What are you reading? Fifty Shades of Grey? Is that like some kind of interior design book? I love grey. My walls in my living room are painted grey. You would think that grey walls might be depressing but it’s totally not — wait, what did you say? Oh… that is a different kind of book entirely.
I. Can’t. Get. The. Book. It’s on back order from Amazon for weeks. I borrowed it but then forgot to read it and had to return it to my friend because her 65-year-old mother wanted to read it. And I accidentally gave it back in front of a fellow dad/police officer who now knows I read mom porn but I don’t because I never read it and now I can’t get the book.
Okay, I got the book.
This is so boring. I thought they said it had crazy sex scenes.
Oh there we go!
What’s with all the “panting?” Is this about 20-year-olds or Irish Setters?
Touch my sex? Must be a British thing. God, I hope it’s a British thing or else I’m seriously cringing. I’m cringing anyway.
Why won’t this inner goddess shut the hell up? I really don’t like her.
Oh my gosh, this is the most repetitive book I’ve ever read. Why do I keep reading it?! I hate this book and I keep turning the pages. What is wrong with me? Is my mind being controlled by Christian Grey and his dark past?!
Major plot problem… If he’s so super hot and mega rich, why is he into this mousy 21-year-old?
Why don’t either of them have any friends? Okay, she has one friend. But that’s it?
Dude, I’ve been gliding. It’s fun but I think you are way overselling it.
Why am I using the word dude?
Finally, the last page. Done. I am officially done!! Check that piece of pop culture trash off my list. Make note to drop book at local book burning. Make second note to check if book burnings even still exist.
Okay, I’m just going to go ahead and order the second book. I just sort of want to see what happens.
mama bird notes:
Do you love Project Runway?! Me too! Me too! Catch my recap of the latest episode on Lifetime Moms. I delve into all the important issues like why does Raul style his hair like Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley? I still don’t really know.