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God knows, I’ve spent a great deal of time pondering the important questions of my life like…

How do I convince all those bird lovers that The Mama Bird Diaries has nothing to do with birds, and they can all stop following me on twitter?

And how do we end the stereotype that every mother is an insane chocolate addict who secretly raids her children’s Halloween bags and Easter baskets? As if we can’t control ourselves. It’s insulting.

Can’t we focus on more important things like the need for another woman on the US Supreme Court or equal wage for equal work? Ponder that a moment while I attempt to lick the last remnants out of this can of Betty Crocker Rich and Creamy Chocolate Frosting.

And finally, why would my daughter Dylan rather have me read “Fancy Nancy” for the 10 billionth time, when instead, I could read her fresh, hot off the press material from The New York Times’ Styles’ section?

But as I mull over these enormous, life altering questions, I now realize that I’m just being selfish.

Because you probably have questions too. That need answers.

Soย  Jessica, Marinka, Wendi, Heather and I are here to save you (not in a religious way but more in an intellectual, sexy superhero kind of way).

tmh-425-logoWe’ve just created a new advice blog called The Mouthy Housewives. I really was vying to put “birds” somewhere in the title but you know how stubborn Wendi can be. Or call it, “Dear Abby” but Marinka kept ranting endlessly about boring trademark issues, as if anyone has heard of this so-called Abby.

And yes, answering your questions might mean we all have to cut back just a bit on our TV watching commitments, but we think you’re totally worth it.

As long as the blog makes us insanely rich.

PS. Thank you to Eat Play Love, Sticking to the Point, Thursday Drive, Mayberry Mom and The Mommy Esquire Diaries for helping with our launch.

mama bird notes:

Contributing Mama Renee Martinez, of Mothers Raising Boys, is herself the mother of four boys. Yes, four. Click on contributing mamas to find out what happens when two of them decide to imitate animals in the wild.

esp7_fr_250x200And finally, how awesome would it be to win a free printer so you could actually start printing out all those zillions of photos you have on your computer?!

This week I’m giving away the Kodak ESP-7 All-in-One Printer. And the coolest part? The ink is actually affordable. Kodak will help you figure out if you’re currently overpaying for printer ink by clicking here.

And those nice people at Kodak absolutely promise me they are working on ways for customers to easily recycle ink cartridges.

To enter to win the Kodak ESP-7 All-in-One printer, just leave a comment this week and tell me about the craziest, funniest or most embarassing photo ever taken of you. Or you know, just write, “enter me in the contest,” because I’m a pushover like that.

Dates to Diapers and SelfishMom are also running the same contest if you want to enter at their sites too!

88 Responses to i am a mouthy housewife

  • Stephanie (Tyler's Mom) says:

    I am going to have to get back to you on the most embarassing or funniest photo ever taken of me. Do crotch shots during child birth count as embarassing??!?! LOL I guess only if your mother in law sees them, right?!?!?

    Please enter me in the contest!

  • heather says:

    ah…most embarrassing photos of me? it would seem to be most of them. i have THE worst habit of blinking every time. my husband gets a real kick out of this. both eyes closed, one eye closed, one or both halfway closed with only the whites of my eyes showing. always so purdy i am. oy.

    the worst would have to be one where i’m in my pj’s scarfing down a frosted cookie with the eyes…you guessed it funktified!

    i would love to win your contest! and hey-if i win maybe i’ll show you one of my funky eye photos!

  • Jennifer H says:

    Well, not that I let the proof survive longer than the 30 seconds it took me to scream and grab the camera, but…I’d have to say it was when I was bent over, drying my hair sans any scrap of clothing, and my 5 year old walked into the bathroom and snapped my picture.

    But if you care for me at all, you’ll forget I just admitted that and enter me in the contest, please. ๐Ÿ™‚

    (And thanks for letting me be part of the secret, and the reveal!)

  • There’s one particular picture from my senior portrait session that I HATE of myself, and yet my mother insists on displaying it. There’s something about the look on my face that’s just awful. Each time I visit my parents, I find the picture and hide it. It’s become a tradition. I hide the picture, months later she notices that it’s missing from its spot, she searches for it and puts it out again when she finds it. Lather, rinse, repeat.

  • kristen says:

    my 7th grade photo is pretty bad. pimples, dorothy hamill haircut and braces.

    i’ll bribe you with a view of it in exchange for a coffee date…heehee.

    please do enter me to win, even though i never do!

  • Bitsy says:

    Ooh, gosh, I guess it’s a tie between the five-year-old me standing bare-butt in front of the Christmas tree with my winter boots on and the dorky 7th grade me wearing my orthodontic headgear. Those are the ones I can talk about anyway. You pick.

