You’ve thankfully received 14 reminders from Evite that your daughter has a birthday party to attend today. And you already have a gift!
Take a look at your daughter before you leave. Hair and teeth are not brushed but heck, no one is doing that on the weekends, right? Look at your watch, realize you should have left 10 minutes ago and rush out the door.
Throw the minivan into reverse, put your foot on the gas and then smash into your driveway gate. You knew either you or your husband would hit this gate eventually. Mourn the fact that you secretly really thought it would be him.
Realize that now you can’t get the broken gate to open. Run inside and grab your keys to the Jeep which is thankfully parked on the street. As you emerge from the house with the keys, remember that your husband took the Jeep to work. Foiled again.
As a last resort, borrow your mother’s car which smells like a doggy daycare center and rides like a scooter. (Make a mental note to apologize to your mother later for disparaging her car on your blog.)
Put the booster seat in your mother’s car. Listen to your daughter say things like, “Wow. There is A LOT of stuff in this car. I see laundry, CD’s, books, dog dishes, water bottles, bowls, chopsticks etc, etc.” for the entire ride.
Almost fly by the birthday girl’s house but then stop short when you see balloons. Put the car in reverse and accidentally roll over a portion of their grass. Wonder what the hell is wrong with your driving today?!
Realize that six little girls in adorable tea party dresses and the birthday girl’s father (dressed in a tux) are all on the porch, watching you run over the lawn.
Put the car in park, look at your daughter in the backseat and wonder why she is wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants. Consider trying to create a a tea party dress out of the laundry in the back of the car and then realize this is not the “Sound of Music” and you don’t f*cking sew.
Get out of the car, dust Trader Joe’s popcorn off your pants and bring daughter into party. Say goodbye before you destroy any more of their property.
Pray that they send you an Evite as a reminder to pick her up.
23 Responses to how to take your daughter to a birthday tea party
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kelcey kintner
Hahaha, love it!
Oops…that was not the blog I meant to link up to.
Hahaha! That was hilarious!
You crack me up. Tuxedo, really? Which cake goes with that?
ahhh just another day in the burbs…what do you win for hitting the fence? I feel there should be a prize…afterall you took all the stress off Rick. Its worth atleast a latte.
That pretty much sums up my everyday. I start carrying extra shoes in the back of my mv due to the many occasions of arriving at a destination with my ‘get your shoes on cry’ unheeded. Maybe do the same for party dresses? My husband in not much of a backer either 🙂
I wish you lived in my neighborhood.
Loved this post… it is very funny!
Gabby – Customized Family/Nanny Matching Service, serving the Tri-State area, http://www.goldnannygroup.com.
Hilarious.
Also – always err on the side of being overdressed for tea parties. 😉
I’m sorta laughing that one of your comments is from a Nanny group.
Hope the tea party was fun after all that 🙂 Did you go back for pick up?
I am not sure if this makes you feel any better but not once but twice my dad backed out of our drive into a parked car (no fence involved. . .). Take care. xoxo
This could totally happen to me. Except the tea party dresses, as they tend to underdress here in Switzerland, very much unlike what they do in Westchester 😉
Hahahaha!!! You’re my kinda gal!
Yoga pants and t-shirt are the new LBD.
oh, i am so the same mom. though sometimes i like to mix-it-up and be the one with the kid in the tea party dress at the gym party.
Man, I hate it when I hit things with the car before my husband does. Did I ever mention the time I hit the Mercedes with no plates because it was three days off the lot? Still waiting for my husband to match that one.
Hilarious. However – He was dressed in a tux for real? Bit overboard, I’d say!
Yes, the tux was bold. Maybe he had a formal dinner that night?
Funny, I had to talk my daughter out of a fancy dress for the birthday this weekend. It was at one of those jumpy party places.
Hope she had fun at the party.
Bless your heart. Seriously. You make me feel that I am not the only mother feeling that way. And why does this particular post make Wendi want you to live in her neighborhood? Her lawn needs work??
God bless you. I automatically put £500 in all reply party envelopes with note:
“Child may or may not make it to the festivities in one piece, but here is the money it will cost me in carnage getting her there. Regards.”
Sometimes I think keg parties will be a relief.
Your daughter sounds like the best dressed there. With the exception of tuxedo dad, of course.
I thought yoga pants and t-shirts were appropriate for *every* occasion? No? That’s a bummer. Thank God for those uber-annoying evite reminders, right? Ha!