1. Hire a photographer to capture your children’s outer and inner beauty. (Okay, mostly outer.)
2. Decide on shades of blue and white for photo because blue brings out your eyes (I mean the children’s eyes! This is about the children!)
3. Listen to kids complain about what they have to wear. Tell them they will someday be grateful for these photos knowing full well they won’t because they will have 40,000 photos stored on their iPhoneXVXIXV (I don’t know what number that is – I didn’t go to college in Rome.)
4. Take roughly A LOT of photos and hope a few don’t look like your mom took them. But in fairness to my mom, she did recently take beautiful pics of me eating Cheetos at the playground.
5. Get photos back and realize you have one that is actually pretty amazing.
6. Log onto Shutterfly. Spend an hour creating a holiday card that celebrates love, peace and happiness.
7. Attempt to save order at which point Shutterfly will freeze and your card will be immediately lost.
8. But no worries. You are filled with holiday joy. You will simply recreate this card. Except you can’t ever find that style card again. It has disappeared into the merry black hole of the holiday universe.
9. Finally create new card, enter 37 digit discount code and hallelujah, your cards are confirmed!
10. At some point between a blur of Hanukah and Christmas, the cards arrive. Immediately put them on the top of the washing machine and promptly forget they exist.
11. Remember they exist when you’re shoving more stuff on top of the washing machine because guests are coming into town and you want to rid your kitchen counter of clutter and look like you have your act together (you do not).
12. Put holiday cards on the dining room table so you don’t forget.
(The box makes a great place to showcase your salt and pepper. Kind of like a lazy susan but without the spinning.)
13. When you still don’t send them out, tell your friends your holiday cards are available for pick up at your house.
14. When no one comes, offer curbside service.
15. When no one takes advantage of this amazing, limited time offer, ask your sister (in town from Memphis) to help you address some envelopes at the pool.
16. If all else fails, know you can cross out “Happy Holidays” and write “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
P.S. I’m not going to post the holiday photo here because then you will have no incentive to open up my card in February.
But here’s one of my faves from the photo shoot…
Photo by Simona Solomon Photography
Happy Valentines Day everyone!