Spice Up Your Inbox. Subscribe Today.

enter your email address:


I remember when I was a teenager, I would chat on the phone with my girlfriends, dissecting every nuance about our favorite crush. Did he say hi in the hall? Did I say hi back? Was he just being nice? Does he have a girlfriend? Why is he always hanging out with that annoying girl Stephanie? We would laugh and chatter and finally say goodbye but then keep talking for another half hour. Finally, I would hang up the phone. My mother would then ask me a simple question like, “Would you like casserole for dinner?” and I would grunt a reply, ignore her and start reading Seventeen Magazine. One day my mother said to me, “Why can’t you be as nice to me as you are to your friends?” I was suddenly paying attention. She had a point. Why wasn’t I as nice to her? I promised to do better.

Today (20 years later) my husband asked me the very same question. He hears me chat with my friends about preschools, potty training and why a 2 ½ year-old absolutely insists on wearing pajamas for nap time every single day. We laugh, joke and commiserate about this crazy ride called motherhood. But when it comes to my husband, we aren’t laughing as much as we used to. Instead, we argue over the bottomless laundry bag, the dishes that never stay clean and the thank you notes begging to be written. I wonder why he can’t seem to put our daughter’s bagel on a plate in the morning, instead tossing it casually on the counter. When was the last time he ate a bagel off the counter? He wonders what happened to that funny, compassionate girl he married. Instead, each morning he wakes up to a cranky, tired 30-something who nitpicks about bagels and counters.

But why can’t I be nicer to him? Why can’t we laugh as much with each other as we do with our friends? I mean, isn’t he the most important person in the world to me. Of course he is. As I once read, no matter how much we try to put the brakes on time, our children will grow up. They will eventually leave us. Hopefully, our husbands won’t. So he makes a good point. I can be nicer to him. I promise to do better.

4 Responses to hi. I’m tired, crabby and lucky you, I’m your wife!

  • Quinn Carlson says:

    Well, if it makes you feel better my husband asks the same thing and we don't even have kids yet.

  • Jordana Bales says:

    After a long weekend away, Michael was kind enough to feed Ava, bathe her and put her to sleep while I was able to indulge in a much needed mani/pedi. When I came home, I noticed that he had not put the tub away. With every fiber in my body I said to myself, "Be grateful…let it go…just put the tub away yourself…just thank him and don't mention the silly tub…" Did I? Of course not. I resolve to be less compulsive/kinder to my husband as well!

  • jill sherman says:

    Hi girls with young children. I am here to let you know that it gets better. One day you will beg your children to spend time with you… but your 16 year old daughter would rather spend time with her boyfriend and thousands of friends, your 14 year old son will be at the movies with his buddies and potential girlfriends and your 11 year old son will be outside playing basketball with friends. Although it will be sad that your kids won't spend time with you unless you schedule it and demand it…Guess who will ALWAYS be there to play a game with you…go for a walk or help to cook dinner? Your ready and willing husband. He will be happy to have you back after all of the years of craziness! It's always encouraging to have an "older" parent's prespective! I'll keep it coming.

Leave a Reply to Quinn Carlson Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

kelcey kintner