  • Terra says:

    I am excited about the mouthy housewives…I will have to check that out! Embarrasing photos? I would say the one my daughter proudly took of my hiney would count. ICK!

  • Inna says:

    the mouthy housewives is awesome! Are we allowed to send in our own questions too?
    And my embarrassing photo (cause I really really need a new printer)? Well, that would be me wrapped in a yellow towel, with matching yellow towel around my hair, huge sunglasses, and singing in a sock-microphone… don’t ask.

  • just enter me in the contest.

    please. ๐Ÿ™‚

    All photos of me are potentially embarrassing.

    But I let my daughter loose with my camera in Disney World last week and ended up with an EXTREME close-up of my nostrils.

    Yeah, *that was flattering.

  • linda says:

    How about the Farrah Fawcett haircut pic that someone from high school so kindly has on their FB page right now? I think that qualifies!

  • tracey says:

    Hey, you didn’t ASK for the photo.

    How about the one where I just gave birth and my dad stuck his camera in the room to snap a shot of my FACE and the BABY in my ARMS and ended up with a full body shot including blood and splayed legs with a doctor between them?

    Thanks, Dad.

    Pick me!

  • Cate says:

    I have 2 boys myself. When my older one (now 3) was about a year and a half, we went camping. I let him play in the water nude, and of course, took some pics of the cute lil baby butt.
    Target wouldn’t print them.
    They were “indecent.”
    They gave me the negatives “in case I could find *someone* to print them.”
    Clearly, there was a theme. There’s the river next to our campsite. There’s my guy in his diaper. There’s my guy in no diaper. There’s a happy baby splashing in the water.

    I’m such a [perverted] bad mother.
    …I was mortified.

    If you give me this printer, I can print out there indecent photos.

  • Caren Solomon Bharwani says:

    All pics taken between 1982 and 2000 are embarrassing! Please enter me in the drawing! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Daphne says:

    Boy oh boy do I want a new printer. I’ve got loads of embarrassing pics of you, if blackmail helps my chances?
    Congrats on the new launch.

  • Betsy says:

    Worst picture ever: 8th grade yearbook session. I literally coughed as the photo was taken. I had to beg the photographer to take a second picture. He did but for whatever reason they printed packets of both photos. I used to joke with my friends that they were my before and after drugs pictures (with the after being the coughing picture). Luckily the yearbook staff used the better of the two!

  • E says:

    The funniest pic is of me opening a wedding gift (a glass pitcher with flowers painted on it) and recoiling in horror and Ron is next to me clutching his forehead in dismay. The giver was not around. If I had a printer I would have more control over my photo destiny as the husband currently controls all of that and it makes me mental. Looking forward to your advice!

  • You Mouthy Housewives are just so witty, creative and clever. Its really annoying.

    Oh… and enter me in the contest, because I had to kill the person who took the most embarassing photo of me ever and I don’t want to tell you about it and then have to kill you and your readers too. I am not that willing to curb my TV commitments.

  • Jennifer says:

    I’ve taken too many embarrasing pictures to recall…one pops into my mind…pre-braces, bad bangs/haircut, wearing a little LuLu t-shirt, holding my cat Joey whose body is hiding my little pot belly!

  • maggie says:

    please enter me in the contest! I really need that printer. My husband has been “researching” to find the “best” photo printer ever since I bought my digital camera 4 years ago.

  • Rachel says:

    Yes please enter me in the contest… I guess mine would totally have to be fourth grade, I had a broken arm in a huge cast. Which the photographer thought would “look better” displayed on a really fancy greek column? I also had huge glasses, braces, white jean shorts and a striped pink shirt that was about four sizes too big!!! My mother still has it on her fridge (yikes)

  • Suzie says:

    how about a picture of me in a dress, strappy heels, SWOLLEN ankle (from surgery 6 wks prior) sitting in a shopping cart count? Ahhh, the good ol’ days….I know my BFF/Sorority Sister has that picture lying around somewhere….

  • zm says:

    Just about every photo my husband takes of me is embarassing…not sure how he manages to do that…they are mostly full of closed eyes, mouth open mid sentence,.. I also desperately need a printer…so i can print all my stuff!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • johanna says:

    having poison ivy cover every inch of my face just in time for my junior high picture was pretty much a killer…would love a printer for home to keep up with my photography obession!
    congrats on the new adventure!

  • kim says:

    Definitely those recent post-birth pictures that our doula took just over my shoulder — me and my partner in the soft light, giant boob dwarfing the newborn baby’s head, and just out of focus between my stirrupped legs is our doctor, stitching my perineum tear. I was grimacing in the picture, and I still grimace when I think of it.

