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Now and then it’s time to spice up a marriage. And you know that can only mean one thing: roller skating old school style on Staten Island. Let’s hit it.

Wait.. let me BRIEFLY backtrack (no one enjoys a long back story).

In general, my husband and I are pretty good about going out on dates.

It kind of goes like this.

Book sitter.

Go to dinner.

Pay sitter.

As much as I truly love trying new restaurants in New York City (please don’t make me use that atrocious word “foodie”), I sometimes long for an evening with a little less, “Our special appetizer tonight is slow roasted rabbit and sweetbread salad,” and a little more boogie nights.

So I invite my husband to go to….


in Staten Island. There are no longer any indoor roller rinks in Manhattan (a cryin’ shame if you ask me), so we head to one of the outer boroughs. Very outer. After a 45 minute drive and enough traffic to dampen our adventurous spirit just a bit, we arrive.

But our mood is immediately boosted when we see a middle aged woman in the parking lot, sliding out of the passenger side of a Pontiac Firebird, with a half-drunk bottle of vodka in her hand. Well, that’s a good sign. Clearly, a funlovin’ crowd.

Inside, where they don’t serve alcohol, we put on our rollerblades and Rick reaches for his wrist guards.

Me: Honey, PLEASE don’t wear your wrist guards. It ain’t cool. Not in a skating rink.

Rick: Wrist injuries are the number one injury for rollerbladers.

Me: Right. I know. Don’t wear them.

Rick: I really think I should.

Me: If you break your wrist, at least you’ll have the comfort of knowing you looked cool before you went down.

Rick hesitantly agrees to skate without them. He is so macho when he lives dangerously. The music is jamming and we start to skate the night away. Here I am out on the floor…


presumably stunned at some of the skating attire (not a lot of Michelle Kwan style going on). Like this one for example…


I only wish you could see this from the front. Let’s just say, this is one lady who is very comfortable with sharing her cleavage AND her belly. You gotta sort of respect her chutzpah. Or something.

There are seriously some awesome skaters, including a Cuba Gooding Jr. look-alike who moves like Fred Astaire on wheels. But Rick and I hold our own. I think we really could have wow’d them with our triple Lutz triple toeloop combination but you know, Rick wasn’t wearing his wrist guards and all.

I am so enamored with the skaters who can zig zag effortlessly, dancing and doing tricks, that I now want to be a super fab roller girl too. How do I become that?

The roller jammers keep it rockin’ deep into the wee hours of the morning. But around 11 pm…

My bunion hurts.

Rick’s shins hurt.

Our babysitter needs to go home.

So we head back to the island of Manhattan. As we drive home, Rick says, “I’ve never crossed the Verrazano Bridge on a date.”

See that’s what I’m talking about, people. We are keeping this marriage spicy.

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36 Responses to i want to be a roller girl

  • You’re alive! I was reading about the crane incident and remembering your talking about construction and firemen….and, well, I was worried. Whew.

    The last time I was at a roller rink, roller blades had not been invented, all right?

  • Jennifer H says:

    When you do try the triple Lutz triple toeloop combination (presumably when the wrist guards and maybe a helmet are firmly in place), please, for the love of gawd get it on videotape.

    We like visual aids. And the rewind button.

  • Robin says:

    When I saw the news about the crane falling, all I could think about was whether this would inspire your neighborhood firefighters to reappear to protect you and your family! πŸ™‚
    I’ve totally been wanting to take the family skating lately. I did not even think of going without the kids. Awesome.

  • Jordana says:

    I’ve heard all about taking risks in marriage – but skating sans wrist guards?! That’s just mental. You go you crazy skating Folbaums!

  • wa says:

    Excellent post. Makes me think of Tony Manero & white suits.

    And if you REALLY want to spice things up, you’re gonna need that lady’s outfit.

  • Jacki says:

    You will never catch me skating….I’m a total klutz.

    But this got me thinking….some of mine and Peter’s best dates were those that were spontaneous and out of the ordinary. Fancy is nice sometimes, but I enjoy being wild and crazy so much more.

  • Kristen says:

    You rock and so does Rick for going with you! I love it. What an adventure. The Verazzano is my favorite bridge. Did you know that it is so long it actually has to curve with the earth? Random I know but true!

  • Erin says:

    That sounds like a great date night. I just might have to give it a whirl. Too bad you couldn’t do your triple lutz combo. Maybe on the next roller skating date night.

  • mp says:

    Was she vodka woman? I think I would need a helmet, elbow pads, wrist braces, knee pads and padding on my butt. I would be SO cool!

  • michele says:

    Hey, I want to know how old that middle aged lady was. I want you to know I ice skated at my grandson Joey’s birthday party, and I wowed them. Eat your heart out.

  • Lanie says:

    I am glad Rick was able to skate without the wrist guards.

    Do they make those kid sneakers with wheels in adult sizes?

  • Jennifer says:

    “Wrist injuries are the number one injury for rollerbladers.”

    Hee. That got me giggling. Though the site of the Roller Queen stopped my laughing immediately. πŸ˜‰

  • alex says:

    I am SO IN LOVE with Miss Roller Disco (shot from behind). That picture is awesome. I don’t know what I love the most….her afro, the tulip on her butt or her cut-out top. The whole package is simply too good for words. Not an ounce of self-consciousness in that girl. I’m jealous.

  • Madmad says:

    Oh, thank God. I was kind of afraid to click on you to see if you were OK – the crane thing. I kept thinking about the construction outside your house… and what if it was HER building. You know. Stupid. But still. I’m stupid. But very relieved.

  • Erin says:

    I think I remember what a date with my hubby is…Is that when you leave the house without baby puke on you, you actually get to style your hair and put makeup on beyond chapstick? am i right? anywho -glad you two crazy kids are keeping the love alive :-}

  • Betsy says:

    Hey I just bought my first pair of inline skates last week. Samantha got her first pair (brightly colored plastic) too. Of course at my advanced age I also invested in the helmet, wrist, knee and elbow gaurds for both of us.

  • Milena says:

    The moment I read the words ‘roller skating’ at the beginning of your post, my head began to play this mental 8 track… boogie wanna dance!!! and that is what I listened to while I read the remainder of your extremely funny post. I loved your photo of the chutzpah-blessed, roller-blading, give the Piilsbury-dough-boy a run for his money, mama. Truly a vision.

  • amanda says:

    just found your site but i had to share…lived in nyc just two years ago and went skating a few times over at the roxy. did they close it?? seriously some hard core skaters there!! although i love that u went to staten island (lived there too) and i truly know exactly what the front of that one lady looked like!!

kelcey kintner