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Feb
11
2009

Dylan’s hair has grown incredibly long.

dylan-long-hair

But she’s not so keen on getting a trim. So I gave her my best pitch…

“Honey, you need a little trim. Let’s go down to Doodle Doo’s and you can pick out a video and watch TV while they just shape your hair a little bit. You can sit in my lap if you want. Then you’ll get a lolly pop and I’ll even let you pick out a small toy there. Does that sound good?”

“No,” Dylan replies defiantly.

“Well, then I’ll just have to cut it myself at home. No video. No candy. Nothing. Is that what you REALLY want?” I ask.

“Yes. Cut my hair at home.”

It’s settled.

Fabulous.

Except for my complete lack of beautician skills.

So fine. I’ll learn how to cut hair. Sure, my Tim Gunn inspired mission to learn how to sew somehow veered off the runway.  My sewing machine and half finished plaid skirt form 2002 are now packed in storage. But it’s hard to become a budding fashion designer when Tim and Heidi and Michael aren’t around.

This time will be different. So I pull out “The Learning Annex” which is where New Yorkers go to become experts on ANYTHING in one night.

I find tons of awesome courses for just $45 like “How to Be a People Magnet.” Except I don’t really love people. However, my husband will chat with you (really, all of you) endlessly and actually enjoy it. It’s like he’s constantly auditioning to be the official ambassador of New York City. I wonder if he teaches the class.

Wait, this sounds like an interesting class… “How to Talk to Your Cat.” But I don’t have a cat. And if I did, she couldn’t possibly teach me how to cut hair.

I keep looking and find, “How to Mary a Millionaire: The Rich Are Going to Marry Someone… Why Not You?” How brilliant! I’ll be so rich that I can hire someone to teach me how to cut hair. Oh right. I’m already married. Well, that’s suddenly inconvenient.

I hate millionaires.

The Learning Annex sucks. Not one damn beauty class.

And my kid’s hair is eventually going to turn into sticky, golden dreadlocks.


49 Responses to hair stylist in training

  • KidSafe Mama says:

    Ahhh children – they teach us young….only make threats you really WANT to follow through on. They will get you every time. One of the best family stories we have is the one about my mother cutting off the top part of my brothers ear at his first and last home done haircut! Good Luck!

  • Cathy says:

    there’s no way I’d attempt to cut hair–I can’t even hold a blow dryer properly to blow my hair straight.  Maybe I should teach a course on talking to cats!

  • Robin says:

    I’ve cut my girls’ hair several times… it does get easier.  This time I gave Tess a stacked bob!  Actually, I don’t think either of them has had a professional haircut yet.  It requires a lot of patience (on both our parts) and I’m very slow, but it is a very cute cut on her.

  • mackbeth says:

    Fly her to Denver for a trip to Lollilocks.  It is totally cool and she’ll love the adventure!  Now that is an expensive trim!! 

  • amy says:

    Yeah I can’t even cut paper straight, so no way am I trying with the hair. Which reminds me, I’ve suddenly forgotten what color eyes my little one has. Time to make an appointment.

  • Cat says:

    My mother once trimmed my fringe while I slept, well almost, now I have a fear of hairdressers.
    Have you taker her with you when you get your hair cut? 
    She could just be scared of the unknown.

  • Sandrine says:

    I can’t believe her hair got so long I remember the days when you were just waiting for that hair to grow…When I was a teenager I cut my mom and my sister’s hair, (I don’t know why they let me) so I thought I could do it on Tengo…he of course ended up at a hairdresser the next day…good luck I know you can do it…

  • Daphne says:

    Don’t be scared, just grab a scissors and jump right in.  I’m the only one who’s ever cut Kira’s hair, and she’s the only one who constantly gets compliments on it (ok, she was born with awesome hair, but still.) 
    It’s easy: Get it wet, cut.

  • aimee says:

    No wonder New Yorkers know EVERYTHING! You have the Learning Annex! 🙂 I think the trim will be easy; the nice waves will mask any crookedness. Just by real hair-cutting scissors!

  • Marinka says:

    Her hair is gorgeous! And I congratulate her on not wanting to go to that Doodle Doo place.  When I took my son there, a kid was screaming like his hair had nerve endings.