  • Becky says:

    I’m sorry, I am a pretty boring person and I do not have a wild and crazy story about a picture taken of me:-( but that sounds like a pretty crazy printer and I will try like mad to do something crazy near a digital camera to make up for the lost time;-)…. oh, and I NEVER raid my kid’s easter baskets (wink, wink)

  • MN Mama says:

    I think I have had far too many emabarassing pictures taken…. to pick just one would be unfair. Congrats on the new website! Please enter me in the contest! This printer sounds fantastic!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    I’ll win. When I went for my colonoscopy I insisted on photos of the big event; from the camera’s point of view. The doctor obliged, and not only did I get 4 different views/photos…but I used them to make a ‘contest’ and sent them out to all my friends…asking if they could identify what they were. The choices were (1) a view of the moon scape. (2) a Baby Ruth bar. (3) My eyeball. (4) My tushy inside out.

  • Becky says:

    I had a pretty horrible picture taken a high school dance. I won’t look at it to this day. I don’t know why I even bother to keep it.

  • Jacki says:

    The most embarrassing (and there were many) was the famil picture taken of my family in the late 70’s. My sister and I had BIG hair & BIG hoop earrings. Our kids laugh hysterically when they see it at her house. She proudly displays it, mostly to torture me I am sure!

  • Sandrine says:

    A new blog CONGRATULATIONS I’m going to look at it right now…you won’t be bored in the suburbs for sure with all you are doing..
    Can’t beat the colonoscopy pictures…

  • Janna says:

    I think it would be me, smiling, riding an exercise bike while naked as a child. If my feet could reach the pedals, I should’ve had clothes on!

  • Merrily says:

    Um, that ‘And how do we end the stereotype that every mother is an insane chocolate addict who secretly raids her childrenโ€™s Halloween bags and Easter baskets?’ thing? THAT was the subject of my last blog – in fact that is me!
    Best pic of me I was buck naked standing in the bathtub – I was probably four, soaking wet with a wash cloth gathered between fists covering my naughty bits, laughing with mouth wide open. When I was about 12 or 13 I tore it up from embarrassment. )o: Silly Girl.

  • Megan says:

    That’s great news about the advice blog. I know I’ll need extra mom support with plans of going back to work full time next year. HELP! As far as embarrassing photos it’s hard to pick, but I’d love to win a printer! XOXO

  • Mandygirl says:

    embarrassing but funny pic was me making carpet angels on the floor at a party and not remembering that i did that!

  • Jaclyn says:

    My husbands friend took a picture of me taking a bite of a huge sub sandwich. Need I say more??

    On a side note and all 14 chins aside, cant wait to read the new blog!

  • Liz says:

    The most embarrassing picture that was taken of me is while I was 5 months pregnant, sitting on the toilet, taken by my now ex-husband. Back when it was a 35 mm camera, and you couldn’t just click “delete.” Let’s just say when we went to pick up the developed pictures at Wal-Mart, I was more than just a little red-faced, and the employees had more than just a little smirk! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Damselfly says:

    Bird people are following you — heh heh! And Twitter uses a bird too! Doubly cursed, if you’re not a bird person.

    Congrats on your new advice column. Sounds fun.

  • bonggamom says:

    ANY photo taken of me between ages 9 and 12 is embarrassing. I had buck teeth, a pudgy stomach, and an amazingly bad haircut! I hope I win…..

  • Amy Jo says:

    When I was a kid my god mother took a shot of me on the toilet, which wouldn’t have been so bad, except for the fact that I was 11.

  • valmg says:

    The most embarassing photo of me is actually not a photo but a wedding video. I was 19 when I got married and mistakenly thought people made money when they got married. So there is video footage of me, waiting in the hotel room after the ceremony. My parents hadn’t gotten back to the hotel yet and I wanted to open my envelopes because I was sure we’d get a fortune. My uncle said “don’t you want to wait for your Mom”, to which I replied “the hell with my Mom I want to see how much money is in our envelopes”. Mortifying, no?
    For the record, we made $40. Obviously I wasn’t able to stay home and lead a life of luxury so please enter me.

  • Terrell says:

    Most embarrassing: a picture of my naked body covered head to foot with chicken pox at the age of 33! Why my husband decided to document that event is beyond me. It was the worst! And then my kids wanted to know why I was sick for 2 weeks when they were only sick for 3 days!

  • Nancy Straka says:

    Enter me in the contest please :>)

    I do not have any embarrassing photos, I do not have more than 10 photos taken of me in my adult life. But I love to take photos of everyone else. I also have a Kodak camera, though my daughter says it is too old, 7 years to be exact, just telling you I love Kodak.

  • EW says:

    Worst photo is one we like to call “post partum” when referenced…such as, “well, at least this new photo isn’t as bad as ‘post-partum.’ Very overgrown roots, pale face, bags under the eyes and PJ’s that shouldn’t have been worn. Anyway, it’s bad and I’d like that printer!

