If you strive for marital bliss, I would not attempt to put up or take down a Christmas tree with your spouse.
Now I’m married to a nice Jewish boy whose parents told him to marry for love and I’m pretty sure that was code for “find a nice Jewish girl” but instead he found me.
Which means every year he must contend with a Christmas tree.
Now lucky for you 2-year-old Chase blogged about our efforts to put up the tree.
But someone actually has to take the thing down too. I thought about taking the tree down before our Christmas trip to Memphis but then thought a browning, dried out tree was so festive that I just had to keep it up.
We came back to find about 1 million pine needles on the floor.
I enjoyed having the tree up on New Years almost as much as I enjoyed hearing Kathy Griffin say to Anderson Cooper on CNN, “I’m going to tickle your sac.” See, you miss good television if you have fancy New Year’s plans. Maybe next year you’ll remember to stay home.
But the day after New Year’s, I looked at that sad tree and thought, it’s over. While Rick was bathing the twins, I took off the lights and whatever ornaments were left from Chase’s evergreen assault which really weren’t a lot (man, boys like to throw sh*t) and then I attempted to wrap the tree in a big sheet.
Now everyone knows that wrapping a tree in a big sheet is an excellent way to prevent pine needles from carpeting your home. But then I inadvertently spilled the water from the tree stand. Who knew there was still water in there?! I hadn’t filled that thing since mid December.
I tried to drag the tree out the door but this was a fat tree and I couldn’t really do it myself so I lovingly called upstairs, “Rick, can you help me with something really quick?”
Now apparently, Rick was thinking I needed help opening a jar or something and seemed none to pleased to come down the stairs and find our Christmas tree half wrapped on the carpet with pine needles sprayed across the living room.
And then I got pissy because I had already taken off the lights, removed the ornaments and the stand and only needed his help to remove the tree carcass from our lair so why wasn’t he grateful and appreciative?!
And then we started squabbling but realized we needed to stop because we do agree on one thing – it’s not a good idea to argue in front of a fat pine tree.
We finally shoved that thing outside but not before the sheet fell off and we coated our home with 10 trillion pine needles. We couldn’t decide whether it would be less work to clean it up or just move out but we finally started sweeping and dust busting.
Days later, there are still a few pine needles scattered about, a beautiful reminder of the Christmas season. We threw away our tree stand too because it’s positively awful and I know we won’t get a new one until we have no other options.
So look forward to next year’s holiday post, “Where the Hell is My Tree Stand?! I Can’t Find It Anywhere.”