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There is a lot of bad stuff that happens in this world. It shocks us. It makes us stop and reflect. It makes our hearts ache and our gratitude soar. And then we move on. Because we must. It’s the human spirit.

Some of the stories stay with us. Every night I pray for the mother who lost her three girls in a fire a year ago.  When I get down on my knees, I feel like in some small way, I’m helping to hold her up.  Does she feel the prayers of a stranger? I don’t know. I’d like to think that she does.

Despite endless tragedies in this world, life must and unbelievably march on. But there is something about this Newtown tragedy that has our nation still barely breathing.  The beautiful faces that will never grow old. I wake up in the middle of the night with those 6 and 7-year-olds so clear in my mind and so heavy in my heart.

I feel very much like I did after 9-11. Like I can’t quite wrap my head around this horrible event no matter how much I try. I hear so many people say, “I still can’t stop crying.” Teachers try to teach through the tears and are suddenly trying to figure out where they would hide their students.

I keep thinking about an attack in China on the same day as the Newtown tragedy. A crazed man injured 22 children and 1 adult when he attacked them with a knife at a school in China. Not one child died. Because he had a knife. Not an assault rifle. Tell me again why we must allow assault weapons in this country.

I keep imagining my own 6-year-old in that school. My 6-year-old with her gorgeous face and bountiful dreams.

I don’t know what to do.

I want to hold my children so tight that no evil can ever be done to them.

I want to hug every Newtown family until their tears run out.

I want to march on Washington so they know that we mothers will not stand for this anymore. We just won’t.

President Clinton once said, “There is nothing wrong in America that can’t be fixed with what is right in America.”

I believe that.

You only have to look at all the wonderful people in the world to know that together, we can make this country better and safer.

Let those 20 precious children show us the way.

22 Responses to and the tears keep falling

  • Hillary says:

    This is my first comment here. Thank you for expressing so well my feelings right now. I am reeling. I am angry. I am sad. I am heartbroken. I believe that we can make a difference. This is too unbelievable.

  • annie says:

    There’s so much darkness right now I keep hoping there really is more “right” to compensate. My oldest came home today in tears because a boy she knew committed suicide yesterday. Yes, the tears do keep falling. Then they fall some more.

  • Alexandra says:

    I feel just as lost as you.

    I don’t know what to do, and can’t even listen to the radio without tearing up. And all these dang articles in the paper say, “don’t let your children see you upset.”

    So I walk around telling my kids my eyes are red because I have pink eye.

    ewww, but better, according to the “experts.”

    How will we ever get back up on that horse? I don’t know, but I have to just do it, Christmas is almost here, and my 3 boys are depending on me.

  • Leigh Ann says:

    It’s constant. I’ve read details I wish I could unread. I’ve seen faces I wish I could unsee because they’re just so sweet, and so much like my own girls.

  • Susan says:

    A very nice post and quote from President Clinton. And I too get sick from this tragedy. So unneccessary. I live in Belgium and two years ago a crazed kid went into a creche (meaning all kids were less than 2 years old) and used a knife to kill babies. So if someone is crazy enough, they will find a way to do what they want. But I read some of those kids were shot 11 times???? that must become illegal. Assault weapons have no place in our lives. Hopefully this tragedy will speak loud to everyones hearts that enough people will act.

  • Angi says:

    I’m right there with you in my sorrow for these families. I pray and cry a lot these days. People Magazine has an awesome tribute page on their website where you can read about each of the victims. I choose to remember those names from this, not the name of the person who brought this tragedy about. I, too, have a 6-year old, and I hug him a little tighter and a little longer these days. I’m so thankful that he’s oblivious to what’s going on out there. I know that I won’t be able to protect him from harsh realities forever, but at least from this, I can.