  • Megan says:

    Me as Pippi Longstocking for halloween when I was 9. Thank god digital camera’s didnt exisit then. The original has been long lost. Oh, what a tragedy…..

  • Nis says:

    Ugh, one that recently resurfaced on a friend’s Facebook page shows me, tipsy and red faced, thrift store veil on my head, at my bachelorette party…we were probably at our 3rd or 4th bar so you can imagine. I got married at the silly age of 23 (I still love him, that’s all good!) so we had little taste, class, or cash. Scary! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • jsk says:

    i doubt that it’s my most crazy/embarrassing/stupid photo – but it’s the one that popped into my head when i read your post. imagine: three seventeen year olds standing in our bras on the side of the road in suburban d.c. posing like muscle men on a road trip to nowhere during a high school summer program at georgetown university. make sure that you picture me in a “chastity” bra (that’s what i called the massive 32D bras my stepmother bought for me back in the day)……

  • Steph says:

    would love to win that printer so I could print all your hilarious posts which get me through the day (oh and photos of my daughters, too!)

  • melanie says:

    i don’t like ANY pictures taken of me. i never look as good in them as i do in my own mind. the absolute worst are the ones the kids take of me–you know, where they hold the camera way up and give everyone an up-the-nose shot…

  • aimee says:

    My mom has several photos displayed of me in my awkward phase. Punky Brewster hat. Horrible outfits. I have no idea why they are on display!

  • Jean E says:

    Please enter me in the contest. Just the usual pictures of big puffy hair in the late 80’s with big puffy sleeves to match!

  • Jodi Harris says:

    6th grade – 8th grade school pics…..enough said!!!
    pls enter me in the contest:)
    hope you, Rick and the girls are good!

  • Allison T. says:

    Hmmm…it would be difficult to beat some of these embarassing photos. I can’t imagine the stories that would emerge if we talked about the embarassing moments that WEREN’T caught on film!

    But since I could really use a printer, one embarassing pic is of me at a 7th grade sleep over, in my tshirt (why didn’t we wear pj bottoms at these things??) with oatmeal on my face and kiwi slices over my eyes. You know, like a facial at “real spa”. Although where we got the idea that this was spa/facial material remains unclear. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I want in! And one of my best incriminating photographs can be found right on my blog. Because WHY would I want to hide the fact that a young, hot guy named “French” fondled my bosom while applying a fake tattoo in a tropical bar?!? That’s right, I wouldn’t want to hide it— I’d want to flaunt it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Tiffany says:

    I’m sure I’m mentally blocking an even more embarassing picture, but the only one that comes to mind right now is a picture of me getting ready on my wedding day. I had my wedding dress pulled up to my waist and one arm in the air appyling deodorant. I have over 200 pictures waiting to be printed so I hope I win!

  • Jane says:

    No embarrassing pictures, but my boyfriend and I every-time we go on vacation only take a picture of our feet. “Here we are at the beach” and it’s our feet in the sand, “here we are skiing in Utah” and it’s just our boots with the mountain in the back ground.
    We crack up, it drives our families crazy!! His kids hate it!
    I also frame the pictures and have them around the house.

  • Attilla the Mum says:

    The absolute most embarassing photo of me was at a Hawaiian luau party my boyfriend (now husband) was throwing many years ago. I got drunk, propped myself between two tiki torches in bikini and grass skirt, and hollered, “Hey, look at me! I’m the virgin sacrifice!” Someone managed to snap the photo just as my “lei” bracelet caught on fire. True story. I would love to forget aforementioned story, but photographic evidence exists. Oy.

  • Kasey Jensen says:

    When I was a young teenager, I was entered into a horse show where they wanted us to show off our skills by mounting up on the horse in front of everyone. I wanted to show off my cute butt in a pair of very tight jeans… that happened to split open as pictures were being snapped. Oh to find those pictures and burn them!

  • Sue Lauinec says:

    Please enter me in the contest! I am a graphic designer and a girl scout leader and could really use one to help save some costs!

  • Angie says:

    I think my most embarassing picture is the wedding picture that was sent to all my husband’s family for Christmas. I hated it at the time, but my MIL picked it out and it was right at the beginning of my marriage when I didn’t think I could say anything. Now I get to look at it (framed and paid for by my hubby and I no less) every time I go to one of his Aunt or Grandma’s houses. AHHH! Now I know better! (And one day I will switch them all out with the picture from my wedding that I love!) Ha! It’s embarassing to me only though, just because I couldn’t speak up for myself!

  • Andrea H says:

    My husband took pictures during my c-section. I was okay with it. But then he emailed them to my mother who somehow managed to forward them to her entire office! I was totally embarassed!

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