Spice Up Your Inbox. Subscribe Today.

enter your email address:


By Harlowe

Do you know that my twin brother Chase has already written two posts for this blog and I have never even been asked to contribute?! Way to help break the glass ceiling mom.

And let me tell you, I am a riot. Just the other day I said to my mother, “I’m a princess. Chase is a monkey” and mom was totally cracking up over that dumb line. You would have thought I just performed a Paula Poundstone stand-up routine or something.

Speaking of monkeys, it’s no secret that my brother Chase has a borderline unhealthy obsession with Curious George. I mean, no one should be that focused on a naked, jungle animal. And could the story lines of those books be more predictable? I prefer something with a little more edge like Angelina Ballerina. That rodent rips it up on the dance floor.

As you might know, Tommy Tom is my grandfather. I have no idea why I’m not allowed to call him gramps or grand pa the way they did in the good ole days.  But anyway, Tommy Tom wanted to buy Chase some more Curious George books for Christmas and my mom said, “No.”

Yo, way to keep an open mind woman.

Chase was in a panic over this news and it was awesome watching him stress out. You see my mom is stuff phobic. (In confidence, I’m in the process of writing a treatment for a reality show about these moms who throw everything away.)

I’m telling you nothing is safe around here. Not an art project. Not a toy. Not even hibachi leftovers. You never know if you’ll see your Build A Bear in the morning. It’s a troubling way to live.

Due to the fact that mom could easily count 15 Curious George books that we already own, she outlawed anymore.

Lucky for Chase, that’s when dad got involved.

And dad said, “But why not encourage his love of reading?”

And the argument was over.  Well played daddy-o. Chase is now getting 5 new Curious George books but they’re all in one hardcover book to appease the matriarch over there.

I don’t know what I’m getting for Christmas.  Maybe nothing because I throw myself on the floor in tears about every 22 minutes and it seems really irritating to the adults.  I read this manual called “Making the Most of Your Twos” and it said to be totally unreasonable and irrational about everything so I’m doing my best.

Like yesterday, I sobbed uncontrollably because I was only allowed ONE bowl of ice cream. And gosh dammit, I wanted another. But my mother is made of stone. She never even considered it. All I’m saying is – it might be nice if she encouraged MY love of ice cream.

Hey, today is my sister Summer’s 6th birthday. Happy Birthday sis! Mom wants you know that you are gorgeous, amazing and she loves you so much. (Those kind of lofty compliments better come my way on my birthday.)

Last thing, don’t be shy about hitting the “like” button at the bottom of this post. Chase’s last post got a bunch of them and well, we ladies gotta stick together.  I promise to like the next photo of your kid on Facebook. And to sweeten the deal, I won’t scribble on your holiday card when it comes in the mail.

Alright, I’m off to get an update on the fiscal cliff crisis.  Til next time, xo Harlowe

14 Responses to guest post by my 2-year-old daughter

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

kelcey kintner