a little bit.

We finally landed to rousing applause and I started breathing again.

I was proud of myself. I may have lost a bit of my faith (okay, all of it) in the skies over New York. But I still did it. I did something for me.

And now it was time to go home and kiss my babies.

38 Responses to i went to the mom 2.0 summit and lived to tell about it. oh thank you god.

  • I heard that LaG flight was horrible. We managed to fly into Newark about two hours after you and barely felt a ripple. My seatmate was a chatty dentist who wanted to talk about neuromarketing and what exactly did I mean by “mom blogger?” the whole entire time. Glad you’re home safe!

  • Jordana says:

    Who needs Confederancy of Dunces (which, btw, has been sitting next to my bed for over a year and you know if it was worth reading I would have read it by now – who knows if it is, the first chapter is so painful I couldn’t push myself to read further) when you have SWEET VALLEY HIGH!! Glad you are home safe xoxoxo!

  • erinb says:

    Welcome Home!!! So proud of you :-}
    PS I recently went to my parents and forgot a piece of my BP…my poor dad had to go to BRU and ask to buy a “breast shield” …and if it came with the valve and membrane! Now is unconditional love!!!

  • Ann's Rants says:

    Okay but at least your engine didn’t catch fire and plummet hundreds of feet like Red Neck Mommy’s.

    Wait. Your version sounds hellish enough.

    And even STILL I’m jealous.

    So glad you went. Sounded like a fantastic conference!

  • The thought of you filling up with milk on the tarmac is too painful to contemplate. So I skipped to the part about the guy being the extra in Love Story. That movie is almost as old as the stewardess, didn’t he have grandkids to tell you about too?

  • Kerri says:

    Too bad the plane experiences weren’t that great. But it sounds like you really enjoyed the conference and the company of those attending! The nice thing about going away is then coming home to appreciate what you realized you would miss if you didn’t have the kids!

  • Daphne says:

    How was Ladies night? Did you swing by the pi phi house? How’s rendon? I miss NOLA and want to go back when I’m not pumping next time.

  • Loukia says:

    Next year, I’m skipping out on BlogHer, and going to Mom 2.0, and not just because it’s a shorter plane ride, and not just because it’s in Miami, but because of how amazing this conference sounded. Also, now I’m a million times one hundred times more panicked about flying to San Diego and leaving my babies for three nights.

    • Kelcey says:

      No, No, No. Don’t be worried. It was so good to get away! And what are the chances of you having a 107 year-old flight attendant, and flying through a horrendous storm?! Not going to happen. You will have a blast. And I’ll see you in Miami!

  • You did it!! The missing pump part, clogged toilet, pricey cab ride and geriatric stewardess are all part of an personal (and definitely exciting) adventure you’ll remember — in a good way!

    Way to go!

  • Fordeville says:

    Huge kudos for getting through every bit of that. Those are pretty much all of my worst nightmares (befriending Jonah Hill included) in one bundle of Hell.

    And it brings me back to the time that an endless airline delay forced me to pump in the bathroom of a turbulent flight. Not pretty on about 16 levels.

  • Julie Marsh says:

    How did I miss you at dinner? Besides being at the opposite end of the table, that is.

    Glad you landed safely. I was once met at LaGuardia by a huge contingent of emergency vehicles, so I sympathize greatly.

  • amourningmom says:

    I am so glad that you went to NOLA and that you got back safely. I am sure everyone was so happy to see you when you got back. Next trip you take to New Orleans I hope to meet you there (we can go sing at the Pi Phi house together :-)). Miss you. xoxo

  • Tonya says:

    I’m so sad that I missed Mom 2.0!!!
    That flight sounds horrible!!! I’m a terrible flyer and pretty sure I would have thrown up, crapped my pants, and tried to take control of the aircraft and subsequently been tazered and heavily sedated. At least that’s what happens pretty much anytime I fly!

  • mackbeth says:

    Welcome Home traveller! I was waiting for the “I got 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep”…I’ll keep reading.
    I HATED A Confederacy of Dunces, I was so grossed out the whole book. I was alone in my book club, everyone else just loved him & embraced it all. Yuck!
    Enjoy the comfort of having those spare parts for your breast pump, don’t even think about the fab new jeans you could have purchased for $115.

  • I hated Confed of Dunces too & never finished it, and I’m an English professor, so I hereby absolve you of all book guilt – and say that from here on in, life is too short to finish a book you don’t like, especially when there are trashy magazines to be read, dammit. Bravo on leaving home & babies for the first time. You (and they) will be the better for it, so it should be an annual event–you’ll find the “how to cope with mommy being gone” list gets shorter and shorter until it’s basically a sticky note on the fridge saying “back on Sunday.” Wish I’d been at mom2.0; it sounds amazing. Miami, hmm?

  • It’s only on those ‘we looked death straight in the eyeball’ flights that people clap. And the flights filled with Latinos. They, inexplicably, always clap upon landing.

    Amy threw up twice…hahaha. I shouldn’t laugh, but I picture her covered with a mound of diapers, like on her book cover, and now barf bags.

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kelcey kintner