  • Michelle says:

    Um, it seems that the long locks look is popular in her class. (the little girl in the background seems to have quite the ponytail!) Maybe a trip with Mommy to your salon? My hairdresser cuts my girls hair and doesn’t usually charge me. (I just give her an extra tip)

  • The Mom Bomb says:

    I really wish I could pick out a video at the salon.  There’s too much pressure to chit chat.  I’d just pop in a chick flick and chill. And a lolly pop afterwards wouldn’t hurt, either.

  • johanna says:

    How I’d love to watch a video while someone cut my hair instead of having to be interested in my stylists weird and sometimes unpleasant life stories that she shares! 

  • Julia says:

    My advice?  Take her to Target & let her pick out hair cutting scissors–they will have a few to choose from.  Real hair cutting scissors will make the experience much easier all around, really!

  • First:  I’m in love with the color scheme of your daughter’s outfit.  

    and B:  Your logo reminds me of this necklace that I bought like eight of for my new mommy friends.  (I saw it on Dooce’s page a while back.)  It’s at figsandginger.com, little mama bird with baby birds following.

  • patois says:

    My daughter wouldn’t go for a “real” haircut until she was midway through kindergarten. Good thing none of us care what we look like around here!

  • pajamadeen says:

    I like her hair the way it is, too.  But if you insist on trimming it, it’s easy peasy.  Just comb it out, make her sit still (ha! that’s the tricky part!) and take a pair of scissors and snip across the bottom.  Finit, and you saved $, too.  🙂

  • jordan says:

    put a bowl on her head and trim around. next time she’ll be DYING to not have you cut it. problem solved. 🙂 plus you get blackmail pictures.

  • Gabriella's Mom says:

    get some safety scissors for everyone and have “Day of Beauty for Dylan” that way when it turns out bad, its not your fault! 🙂
     

  • Erin says:

    ah, yes the learning annex. I remember that from SATC. “How to pick up guys.” or something like that…..
    i also have a hairy situation at my house-pun intended-involving a girl and out of control hair!

  • wa says:

    I’m having flashbacks to my mother forcing me to cut my Marcia Brady hair into a blonde Dorothy Hamill.  Or as I like to call it “The Wedge Incident”.

  • PAPA says:

    Isn\\\’t Donald Trump always on the cover of the Learning Annex magazines. And doesn\\\’t he have great hair. Yea, I\\\’d say cut her hair yourself.    Take the money you saved and treat her to ice cream or blackberry sorbet.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    As soon as she starts public school and the little boys who flirt with ‘girls they like’ by pulling on their beautiful hair for some ‘attention’….she’ll be begging to have it cut short.   Or teach Summer how to play ‘Beautician’ with her big sister; by learning how to wash her hair and blow-dry it. 

  • Jen says:

    i love her long hair (miss my own long locks!), but i’m still not over the “open house” post which i meant to comment on and day got away from me. really really don’t want  you to move:( ! but hope it works out of course. luke keeps asking me to get his haircut–that kid would sell his sister for a lolly and video. i want to grow it longer but it kinda looks like a mullet now. so we’ll be booking soon… xo

  • Sara says:

    We’ve experienced the sticky blond dreadlocks. When they come, you have to cut hair.
    Maybe she would think it was fun if you had her turn her head upside down, then you hold her hair in a  ponytail pointing straight up from her head and just trim straight across. Works on me.
    You can do it!

  • Stacy Quarty says:

    After thoroughly wetting, comb all hair straight back with a fine comb. With a good pair of scissors, cut about an inch off in a slightly arched “U” shape- A little shorter near the shoulders. That’s it! Done.

    If you attempt bangs- start with long bangs first. They’re easy to mess up but not easy to fix unless you’ve got some length to work with.

  • ewe_are_here says:

    Wow!  All that lovely hair!

    And you’ve just made me realiized I have no clue how to make pigtails or braids (as I never had these) or any other ‘girly’ hairstyles… what am I going to do???

  • Jacquie says:

    I missed this post, but me & a friend actually took “Telepathic communication with animals” at the Learning Annex, sort of as a joke.  People were incredibly serious about it, and one couple were trying to communicate with their dead cat, “Boo Boo”.  We laughed so hard we cried.   It was 2002 and the teacher suggested Smitty (my cat) might have been deeply affected by the events of September 11th…..  You should really try a class some time.  You can’t beat it for entertainment value.

  • Lo says:

    What colour is her hair? I have to know! It’s hard to tell with the flash. It’s such a nice colour. I want my hair to look like this!


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