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The other day I was putting Summer down for her nap and she was all like, “Can you put the nightlight on? I need more water. Where is my Strawberry Shortcake doll? Can you sing one more song? Where’s Daddy? Why does he have to go to work? I miss Daddy. Can I have some cake? Why does Pinkalicious eat all those cupcakes? I don’t want to nap. I want a ponytail. Where’s my sister? Can you leave the door open a little bit? My pillow’s wet. I need my nails painted. I’m wearing princess underwear. Can you read another book?”

And I’m all like, “Hold that thought, I really need to pee.”

So I head into the bathroom, sit down and midstream I see this staring at me from right outside the window:

squirrel 2

Like 6 inches away.

Holy crap. That seriously freaked me out. Until I realized it was just a stupid squirrel. Chilling outside my window.

I don’t mean to be some kind of wildlife idiot but when did squirrels start hanging out on roofs and staring in windows like weird, creepy stalkers? Did I miss this in the suburb brochure?

Page 47 which clearly reads, “As a new suburban family, you will soon witness and enjoy the natural wildlife. One indigenous animal to the forests of Westchester is the adorable grey spotted squirrel which can often be seen eating nuts, scurrying through trees and ogling moms who really need to pee and wish their 2 year-olds would take a nap.”

This guy was in no hurry either because I walked downstairs, grabbed my camera and came back for his photo shoot. Hey, does this make me a wildlife photographerย  now?

Anyway, I think he was still there when I finally got Summer to sleep.

56 Responses to how to scare a city girl

  • Kathy says:

    OMG too funny you are a wildlife photographer now!! Better tell your hubby to watch it you might get an special award too! Sure it wasn’t the pervert neighbor web cam in a stuffed squirrel? Just a thought!!

  • I haven’t lived in the city for nearly 20 years… I still feel so much safer there! My question to you is this; Do you keep a camera in the bathroom just for the offchance of catching a perp?! LOL

  • KidSafe Mama says:

    I miss the squirrels!
    But what I am really writing about is ICE CREAM! Thank you Kelcey! We have received our first month’s supply (didn’t last us all of two days!) of Blue Bunny – Bunny Tracks ice cream. My kids and I are ice cream connoisseurs – this ice cream ranked high – really creamy with just the right amount of crunchy yummy items mixed in. THANKS!!!
    We also got ice pops…the kind we used to buy from the ice cream truck as it drove through the neighborhood…hey do you have an ice cream truck in suburbia?
    Oh and let me add – the most fun about having ice cream delivered to the house is 24 hours of fun playing with the dry ice.
    Best to you and the family.

  • smilinggreenmom says:

    So funny! That would totally freak me out too ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad to know you don’t typically keep your camera in the bathroom, LOL

  • Dixie Chick says:

    Well, sitting in our bedroom, we could hear noises up above (attic that is) and it ended up being a mom and 2 baby possums…I did take a picture and it was scary looking, squirrels are soft and cuddly compared to a possum. Our neighbor also caught one a while back and he kept it for my daughters to see, and 3 year old Mallory says…”how pretty” she liked that the nails looked like they were painted pink.

  • Cheryl Reed says:

    My neighbor actually feeds the squirrels in her front yard. When we first moved in, they expected the same of me, but we’ve reached an understanding: they stop eating my tulips and I won’t run them over or call the redneck branch of my family in for lunch gathered from the yard.

    The best/worst story we’ve heard at Angie’s List (we rate animal removal experts) was a lady who had a bat with a six-foot-wingspan in her bathtub drain. It was caught and struggling to emerge while she was occupied on the toilet. She saw the movement, leaned over to inspect and I’m certain had a little spillage. Good news: the animal guy got the sucker out. No word on whether she sold the house after that.

  • Heather says:

    Too funny! As I read it, I was thinking, “did she really have her camera in the bathroom w/ her?”
    We had a BAT in our house this week…can you believe??? Then, slugs. I wrote about it on my blog, or I can tell you all the funny details when we finally meet some day!

  • Jordana says:

    Here’s what I once heard about squirrels that completely changed my entire outlook on them (in a bad, bad way). WARNING – squirrel lovers and others who think they are cute – you may not want to read the next line. Okay, I warned you. Squirrels are just like rats only with fluffy tails. Now you can be inside my head when you see a squirrel. You’re welcome. BTW, it doesn’t stop Michael and the girls from constantly feeding them peanuts – which if you’ve never done and live in a peanut-friendly area is a fun activity. Leave the shell on. Enjoy.

