On Thursday morning, I woke up nervous.
1. I had to go to court for talking on my cell phone while driving (something I rarely do but my Bluetooth wasn’t working that day). I had plead not-guilty and was hoping to get the ticket dismissed. The only little hiccup in that plan was that I was totally guilty. I hadn’t yet worked out a strategy for that minor obstacle.
2. In order to make it to court on time, I had to drop Dylan and Summer at a friend’s house and then the family’s nanny would walk them to school. Since my daughter Dylan is very shy and does not like a change in her routine, I knew there was a very good chance she would veto this scenario and have a complete meltdown.
3. I had just read in the newspaper that women who marry much younger men actually reduce their life span. So now I was suddenly worried about the health and future of Mrs. Ashton Kutcher.
But I knew I needed to put these concerns aside and focus on my children.
I didn’t mention anything to the girls about dropping them off at a friend’s house until we were basically pulling into their driveway. And then I laid it on them in my super casual, Bob Marley inspired voice.
“You know what girls? I have an appointment this morning and it’s a little too early to drop you off at school so I’m going to bring you to Sarah and Jake’s house and you’ll walk to school with their nanny. And then, of course, I’ll pick you up! In fact, here we are. Have a great day!”
Then I held my breath.
“Ok,” they both said.
Wow. That was EASY.
Now time to fight the oppressive powers of government. I was really counting on my enormous pregnant belly to work its magic and get my ticket dismissed. Because I certainly wasn’t going to seduce the judge with my sex appeal.
Apparently my belly took the morning off because an hour later, I was coughing up 150 bucks. Maybe I should have flipped my hair more. Or worn a half shirt. Or explained that I have one baby’s head practically jammed under my ribs and another baby is stomping on my vagina. And that I can’t sleep at night and everyone keeps saying, “Get your rest now!”
I had the option of going to trial which sounded very exciting, like an episode of “The Good Wife,” but I realized that I’d rather just go home and watch “The Good Wife.”
When I got this ticket a few weeks ago, I ended up going online and reading all about Oprah’s No Phone Zone Pledge and the dangers of distracted driving. The videos are heart breaking. Since then I’ve really limited the calls on my Bluetooth and I no longer text while stopped at lights. I’ve never texted while actually driving. I don’t even understand how people pull that off. How can you type while driving?! Can these people cook up turkey meatballs while driving too?
I’m more aware and present when I’m in the car now. In fact, I’m very aware of all the people who sit at green lights because they are busy texting and don’t even know the light has turned. So I honk at them. It’s a nice honk, not a “stop texting jackass” honk. Unless I’m very tired.
And now I have plenty of time to think while I drive. Like basking in the joy that “Friday Night Lights” is back on and most of the high school kids have graduated now but somehow the writers managed to keep Tim Riggins and his abs on the show. Damn, I really heart those writers.
mama bird notes:
Contributing Mama Karen Palmer Bland treated herself to a yoga class on her birthday. But I would be way too intimidated to attempt this class. Click on contributing mamas to read more.