This conversation took place during one very long car ride between South Florida and Memphis.
Wife: I can’t spend one more minute in this car.
Husband: We only have 11 hours left.
Wife: Seriously, I can’t do it. Hey, look at that car. I love a person who is creative enough to use duct tape to keep their fender on.
Husband: See, that really cheered you up!
Wife: SLOW DOWN.
Husband: I’m going the speed limit. I’m on cruise control.
Wife: The roads are slick. It’s misty out.
Husband: I’m not so sure about that.
Wife: Maybe we need to listen to a podcast. But I’m not listening to another one on pet guinea pigs. Or chicken.
Husband: That chicken one was amazing. Who knew they forbid chickens in Antarctica?!
Wife: You should have brought up your chicken obsession when we were dating.
Husband: When we lived in the city, I ordered chicken from Dallas BBQ every single night. How big a red flag did you need?
Wife: I guess I was too blinded by love to notice your poultry addiction. I feel an emptiness in my heart.
Husband: Why? Because I can no longer get chicken delivered to my doorstep?
Wife: No. I feel an emptiness because The O.C. was such a good show and it just never got the critical acclaim it deserved.
Husband: Peter Gallagher clearly should of won an Emmy.
Wife: I really need Whoppers.
Husband: Didn’t you just eat an entire carton like a half hour ago?
Wife: Yes, but I think a carton is only one serving size or else why would they put it all in one box? So I’ll need more as soon as possible.
Wife: One of the kids is yelling from the back that they have to go to the bathroom again. We should have all worn diapers, right? We are never visionaries like that.
Husband: (yelling to the back) WE WILL STOP IN 10 MINUTES AT THE NEXT REST STOP!! They can’t hear me. They are all wearing their headsets. I think someone is crying. And another one just said they want to adopt a baby raccoon.
Wife: (yelling to the back) PLEASE STOP CRYING. WE ARE STOPPING VERY SOON. NOONE IS GETTING A RACCOON. Well, at least when we stop, I can get more candy. And then we’ll listen to another podcast. Here’s one on pineapple farming. Does that sound good?
Husband: That’s not a real podcast.
Wife: Are you so sure about that? I never told you but my family has a long rich history of pineapple farming.
Husband: That is absolutely not true.
Wife: Oh my gosh. I feel trapped in this car. You have to go faster. Everyone is passing you. You know it’s dangerous to go too slow on the highway.
Husband: I’m still going the speed limit. I’m on cruise control. And I thought it was misty.
Wife: I don’t remember ever saying that. Are we there yet?