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Oct
27
2015

My tween daughter is constantly bursting with emotions.  Like when I told her the Taylor Swift t-shirts I ordered weren’t going to arrive in time for the concert.

Screen Shot 2015-10-26 at 10.59.45 PM

I thought I ordered 2 day shipping but apparently I ordered 17 day shipping (which is a slightly less popular shipping alternative). However, I still wasn’t worried because I tend to think of Amazon workers as magicians.

So I called up Amazon and explained the dire problem. I really expected they would get on their rainbow unicorns and fly the t-shirts to me immediately but all they said was, “We could cancel your order. ”

Wait, what? No rainbow unicorn? What about coming to my house before the concert and hand painting my daughters some Taylor Swift t-shirts? No?

I thought about contacting the Taylor Swift squad but figured they were too busy standing around her looking glam.

I finally was out of options.

I turned to my two oldest daughters and said, “Girls. The Taylor Swift shirts aren’t coming. But I’ll buy you t-shirts at the concert if they aren’t too crazy expensive.”

One of my daughters started sobbing. Just complete and total devastation.

I wanted to feel more sympathetic. I really did. Because I know in her world – this is important. But I was a little jaded by the fact that she had cried all the way to school that very morning because we wouldn’t let her wear pajama shorts to school on dress down day.

Pajamas shorts. To school.

Okay, she insisted they weren’t pajamas shorts but I promise anyone would sleep very comfortably in them. And they look like pajamas shorts. And I’m reasonably confident she keeps them with her pajamas. So case closed.

In theory, I want to let my children express their feelings. But then sometimes I really want them to bottle up their emotions, smile and say, “Gosh mom, you’re right. We’re so lucky to even be going to the Taylor Swift concert. A t-shirt would just be an embarrassment of riches! And by the way, you look fantastic today. It’s like you get younger and younger.”

From everything I’ve read and heard, you don’t want to get into a tug of war with a tween. The key (apparently) is to remain calm, let them passionately express their feelings and then it subsides.

I just wish it wasn’t so loud before the subsiding part. With so much foot stomping. And door slamming. And huffing. It’s sort of exhausting.

My sobbing daughter finally calmed down and is once again excited for the concert.   I hope they love it.  Hopefully it will be a Taylor Swift lovin’ tween girls’ dream. As magical as a rainbow unicorn. Even if they have to enjoy it in an ordinary t-shirt from Target.


9 Responses to i want my kids to express their emotions! just not so loudly.

  • Paul says:

    Having been on the receiving end of the angst of a tween and teen female – an alternate resolution to waiting for the emotions to subside is to have a young male about the same age walk up and say hello.

  • beachmom says:

    Uggh….I was just thinking to myself this morning after I dropped my very disgruntled 9 year old off to school that I may just spend her tween / teenage years crying on each car ride to and from school…I don’t know how I will survive – “this too will pass” will not cut it!

  • Danielle says:

    When my friend brought her daughter to the concert they sat down and watched a bunch of her video’s. They wanted to create one of her looks rather than wear a t-shirt with her name on it. After watching the Shake It Off video they opted to wear a black shirt & black pants (red lip stick is a must) and it was a lot cheaper than any of her shirts.

  • MN Mama says:

    Oh…. It is so helpful and comforting to know that I am not alone. Today, my tween was adamant that her backpack was not big enough. I left the room when she told me to help her. I said as calmly as I could that I would help if you asked politely. Oh goodness…. this gig is hard sometimes.

  • Judy P says:

    I can’t speak about tweens, but Amazon I know. If you order the wrong item it will be on your doorstep the next day. If you don’t really care when something shows up as long as it is in the next month, it will arrive on Sunday and make you feel guilty for making postal workers work on Sunday.* If you totally truly need something now it magically turns into 17-day shipping.

    *My friend, the postal worker, says they love getting the Sunday delivery shifts because of more money, but I still feel guilty.

  • Pat says:

    If they warned you in Lamaze class with scary movies about parenting tweens, you might think they were lying, it couldn’t possibly be that awful. Plus obviously your darling child would NEVER morph into one of those mood-swinging, tantrum throwing, hormone-addled monsters. You would be wrong on both counts.

    If we all started out our parenting adventure by bringing a tween home from the hospital instead of a cuddly baby, the earth’s over-population problem would soon turn into negative population growth culminating in the human race dying out. So it is a good thing we are given 9 or 11 years to fall madly in love with our daughters so we can hold on to those treasured memories of early childhood while we slough through the most difficult of times for both parents and children.

    Two things to remember:
    1. Like every other stage they go through, this particular hell is only temporary. You will make it through the other side — a little worse for the wear and with more grey hair, but if you are patient and understanding and play your cards right:
    2. Sometime in her 20’s, she will eventually apologize for being such a jerk during this period of her life and tell you she is sorry for all the grief she caused you. You will bask in the glory of that moment well into your old age knowing you were right all along.

    It is probably time for you to call your mom and apologize again for being such a jerk as a teen/pre-teen. She will never get tired of hearing that.


kelcey kintner


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