  • I’m so grateful that you continue to pray for that mom who lost her kids in the fire, because I do too. It still haunts me, the thought of losing your entire family in a few moments, and I absolutely believe that mother feels our prayers. Keep praying, Kelcey; incredibly sad times are still coming for the Newtown families, because after a while others forget and move on, but they have to walk with their anguish day after day. We can’t forget them, we just can’t.

  • AnnE says:

    You never fail to put into words how I am feeling. Of course people who want to inflict harm will always seem to find a way, but if we could save one person, one child, by taking away such weapons that have the ability to kill masses of people – then we need try. Thank you for being such a caring person and beautiful writer.

    • Paulina says:

      I completely agree with you, AnnE. If we could save just one person, one child. It’s worth it. We need to do something. These are our children! Thank you, Kelcey, for another amazing post.

  • Denise says:

    I feel the same. I can barely hold it together sometimes. I have watched some of the families in interviews and am so amazed by their strength. The light in their eyes as they share about their beautiful children. We must change to truly honor them.

  • Deb Ringold says:

    I, like the rest of the country, have been feeling so heartsick. There are no words. Thank you Kelcey, for being able to verbalize what so many of us feel. Beautifully written.

  • Melissa says:

    Thank you for writing this. It sums up how I feel. I wasn’t a mother yet on 9/11. I was sad and afraid then, but it’s deeper for me now. My boys are 3.5 & 5, and both attend our local elementary school, like Sandy Hook, in a small New England town, like Newtown. I grew up the same way. It just hits so close to home. I cannot stop the tears for these families, so much like my own family. Maybe a “Million Moms March” on Washington is what we need.

  • Becky says:

    I can’t stop crying either. This morning, at 9:30, as I was silent for a moment, remembering those beautiful faces and their teachers, imagining this was the moment their terror began, I cried. This has touched my heart so deeply. I want to help these families, but don’t know how; I know that I can’t bring back their precious children. It is such a huge, overwhelming, helpless feeling. I hug my 3 year old daughter tight every chance I get, grateful that God gave her to me. I hope and pray that God keeps her safe and healthy, and that she will live to realize all her dreams. I will remember those whose lives were lost a week ago, and will try to forget the one who so viciously took their life away.

  • Renee says:

    Once again, you’ve expressed just what I am feeling. I feel a bit crazy, because it’s been a week, and I don’t even live in the US any more, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I have teared up or cried every single day in the past week.

    Listening to the NRA’s statement today just made my blood boil. Why on earth does the US need an organization whose SOLE purpose it to ensure that there are no restrictions – none – on owning guns.

    I do acknowledge that the problem of gun control is not a simple one, and I don’t by any means think that all gun owners are crazy or evil or any such thing. But I just don’t see the need for military style weapons to be sold to civilians. The level of gun violence is just so much higher in America than almost anywhere else – isn’t that on its own evidence that whatever solutions that NRA and its supporters have been proposing for the past God knows how many years is not working?

  • Maryelena says:

    Have you heard about the proposed million child march for gun safety for February 16th? Date not final as they are working on getting a permit They have a Facebook page if you want to check it out.

  • Susan says:

    I am with you. I think about it almost constantly and can’t sleep at night. One thing I think is, if this doesn’t mobilize us to take action and demand real change to our gun laws, what will have to happen? How much worse does it have to be? I am so mad, and I am not standing down. Thank you Kelcey for standing up for this issue.

  • Amanda says:

    Seriously, if you go to DC to march against assault weapons, I will be right there with you. How can we, mere citizens, actually change the gun laws?

  • Paulina says:

    I completely agree with you, AnnE. If we could save just one person, it’s worth it. We need to do something. These are our children.

  • johanna says:

    I too am so unable to get a grip on all this. My heart just aches and the tears still spring up. Maybe having a 6 year old kindergartener myself makes this so much more scary but the whole thing is just unreal, unthinkable, unimaginable.

    i wish you and all your precious children a wonderful holiday season. May 2013 be a safe year for us all.

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kelcey kintner