The other day 2-year-old Chase was crying hysterically for 45 minutes and screaming, “My ear. My ear.” Now because I’m a kick ass mother, I thought, “Maybe I should take this kid to a doctor.” I know. It’s like I have a medical degree.
Turns out, he had a double ear infection and is now on antibiotics.
Which gave Rick an opportunity to tell the kids, “I’m allergic to penicillin.”
“Oh me too!” I chimed in because my husband isn’t going to one up me at 7:05 in the morning. “I’m allergic to penicillin too!”
But Rick wasn’t going down easily.
“Kids, let me tell you the story. I was put on penicillin and I broke out in hives. I didn’t know what was going on so I went to the emergency room. It was a teaching hospital so all these interns were brought in to my examining room to try to figure out what was wrong with me!”
Now I needed to jump in the shower but I wasn’t going to give up so easily because I’ve spent 12 years listening to Rick’s fish allergy stories. You know, the time he had a reaction on the way to Europe and the doctor on board wouldn’t give him enough Benadryl so he had to do a TV live shot with a big swollen eye.
Or the time he had an allergic reaction at a famous New Orleans restaurant and they were so worried about his health that they made him immediately sign a legal waiver. Or the time he had hives all over his face while the chef insisted there was no fish stock in his dish. Yeah, there was some fish stock in there.
Now I’m not allergic to fish but dammit I’m allergic to penicillin and I will not be overshadowed.
“Listen kids and this is going to be quick because mommy needs a shower. I also developed a penicillin allergy. You see I had mastitis. That’s an infection from breast feeding. The doctor kept prescribing me different kinds of antibiotics but I kept breaking out in horrible rashes. And that’s when Taylor Swift got involved. You see, she must have heard about my suffering and decided to fly to my house to give me a free concert which I really enjoyed. And after I thanked her, then I got a call from the President of the United States who wanted to make sure I was okay. And then I just happened to get a letter from the Fresh Beat Band inquiring about my health. Those kids are so nice and talented! And I finally got on the right medicine and felt much better.”
“Is that true?” 8-year-old Dylan asked.
“Pretty all true. I mean, I did have mastitis. And I did get on the right medicine. I’m not sure about the middle part.”