conversations with my mother

My mother: I heard you’re in a magazine.

Me: I am. US Weekly! I write little one liners in their Fashion Police section at the back of the magazine. How did you hear about that?

My mother: My friend told me. She said there was a picture.

Me: Yes, there are photos. Magazines are into that.

My mother: I bought the magazine. I saw the name “Kintner” but the photo didn’t look like you.

Me: That’s because it’s not me. It’s a picture of a celebrity. Like Eva Mendes, Busy Philipps or Sofía Vergara. Those are famous people and I’m critiquing their outfits. I do it every other week.

My mother: Oh I see. Great advice!

Me: I’m sure the celebrities are very grateful.

My mother: By the way – remember how you just taught me the term “selfie?”

Me: Yes. Have you been taking a lot of them?

My mother: No. But I impressed my neighbor by knowing what a selfie is. She’s in her 60’s and very hip. She’s knows about all that stuff.

Me: Stick with me mom. We’ll wow your whole neighborhood.

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Where else can you find me this week? On Lifetime Moms, I’m writing about a kiss between Madonna and Drake that you have to see because his reaction is brutal. (Mom, Drake is a rapper who sometimes dates Rihanna. Rihanna is a famous singer who used to date Chris Brown. Chris Brown is — never mind, I’m exhausted.)

And on Alpha Mom, I’m talking about whether you kid is getting the respect he or she deserves from the doctor or dentist. Because I have found that sometimes, it’s not the case and we parents need to speak up!