I want to take a moment to thank all of you who pointed out that elephant’s ginormous penis. Frankly (and I don’t possibly know how), I missed it. And my life would have been a little emptier without the experience.
Oh damn it. Here I am again… faced with the awkward elephant transition. Even worse, I’m talking about elephant penises. So here’s my segue: Stop thinking about elephant penises. Seriously. Right now.
I had to defend “ER” this weekend. Yeah, the tv show.
We went out to dinner with this awesome couple and suddenly, the husband is just tearing into “ER” like what kind of idiot would actually watch that has-been, depressing show.
At first, I just laughed it off but then I really started to get a bit defensive because Abby and Luka and Neela are my friends. Well, pretend friends. The point is, they’re cool and I don’t want them disrespected.
Because of his unprovoked attack, I have to out this “ER” hater. And I hate to do it because he is actually a great guy.
You might recognize him from the “Unexplainably Bitter About ‘ER’ Still Being On The Air Fan Club.”
By the way, if you watch “ER” (all three of you), who do you think died in the season finale?
By Saturday morning, I was over the whole bashing my favorite show thing. And thank goodness because by 9:30 am, I was spritzed, powdered and headed to Long Island for a Bat Mitzvah.
Dylan freaked out because I wouldn’t let her wear her skin tight, mini tie dye dress (how Joan Crawford am I?!) but she totally chilled out once we got in the car…
And Summer piled on my old Mardi Gras beads during the drive.
I don’t think that girl appreciates for one moment what I had to do for some of those beads. Ah… some day I will school her in the ancient art of collecting Mardi Gras beads. Isn’t it heart warming when a mother passes on a beautiful tradition to her daughter?
We arrived at the temple and after about 10 minutes inside, the girls were a little antsy. So I took them outside and then we broke into a playground. Why would you lock a playground anyway? And I really shouldn’t take the credit, because it was the Bat Mitzvah girl’s 11 year old cousin who actually figured out how to smuggle us in. But seeing that she was a minor, you know the cops would have blamed me.
It didn’t matter though because we were at the reception long before any hot police officers show up (oh wait, damn).
Once the Bat Mitzvah’ing was done, we headed home with the girls. The traffic and the drive back wasn’t too bad. Shorter than the way there, but still longer than an elephant’s penis.
Oh com’on. You were still thinking about it. Ok, maybe it’s just me.
mama bird notes
Contributing mamas Daphne Biener has a hangover, the parenting kind. Click here to read more.
Ever seen a cupcake that SERIOUSLY looks like a burger? Click on drooling over this.
Di is the winner of the mama’s survival kit (and no special treatment was given because of her mother’s day sob story… although it was a sad tale. The winner is always random). Congrats Di!! Thank you to nunu chocolates, Grounds for Change and Parducci. All eco and all fabulous.
the must-have book for any new mom, “Mama Knows Breast,” a beginners guide to breastfeeding by Andi Silverman, an adorable Marie Chantal onesie from Posh Squeaks, too sweet, polka dot pediped shoes and teething bling from Smart Mom.
To enter, just leave a comment on the mama bird diaries this week and send a post to friend.