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Toddler Looking For Work

Toddler immediately available for any work opportunities. (My mother has recently mentioned that it might be a good idea to focus my reckless energy.)

Experience: None. Unless you count lying on the floor in a futile attempt to keep my parents from picking me up and putting me in my stroller.

Skills: Repeating the same word 4,200 times (usually “puppy”), disassembling household appliances, putting items in toilet and flushing multiple times, opening front door and taking long walks alone in an effort to panic my family, ability to climb on counters, will empty out fridge but unfortunately have no skills to put items back in the fridge, can dump out large bins of toys at rapid rates (but see no need to actually play with toys), highly skilled at hiding keys and remote controls, can remove carseat straps with ease and speed, can get out of my stroller within minutes, able to throw food enormous distances and also incredibly skilled at throwing the plate and my cup too.

Special Talents: Water skiing, Mandarin and covering myself head to toe in yogurt. (The water skiing and Mandarin thing might be a bit of a resume padding.)

Education: Mommy & Me class and gymnastics class. Working on preschool applications.

Computer Experience: No computer experience unless you count breaking computer keys.

References available upon request. I’ve got a million references because I’m very cute.

Cash and plush puppy

Contact Information: Tweet me, Instagram me or I’ll just find you in Starbucks and immediately sort through your purse, steal your mints and make you love/hire me.

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kelcey kintner