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Oct
20
2014

nd_red1

Kelcey sent her husband Rick this email…

I am panicked about Ebola.

___________________________

And Rick responded….

Don’t be. You should be panicked about how long the car maintenance light has been on.

___________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Your obsession with that light is unhealthy. I just think of it as a reminder that the car needs love. So I give the car a few positive affirmations each morning when I see the light. Things like… your leather interior is terrific! Way to move those wipers!! All the goldfish you are wearing make you look skinny. Stuff like that.

___________________________

And Rick wrote….

Does the car ever respond that it really needs an oil change and more air in the tires?

___________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Never. By the way, I have something I have to admit to you.

___________________________

And Rick wrote….

You sent Ryan Gosling a baby gift?

____________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

No, I did not send him a gift. I don’t know him. I’m not insane. Although now that you bring him up,  I do think we might be connected on a very spiritual level.

_____________________________

And Rick wrote…

Like the way Salma Hayek is my spiritual guru?

______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Sort of. Except Ryan Gosling and I are truly connected. And you just have a crush on Salma. Completely different dynamic.  Anyway, I want to confess that the other night I was watching Jimmy Fallon and I almost didn’t tell you that Neil Diamond was on.

You know I have a lot of post traumatic stress from going to see that Neil Diamond cover band Super Diamond. Everyone kept saying I’d know the songs. Turns out I only know one Neil Diamond song and the rest of the concert felt like being trapped in a doctor’s office listening to some tortured easy listening station.

_____________________________

And Rick wrote…

Neil Diamod is a God.

_____________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

If you say so. Anyway, I almost didn’t tell you which would have meant that you would have missed out on his new song (the one that sounds like every other song he sings) and the way he sways back and forth like a lounge singer, and that would have been quite a loss. Obviously, I did the right thing so our relationship can recover but I wanted you to know the truth.

_____________________________

And Rick wrote….

It’s very brave of you.

_____________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Do you think Neil Diamond is panicked about Ebola?

_____________________________

And Rick wrote….

I don’t think so. He’s too focused on being Neil Diamond.

_____________________________

And Kelcey wrote…

Oh one more thing… you know that guy Charlie Crist who is running for Florida Governor? The one who needs an electric fan at every event and wants every Florida resident to have a fan too?

______________________________

And Rick wrote….

Yes, I know who he is. I don’t think he’s promised a fan for every Floridian.  But he does like his own fan at campaign events.

______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

I’m going to start traveling with a fan. Sort of a combo of Charlie Crist and Beyoncé. I think it will make me seem more glamorous at school drop off.

______________________________

And Rick wrote….

Absolutely. Plus, if you ever run into Ryan Gosling, you’ll look so cool and refreshed.

_______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Exactly. Honey, you know me so well. Okay, I gotta run.

_______________________________

And Rick wrote….

Love you. And Salma. But you way more.

_______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

You write the sweetest things. xo


7 Responses to emails in a marriage part 4 (probably better than police academy 4!)

  • Ann says:

    In theater school I learned a whole fan language. You can look it up on the internet now, so you don’t have to get the professional pretending training I have. I mean, you probably won’t be as good at fan language, but you can at least try.

  • beachmom says:

    You mean you haven’t sent ryan a baby gift yet? tutt tutt….you are off your game girl…I think the fan thing is great – it might blow those ebola germs in a different direction and after watching neil diamond swing and sway his way though the today show this morning I nearly spat out my coffee reading your description 🙂 love this!!

  • Leslie says:

    I’m convinced the check engine light is just a friendly suggestion, like yield signs or yogurt “best before” dates. I have to agree with Rick about Neil Diamond though. #ForeverInBlueJeans

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