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Feb
18
2013

Location: Frozen yogurt store

When we first got to Florida, my husband and I went out for frozen yogurt one night. A guy came into the place yelling like crazy. I assumed he was going to take out a shotgun (because I’m an optimist) but he never did.

He was outraged that the yogurt place didn’t have the television on during the President’s state of the union address.

“WHY IS THE TV OFF?!!! THE PRESIDENT IS SPEAKING! HOW CAN YOU SHUT THE TV OFF WHEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS SPEAKING. I’M NEVER COMING TO THIS PLACE AGAIN. EVER. WE MIGHT AS WELL BE IN ARABIA,” he yelled.

But then the guy must have thought twice about how much he loved his sugar free, fat free cookies and cream soft serve yogurt because then he added…

“IF YOU PUT THE PRESIDENT ON RIGHT NOW, I’LL COME BACK HERE AGAIN.”

Turns out the yogurt manager had shut the TV off, not so much as an act of defiance against America but rather because he was closing up the store. Which I guess is sort of the same thing.

Meanwhile, Rick and I are planning to book a trip to the mysterious country of Arabia.

________________________

Location: Tennis courts

Over the weekend, my husband and I played tennis at my in-laws gated community.  It doesn’t matter who won (okay it was me) or how many games I won (six) or who was pregnant (okay me) or how pregnant (six months), the point of the story is, a woman in the next court said to me…

“Did you steal something from the buffet?”

And I’m thinking, “What buffet? And why would I steal something? And how does she know about my past stealing flatware from buffets?”

And then she repeats the question and points towards my stomach.

So as a public service announcement, I encourage everyone to not say things like this to a pregnant woman. And to this woman, I encourage her to not go into stand-up comedy.

_________________________

Location: Sushi restaurant

Our waitress came to our table, noticed our ice waters and said,

“Did someone bring those to you?” I had to duct tape my mouth shut to not respond, “No, we brought the glasses of ice water from home.”

When we asked for chopsticks and napkins she responded,

“You need place settings?”  Again, duct tape needed.

And when she accidentally brought me a piece of tuna sashimi instead of salmon sashimi, she told me she needed the tuna back before she could bring me the right order. And then she just stood there waiting.

I tried to explain that I didn’t want to hand her my entire plate because I was eating the rest of my food. And placing the piece of tuna in her hand seemed somewhat awkward.

She responded, “I need the tuna back as proof for the sushi chefs.” (I guess they are familiar with the tuna sashimi scam that’s sweeping the nation.)

She finally brought me a plate for the tuna so I could hand it over to her.

On the upside, I got my salmon sashimi and she has been cast as the recurring role of the ditzy waitress on a 90′s sitcom.

mama bird notes:

Ever wondered how to get your kids out the door to school without yelling?! Yes, it’s really possible. Click here to read my piece on Alpha Mom and please share your best ideas!


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