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Sep
15
2016

Hey, it’s 3 year old Cash! What up people?! My mom is letting me do some guest blogging and by that I mean, “She’s in the shower and she thinks I’m watching ‘Paw Patrol.'”

But honestly, as long as I’m still in the house when she gets out, she considers herself a very successful parent. You should see the bolt locks they have to keep me from leaving the compound. My goodness, can’t a kid get out for a nice exercise walk and some solitude now and then?

My sister Dylan just had a birthday. She turned 12 or 2 – honestly I have no idea. I do know that she kept opening up gifts and I kept opening up nothing. My parents would throw me the empty boxes like I’m going to be jazzed about that. I’m not one year old guys! I know there is nothing in the box.

And my mom was all like – I can’t believe she’s 12. They grow up too fast. Why do adults always say that? They are like broken records. And another question, what the hell is a record?

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know I do some cray cray stuff. Here I’ll provide links. Here’s one. And another. Yup, another. And one more. My mom recently said to dad, “I think Cash is getting a little less nutso.” Now that was obviously my cue to ramp it up a bit. And potty training was the perfect opportunity.

My mother is really into this potty training thing. I would say my interest is somewhere between “I could care less” and “I’m good with this pull up til high school.”

So with complete disregard for my privacy, my mom finally resorted to taking off the pull up whenever we are home in the hopes I’ll finally try out that toilet contraption I hear so much about. And it seemed like a good idea until I pooped on the floor.

Yup, pooped on the floor. And not like a petite toddler poop. Like a Great Dane poop.

My siblings were all flabbergasted and my mom was like “Let me get my camera and document this for your dad.” I should probably be grateful she didn’t stream it live on Facebook. Although who cares if a bunch of old people see my epic poop.

By the way, there is no quicker way to get your mom to put your pull up back on then pooping on the floor.

Well, I knew I had to immediately redeem myself so my parents would keep me around so I learned how to raise my eyebrows. Big crowd pleaser around here.

Cute, right? They pretty much forgot about that poop thing. Anyway, I gotta run. Need to focus on picking the right outfit for my bitmoji. There are so many choices! And obviously, the right outfit is everything. xo Cash


7 Responses to guest post by my 3 year old son Cash

  • Jeneen says:

    It makes me feel better that I am not the only one this happened to! I thought for sure if he had no pants on he’d go go to the toilet and no, he did a man sized dump on the living room floor, I’m pretty sure I screamed I was so shocked.

  • Bee Sullivan-Harrington says:

    my son pooped on his bedroom floor so often we had to rip up the rugs. He also peed in his shoe once because he said his sisters were hogging the bathroom. Now that he is 11, he does not like to be reminded of either of these occasions.

  • Mary Clare says:

    I’m trying to block out my own kid’s poop stories. One keeps popping into my head. The day after she ate some very colorful ice cream, I was changing my toddler’s diaper as she stood in the living room of my sister’s home. The toddler was standing because what toddler ever lies still for a diaper change?! Thinking that I was dealing with a wet diaper, I pulled it off quickly and a nice blue turd rolled along the floor coming to a stop at my brother in law’s feet. This is the guy who nearly fainted the first time he saw a dirty baby diaper. He was pretty cool about it, considering.


kelcey kintner


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