  • Kate says:

    Squirrels elicit a similar reaction from me. The men in my life are divided. My father, who IS a suburbanite threw out his back once to the point of needing physical therapy chasing a squirrel away from their birdfeeder. My husband who is an immigrant to this Land of the Free absolutely ADORES squirrels and let one sit on his leg in Washington Square Park and share an apple crumb bar from Think Coffee. I don’t know which is worse.

  • Cathy says:

    Great photo! all i can think of now is the sex and the city episode when SJP’s character stays at her boyfriend’s cabin and freaks at the site of the squirrel. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Daphne says:

    Glad to read the camera was not in fact in the bathroom at the ready. We have some crazy squirrels out here too. They’re like family, nutty, weird family.

  • anna see says:

    What a perv that little fellow is!

    We had a squirrel that kept clinging to our window screen. Then he committed suicide by lunging under my husband’s tire in the carport.

  • Rebecca S. says:

    Was it 5pm when you put Summer to bed? If so, I applaud you. We have foxes in the suburbs of Boston and they eat the squirrels.

  • Deb says:

    Yes, you are now a wildlife photographer. Congrats! Please wait for a DIFFERENT animal opportunity, however, to qualify as a food photographer. They SO do not taste like chicken.

  • jessica says:

    I would have flipped out and done a lot more than pee at that moment. Congrats on your new career. I heard nat’l geographic is looking for people to shoot pics of worms.

  • There are a lot of squirrels in Northern VA. I lived in one house where a squirrel liked to hang out on the porch steps – like lying on his belly with his feet dangling (what kind of squirrel stance is that? bizarre). Needless to say, I used the back door.

    As for your squirrel – creepy – but at least it wasn’t a rat.

  • Mighty says:

    When we moved into our first apartment the squirrels would leap from the lawn furniture up on to our screen door. So we would watch while they scampered around with their bellies facing us.

    This of course was far better than one of our neighbor’s toddlers who walked over to our patio, stood about three feet from where my husband was lying on the living room floor, squatted, and peed.

  • ErinB says:

    why do kids always be come soooooooooooooooo thirsty at bed. and how come they all know this trick?
    nice pet K. cant wait for the post where dylan is dressing him up in her clothes!

  • Elisa says:

    Those are Westchster squirrels. They think that branches just won’t do. A clean, steady, smooth window sill is a much better place. Especially if they can enjoy a little peep show from it ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Shannon says:

    I hear you- when we moved out West, I was joined by a deer on one of my morning runs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love seeing deer~ especially from the comfort of my car or home. . . but two yards away? All I could think of was the episode of ‘when wild things attack’ when the deer was pummeling a hunter with his front hooves. I got the run of my life that morning and a lot of teasing ! I have since run by quite a few more deer, but it’s truly not something I’ve ever gotten used to!

  • Pearl says:

    we have some squirrels that use our roof as a playground. sometimes i think a heard of elephants is on top of the house. those suburban squirrels can be aggressive too… the always win the staring contest.

  • Dear Mamabird-
    We are very interested in your new wildlife work and would love to feature more in our next edition. Perhaps you could include the ellisive ‘Daddy Long Legs” as well as a house cat or two. Let us know how it goes.

    Thank you~
    National Geographic

  • ann says:

    giggling as I read this post, becuase ALL DAY yesterday my husband was having his own little war (still going on, btw) with the chipmunk who is ruining our retaining wall beside the house. The little bastard keeps getting the treat in the trap & gets out, sits on top of said trap, then eats the treat. All to mock husband, of course.
    So as I write this, I just heard another exasperated “Little F’er!!) from the kitchen where my husband can see the little “F’er” get away… again. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    The squirrel was looking for Rick. He wanted some nuts…Good thing Rick wasn’t on the potty…

  • melanie says:

    we live in the city, and i once had one peering down at me through a hole in the bathroom ceiling. now THAT is creepy!

    (my daughter likes pinkalicious too. is that not the most obnxious story in the world? who lets their kid eat that many cupcakes anyway?)

  • calikim says:

    I’m with Kathy. If that thing was there long enough you to go get a camera, its totally some creep with a camera in a stuffed squirrel! Plus he looks REALLY big.

    Did you take time to talk he animals too?? or just photograph them?

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kelcey kintner