Hey guys. It’s Cash. I’m 2 1/2 years old now and I spend most of my time scaring the crap out of my parents. Check out my visit to a 5th floor New York City balcony before my mom yanked me inside and started hyperventilating.
That woman really knows how to stress the small stuff. I mean, can’t a kid get a little fresh air without everyone freaking out?!
Anyway, I went to a grocery store (for the millionth time) today. I’ve gotten a little bored of just throwing stuff out of the cart so I decided to try something new. At the checkout counter, I started pulling things out of some other lady’s cart and putting them in my cart. For awhile, nobody noticed anything. Then all of sudden, my mom says to the checkout guy….
“Wait, I wasn’t buying bananas. I think those belong to someone else.”
And then she’s says, “And how did those salmon burgers get in there?”
Wow. Was I laughing on the inside! Of course, on the outside, I had to be all, I’m just a cute toddler and I don’t know what’s going on.
My mom pulled out the bananas and the salmon burgers and returned them to the lady. Then she paid for our stuff and headed to the parking lot. As she’s putting the bags into the car, she notices there are two challah breads.
At this point, I can only high five myself for my incredible thievery skills.
By now that lady I stole all the stuff from is pulling out of the parking lot. My moms runs over, waving that challah bread like a lunatic and knocks on her car window.
“Hey, I think my son stole your challah bread too! I’m so sorry. Here please take it.”
Of course the lady wants to give my mom money and my mom refuses to take it. Have you ever noticed that about adults? They are always arguing who is going to pay for something. They’ll fight like hell to treat each other to dinner but when I want a double fudge ice cream cone, suddenly there’s no money to be found and I have to wait until college to tap into the financial reserves.
Anyway, so my mom returns the challah to the woman and then turns to me and says, “Cash, stop stealing food from people.”
And I just look at her and smile because I’m two and how the heck do I know what she’s talking about.
Oh one last tidbit.
Later that day I was playing with my siblings in the house. I took my diaper off because man is that thing bulky. And then I immediately peed all over the kitchen floor. Of course my sisters and brother acted like there was a rabid raccoon in the house and all jumped on the countertops.
Which for some reason made my mom super mad and then she slipped in my pee.
That was the most awesome thing ever.
She’s okay. I think a loaf of challah broke her fall.
Okay that’s it for me. If I ever figure out how to log on to this computer again, I’ll write more. The password is usually CashIsCrazy. Whatever that means.